The Vandals Album

Medium cheese,
She's glad to take my order
Long Long way
From that Lao-Viet border
She fled the jungle
That evil Viet cong, pizza tran
Orange County
Is where you belong

Two long weeks
In that little leaky boat
Just to get the right
To see me and to vote
Here comes my pizza,
Down Bolsa Avenue,
Yes it's true
pizza tran I love you

Girls at school
They just don't understand
What do you see
in that little orphan tran?
She's so pretty
I'm proud to be her man,
And I am
And that's why
I love pizza tran

I love her
And I think that she loves me
I order pizza
about 7 nights a week
She's my Madame Thieu
& I'm her general Ky, I believe
She's baking another for me

pizza tran deliver something
I miss you and I'm so hungry
pizza tran
pizza tran
get into that dope white Supra
and bring me a slice
pizza tran

all you people gather 'round
and get together
no more sitting on your booty
party people it's your duty
you know what i mean
tell your body what to do
it's up to you

now let your tight pants
do a new dance
to the rog
roger thomas is upon us
don't you fight it
do the rodge

can't you see it's so easy
it's now or never, get together
lay it on me, lay it down,
slap me five and gather 'round
the party
is gettin' started
let's act retarded,
no one is carded

now shake your onion
like a grunion tryin' to spawn (you know i like to spawn)
grab your girl unless it's you
hit the dance floor
do the rodge

rock the rodge across the nation
a bicentennial celebration
tell two friends
and they'll tell two
and they'll two and so on
and so on
it's easy to do
tell your body what to do
it's up to you

it's the gay nineties and
you can't watch nothin' good
mindless pinko garbage
is all they make in hollywood
kung fu theatre,
now there's a show with class
I'd like to find the guy
who cancelled it
and karate chop his ass
so after alf is done
there ain't nuthin' good on
all my rowdy friends come over
'cause i have pong


join us! join us! join us!
join us for pong!

i got the foxes i got that clout
i got my unit on
the day they came out
you bring the snack treats,
you bring the booze
i ain't bringin' nuthin',
does that box belong to you?
pass the dutchie's on,
my all time favorite song
but turn it down you moron
'cause we're tryin'
to play pong

don't be fooled by world peace
or an economy that's stable
the c.i.a.'s just got more time
to watch you
through your cable
they would control you
and take away your brain
you can defeat them
if you switch your box
over to "game"
do what's right to you,
not what they tell you to
you can fight
we meet tonight
so join us for pong

it's up to you to improve
your hand eye-coordination
or become a mindless servant,
unwitting puppet of the nation
they know your address,
they send you bills
they decide if you watch Tyson,
don't that give you the chills
shake off your shackles son,
we've only just begun
there's just two speeds,
it's what you need,
so join us for pong

hey homes, don't front my set
hey homes, don't front my set

word! you fudge with me
you fudge with the crew
word! the dumbest thing you'll
ever do
word! don't front my set
'cuz we got power
word! i got guys
comin' in from bellflower

hey homes, don't front my set

word! me and my home boys just
don't dig
word! you bustin' turf
and strartin' sheet
word! crazy, crazy
close you stay
word! what the hell
did i just say?

hey homes, don't front my set

word! this ain't no
downtown box of wine
word! homey bus head,
he did no time
word! jacked his ride,
cold set up heads
word! just stop me
if i'm makin' sense
hey homes, don't front my set

judy hates me,
stepped on her cat
i hate judy,
she's gettin' too fat
sally left me,
i was gettin' kinda cold
i left sally,
she was gettin' kinda old

oooh, oooh, what's a guy to say?

tawana don't like
the tapes i bought
boo-yah tribe,
new kids on the block
tracy says my car is dumb
i think there's more
where she came from

oooh, oooh,
what's a guy to say?
girls are turning 18 every day

rachel turned 18 just last week
kamie turned 18, looks so sweet
jenny's lookin' sorry at 29
but her sister turned 18
just in time

No respect for
a land-holding man
only scum
who pay when they can
free-loaders
that hate what I am
then beg me to fix their can

Ugly Harleys on the front lawn
I come by
to turn the sprinklers on
just tryin' to keep up the place
get a knuckle sandwich
right in my face

Kill my tenant
He ain't worth the rent
Section 8
pays most of their rent
but they can't handle
the 20 percent
Selling speed
just ain't what it's been
Wanna see me
make some homeless men?

Rent's in the mail
You know that it's not
I got filth attempting to swuat
think I'm kidding,
'til someone gets shot
I love slow targets high on pot

Just tryin' to get appreciation
Some return on my investment
Go buy your own home
Tom Vu will show you how to
own big money and own a yacht

How I long foe medieval times
Right to deflower virgins
was mine
No coalitions
telling me what to do
No pesky pinko ACLU

You can lynch
whomever you like
just be careful
where you park that bike
I'm not impressed
by pigs with no class
So get off your ass
and go cut the grass

summer lovin' had me a blast
summer lovin' happened so fast
met some girl, crazy for me
met a guy, cute as can be
summer days drifted away
to oh, the summer nights

tell me more,
was this texas or france?
tell me more,
did you get in her pants?

went to her place,
got in her blouse
while the roadies
demolished her house
watched her cable, stole her tv
she did my band
just the way she did me
summer hoes open their does
then get grounded
for the rest of their life

tell me more,
did her parents come home?
tell me more,
did you call nome on her phone?

in gay paris the girls are so chic
they don't talk english
so they last a whole week
german foxes,
way too much hair
put that wall back
so that they stay there
here's my adress
come stay with me
too bad you can't afford
to come overseas

tell me more,
did you make true love vows?
tell me more,
what if she finds your house?

i got sober that's where it ends
so i told her
we'd still be friends
she was cool,
but just like the rest
i had to leave her
with a phony address
"of course i live there,
i love you, you fox"
(your welcome anytime
at my p.o. box)

san francisco, our closing night
thought he'd finally
met mrs. right
bought her flowers,
read her my poem
said he'd call me
the next day at home
didn't answer
she's with some other dude
probably begging
out on Haight street for food

birds in the air
never chirped the same
slobs in bowling alleys
never burped the same
they came to cry
shocked with disbelief
a broken mass of millions
all drowning in their grief

she was just an innocent
how could you lord?
they cried the day
that farrah fawcett died

Throughout the globe
every chinese man and turk
their unifying symbol
they really liked her work
but who's to blame?
no one made a move
until i find out who did this
nobody leaves the room

they say the road was icy
but that just don't add up
a bushy-haired intruder
another government cover up!
a drug-related overdose
a hunting accident
death at the hands of another,
i'll bet!

first JFK
and then we lost the king
thank god it must be over now
they say they come in threes
but still i ache
the world has lost a friend
i'll trade all
of my viewmaster reels
to see her once again

always speak my mind
the truth is what i say
i shout it out
in black and white
no smegging shades of gray
you've got to be defiant
that's what i always say
you'll never never hear my silence
but that's the price i'll pay

'cuz i'm anti-antiseptic
i'm anti-antipasto
i'm anti-anticipation
and i'm anti-antichrist

but i'm pro-prophylactic
i'm pro-propane gas
i'm pro-propaganda
and i'm por-antipathy

the future starts tomorrow
with the children of today
they'll never feel your sorrow
they stand right in your way
so take your brain out
have it washed,
that's a fact of life
but i don't mean like blair and tootie
they'd both make
a damn good wife

i'm anti-antidote
i'm anti-antiquate
i'm anti-antifreeze
i'm anti-guitar hero

i'm anti-antimatter
i'm anti-antipersonel
i'm anti-antonym
i'm anti-ann taylor

i'm anti-antibiotic
i'm anti-anticlimax
i'm anti-andrew ridgley
i'm anti-anticoagulant

i'm pro-procreation
i'm pro-programmable
i'm pro-prohibition
i'm pro-profanity

i'm anti-antitrust
i'm anti-antiknock
i'm anti-antiknock additive

i'm anti-pro choice
i'm pro-anti choice
i'm pro-propaganda
i'm proctor and gamble

i feel any more verses
to this song
would be anti-climatic

(Chorus:)
Some people call me a teenage idol,
say they envy me;
they got no way of knowin',
how lonesome I can be.

I need somebody to be my baby,
to tell my troubles to;
got no time to find her,
cause I'm just passin' through.

(Bridge:)
I travel around from town to lonesome town,
guess all I'll be is a rollin' stone;
fortune and fame, everybody knows my name,
that won't mean a thing if I'm all alone, woah!

(Chorus)
(Bridge)
(Chorus)

I get no rest when I'm feelin' weary,
pack my bags and go;
I gotta go tomorrow,
and go and do my show.

I wanna share myself, oh,
just spread myself around with someone, anybody,
one of God's creatures-cause I'm so lonesome.

You know Vicky that I love you
You are programmed what to do
Is it wrong to feel this way
I could tell you what to say

But late in the evening
when it's starting to get dark
her light sensors
defect to make a spark
to set her ablaze
with passions and desires
She's lost control
Only love can quench her fire

She's fantastic made of plastic
Microchips here and there
She's a small wonder
Love and laughter everywhere

But once again
when the sun is going down
She becomes a menace,
a terror of the town
Her appetite for lust
No man could ever know
She's not human, no Vicky
no Vicky no!

Hello, no one can get to the phone right now so I'm so sorry I missed your call
I'll see you on Sunday
Good-bye, I love you.
But,
if this is you,
you can suck my tick!
if it's my boss,
fudge you! I quit!
Anyone else,
you can do the same
don't leave a message,
unless you're fucking lame!

[No lyrics]

Kung Fu Movies Always showing
we are going to China Town
Living Large in the lap of luxury...
China Town

Mi casa es su casa welcome stranger,
That's what they say in China Town.
If you should find yourself in any danger,
Karate chop in China Town.

It's your choice rice plain or fried,
take a rickshaw ride (China Town)
They make your whites so white and your colors so bright,
(Its Nice) Aint your chinese secret, huh?

Kung Fu Movies Always showing
we are going to China Town
Living large in the lap of luxury...
China Town

Exotic dining with your waiters smiling,
Let's eat and drink and get our fill.
Look at the menu isn't this exciting?
I'll get the duck you get the bill.

It's your choice rice plain or fried,
take a rickshaw ride (China Town)
They make the whites so white and your colors so bright,
(Its Nice) Aint your chinese secret, huh?

Kung fu movies Always showing
we are going to China Town
Living large in the lap of luxury...
China Town

It's your choice rice plain or fried,
take a rickshaw ride (China Town)
They make the whites so white and your colors so bright,
(Its Nice) Aint your chinese secret, huh?

Kung Fu Movies Always showing
we are going to China Town
Living Large in the lap of luxury...
China Town

[No lyrics]

Aruba, Jamaica ooo I wanna take you
Bermuda, Bahama come on pretty mama
Key Largo, Montego baby why don't we go
Jamaica

Off the Florida Keys
There's a place called Kokomo
That's where you wanna go to get away from it all

Bodies in the sand
Tropical drink melting in your hand
We'll be falling in love
To the rhythm of a steel drum band
Down in Kokomo

Aruba, Jamaica ooo I wanna take you
To Bermuda, Bahama come on pretty mama
Key Largo, Montego baby why don't we go

Ooo I wanna take you down to Kokomo
We'll get there fast
And then we'll take it slow
That's where we wanna go
Way down to Kokomo

To Martinique, that Monserrat mystique

We'll put out to sea
And we'll perfect our chemistry
By and by we'll defy a little bit of gravity

Afternoon delight
Cocktails and moonlit nights
That dreamy look in your eye
Give me a tropical contact high
Way down in Kokomo

Aruba, Jamaica ooo I wanna take you
To Bermuda, Bahama come on pretty mama
Key Largo, Montego baby why don't we go

Ooo I wanna take you down to Kokomo
We'll get there fast
And then we'll take it slow
That's where we wanna go
Way down to Kokomo

Port Au Prince I wanna catch a glimpse

Everybody knows
A little place like Kokomo
Now if you wanna go
And get away from it all
Go down to Kokomo

Aruba, Jamaica ooo I wanna take you
To Bermuda, Bahama come on pretty mama
Key Largo, Montego baby why don't we go

Ooo I wanna take you down to Kokomo
We'll get there fast
And then we'll take it slow
That's where we wanna go
Way down to Kokomo

Aruba, Jamaica ooo I wanna take you
To Bermuda, Bahama come on pretty mama
Key Largo, Montego baby why don't we go

Ooo I wanna take you down to Kokomo