Special praise was singled out for the lyrics of Amy Winehouse’s track ‘Me And Mr Jones’, with Cocker stating: “Amy just makes words up. What kind of fuckery is this? I dunno, but I like it.”

Babyshambles ‘Baddies Boogie’ was also commended, as Jarvis – famed for his own unsubtly sexual songwriting - explained: “Anyone who writes ‘He’ll bum your wife then shake your hand’ is alright by me.”

The Pulp frontman showcased his PowerPoint skills in the rapturously received presentation, called Jarvis Cocker on Song - Saying the Unsayable. He also found time to debut a new track as well as give a rendition of his first ever songwriting attempt.

The new song is titled ‘Girls Like It Too,’ while Jarvis’ earliest song, written in 1978, is called ‘Shakespeare Rock.’ He played it solo on acoustic guitar and squirmed at lyrics including: ‘Got a baby, only one thing’s wrong/She quotes Shakespeare all day long/Said baby why don’t you ring me/She said to be or not to be.’

Jarvis discussed such songwriting greats as Leonard Cohen, The Velvet Underground, The Beatles, The Fall, Scott Walker and David Bowie. Contemporary acts such as Rihanna, MGMT and The Last Shadow Puppets were also praised.

The likes of James Blunt and Phil Collins didn’t fare so well, with Cocker complaining most music now has the air of sophisticated shopping lists. He justified his authority on the subject by saying: “This is all based on my subjective opinion, but I’m always right.”

Elegantly strolling about the Brighton Dome stage with a cane in hand, he admitted to being nervous and apologised for running over time by an hour. “Sorry, I’ve not done one of these before. Nobody needs to catch a bus home do they?”

In a question and answer session at the end, Cocker heralded Jimi Hendrix’s version of Bob Dylan’s ‘All Along The Watchtower’ as the greatest cover of all time, while confessing his affection for William Shatner’s attempt at ‘Common People.’

With regards to Pulp’s biggest hit, he clarified how the lyrics came about: “The girl from Greece with the thirst for knowledge was real... But she never wanted to have sex with me.” His own writing process was defined as “just stumbling along, the way I live my life. That’s why I’m carrying a stick.”

(by Greg Rose)