The Vandals Album

Stop!
Pretending you're even having fun,
You just stand there looking dumb
And bored with your thumb in your ass...
(You're better than that!)

For once in your life,
Before you retire
Be the leader of the choir,
Set your pubic hair on fire just because...
(You feel like it!)

Be that moron screaming in the crowd,
"Hey!"
This shit could never ever be too loud for me,
So help us help you armpit fart,
'Cause we're only gettin' started.

(Dance and bleed,
Karate chop,
And pray good times will never
Stop!)

Oh boy, is this great.
Don't hesitate,
Grab your feces like an ape,
And finally celebrate just because.

Finally talk to a girl,
Throw your dream journal in the urinal,
'Cause with tap shoes and a girdle
Dreams really can come true...
(You're living proof!)

Be that moron screaming in the crowd,
"Hey!"
This shit could never ever be too loud for me,
So help us help you armpit fart,
'Cause we're only gettin' started...
Oh yeah, we're only gettin' started.

Stop!
Go!
Stop!
43210-1!

Participate,
It's the end of the wait,
Show up late,
Masturbate,
Tell your date you're in shape,
Though you're not.

Take off your shirt,
Eat a fistful of dirt,
Never learn,
Get a sunburn,
'Cause it looks good on you.

Be that moron screaming in the crowd,
"Hey!"
This shit could never ever be too loud for me,
So help us help you armpit fart,
'Cause we're only gettin' started...
Oh yeah, we're only gettin' started...
Yeah, we're only gettin' started.

(Dance and bleed,
Karate chop,
And pray good times will never
Stop!
Pretending.)

I used to take you out nearly every night.
Acting interested in everything you like.
Painfully pretending you we're everything I wanted.

(Chorus:)
Now I've gotten comfortable enough to be a whole lot more like me around you-
Please appreciate my honesty.
I'm so glad that I can lay around, hand in pants without a chance of disappointing you.
Never listening, or helping except for a critique or two.

(Chorus:)
Now I've gotten comfortable enough to be a whole lot more like me around you-
Please appreciate my honesty.
Appreciate my honesty I'm so happy that we've gotten past the lies.
If you don't believe me start again with any other guy.
They'll be nice and really try but soon like me they'll realize: that it's a lie.
Over time I've let myself go.
But I'm not going to let you go unless you want to go and pick me up some food or something nice.

(Chorus:)
Now I've gotten comfortable enough to be a whole lot more like me around you-
Please appreciate my honesty.
Now I've gotten comfortable enough to be a whole lot more like me around you-
Please appreciate my honesty.
Appreciate my honesty.

It's not enough to say you're mine it still seems so unsatisfying.
I want to live inside your mind and wear your shoes and walk for miles.
Show up as you, do what you do, see what ensues- can we try?

(Chorus:)
I just had to explain that we are one in the same.
Help me 'cause I'm becoming you.
I smell your clothes I smell your sheets and wish that smell had come from me.
I hate my skin that I live in, I never win, I just had to say-

(Chorus:)
I just had to explain that we are one in the same.
Help me 'cause I'm becoming you.
Normal love you know the story, it's been done and it gets so boring.
First you meet and then you get married, squeeze out some kids and wait to be buried.
I know it sounds all crazy.
I wanna be you baby.
It's no a gay thing, I'm just stating that
I'm way all into you.
As this progresses
I'm a mess but it will all be over soon

(Chorus:)
I just had to explain that we are one in the same.
Help me 'cause I'm becoming you.
I know it sounds all crazy.
I wanna be you baby.
I know it sounds all crazy.
He want's to be you baby.
I know it sounds all crazy.
He want's to be you baby

If my body was twice the size it was
then I might look alright but I don't because,
I've got a disproportioned head.
And the people they point and laugh at me and
they tell me it's huge 'cause honestly -
I've got a disproportioned head.

Don't try and be nice and say, "It's really not that big"
'cause I am well aware that you are lying - about my head.

And it blocks out the sun like a parasol.
And I'm walking around like a Dodger doll
'cause I've got a disproportioned head.
And I can't make it better with surgery.
So I'm stuck with this skull that the world can see,
I've got a disproportioned head.

Don't try and be nice to me because you think I'm near.
I'm across the street and I can hear you.
Don't offer advice to me, of hats- it's all been tried.
They don't really make 'em in my size.

I can only fit in convertible cars.
And my Mom has a 3-foot caesarean scar,
'cause of my disproportioned head
And I'd go ahead and end it now
If I could find a noose that would fit around my huge, disproportioned head.
I've got a disproportioned head (x3)

gliding across the lawn
oranges and Evian
and pizza right after the game
just tell me where and when
Volvo's and collagen
hope you might feel the same

my soccer mom, it's on
knew all along, so right and so wrong!

pray to god that your thinkin what i'm thinkin
I know your bratless every other weekend
let your hair down and keep it all a secret
no reason why it couldn't be that way

if you say yes right now
I'll make it work somehow
those fancy dinners don't come free
dont know just where he went
but with that settlement
you should be taking me

my soccer mom, it's on
knew all a long, so right and so wrong!

pray to god that your thinkin what i'm thinkin
I know your bratless every other weekend
let your hair down and keep it all a secret
no reason why it couldn't be that way

tell me I'm the one for you
even if it isn't true
I'll pretend to like those two snot kids
and if it had to end
I think that my heart would eventually mend
I'd keep my fingers crossed for another MILF like you

tell me I'm the one for you
even if it isn't true
I'll pretend to like those two
I'll do anything my soccer mom

Well it's a great big world that's filled with disappointment.
We're maggots in the ointment just squirming to get free.
And now the futures gotmuch more than you can handle.
Don't try to light a candle.Let's curse the misery.
And as we head for certain doom, don't give up so soon.
Till every one of us is dead and vengeful Armageddon has arrived.

(Chorus:)
'cause we'll have a drink and throw a parade.
And greet the rapture screaming "Hoary!"
And hope someone jumps on the grenade.
But no one will.
We'll all be killed and we will thrill as blood is spilled.
And even the bravest of us run away.
We'll all get laid.
'cause you still got dreams that haven't been pissed on.
And you still got things you'll never get done.
And you'll keep on running like a rat on a wheel.
And keep on wondering what is the deal.
What was the point? And how come it ends this way?
Well no one knows, we've only got today.
And as the lights go dim, don't think it's all so grim.
At least we all go out together heading off to never-never land.

(Chorus:)
'cause we'll have a drink and throw a parade.
And greet the rapture screaming "Hoary!"
And hope someone jumps on the grenade.
But no one will.
We'll all be killed and we will thrill as blood is spilled.
And even the bravest of us run away.
We'll all get laid (x2)

The little weirdo down the street
Saic he's making a rocket ship with household items
So we can't find him
Igloo cooler and some gasoline
Soil samples and some magazines for the long ride home


Set the controls for the farthest star and fly away, little weirdo
No one here is going to miss you much, but I wish you luck on your trip - run away
Planet earth never offered much,
Just culture shock and and a lot of strange looks from the native assholes
Ground control there's no one there, we haven't heard a word from his interstellar patio chair

Set the controls for the farthest star and fly away, little weirdo
No one here is going to miss you much, but I wish you luck on your trip - run away
Fly away, fly away

The little weirdo left today he said we're doomed but from his view it's so beautiful
Set the controls for the farthest star and fly away, little weirdo
No one here is going to miss you much, but I wish you luck on your trip - run away

Well I know it's gonna happen so I wait for it to happen 'cause it never doesn't happen to- me.
And you're giving me a headache 'cause your clingy and pathetic and I know I got to cut you free.

(Chorus:)
I can't wait, can't wait there's no escaping-
I'm so over us.I can't wait, I can't take it-
just kick me in the face and go and have some stupid fun.
Well you have all this potential why must you be such a simpleminded, insecure, smothering freak.
And you'll soon be well aware there's no reason you care and I give it maybe bout a week.

(Chorus:)
I can't wait, can't wait there's no escaping-
I'm so over us.I can't wait, I can't take it-
just kick me in the face and go and have some stupid fun.
Leave the house and meet someone.
I'm sure you'll find good times with someone, anyone but me,
I won't make scene, just tell me you're leaving and I'll just act OK- I cant wait.
Well I know it's gonna happen so I wait for it to happen 'cause it never doesn't happen to- me
And I want for you to want to wanna go because you think ought to.
So I can finally frigging breathe.

(Chorus:)
I can't wait, can't wait there's no escaping-
I'm so over us.I can't wait, I can't take it-
just kick me in the face and go and have some stupid fun.
Leave the house and meet someone.
Someone's sure to like you, don't tell 'em you're a psycho, in 14 years we'll go have lunch.

Buck up, little man
You're fucked up, but you can't
Let your life be ruined
Cuz she's over you

Don't think about her
Don't speak about her
Anything I tell you
This as a friend
She's gone
And now you're carrying on
With flowers and that poetry
You're sorry
And so now are we

Where's your dignity?
It's gone
Just like she is
And you're graveling
About the one that got away
You'll get no sympathy
From her
Just crying like a baby
Like the big fat stupid baby
You've become

And what ever happened to
That guy I used to knew
He's a weeping little ball of goo
You're crying like you've got no spine
And she's laughing at you
Admit it, it's through

Where's your dignity?
It's gone
Just like she is
And you're graveling
About the one that got away
You'll get no sympathy
From her
Just crying like a baby
Like the big fat stupid baby
You've become

Every time I see her sweet face makes me wanna, gotta cut my throat.
No escaping or erasing her image that haunts me and taunts me again.
But the sun it never lies, just offers warmth and fills the skies.
Says to me "it's time she went away".

(Chorus:)
My brain it tells my body, keep staring at the sun.
Till my retina's are scorched and this torture's run it's course for me.
Her ocular stimulation fuels my lust so I can't trust my eyes.
Two little traitors that wont avert.
Now they've hurt me for the last time.
But the sun it never lies, just offers warmth and fills the skies.
Says to me "it's time she went away".

(Chorus:)
My brain it tells my body, keep staring at the sun.
Till my retina's are scorched and this torture's run it's course for me.
My brain it tells my body, keep staring at the sun.
And the glow of the corona till I feel I've never known you.
But the sun it never lies, just offers warmth and fills the skies.
Says to me "it's time she went away".

(Chorus:)
My brain it tells my body, keep staring at the sun.
Till my retina's are scorched and this torture's run it's course for me.
My brain it tells my body, keep staring at the sun.
And the glow of the corona till I feel I've never known you.

Wouldn't you like to try everything once before you had to die? Don't lie.
If there was no one watching or to ask why.
Wouldn't you like to see inside yourself and know what you could be? To be free.
Of course when I say you, I mean me.

(Chorus:)
Then your head begins to ache.
And all the plans you made just break.
For every dream you keep inside, another part of you has died.
Doesn't it make you sick?
To see everyone is such a hypocrite.
Full of shit.
Keep you down so they can benefit.
Wouldn't you like to kill, just this once to know how good it would feel.
So real.
And live your dreams with nothing to conceal.

(Chorus:)
Then your head begins to ache.
And all the plans you made just break.
When all your feelings are denied.
You'll always feel unsatisfied.
For every dream you keep inside, another part of you has died.

When Humanity creates a hierarchy
Placing blowholes above anemones
When sovereign nations have made it policy
Slaughter anything that goes with wasabe
In the food chain, there is a third rail
Winking at mass murder of the yellowtail
Let 'em suffocate, there's no intelligence
They don't jump through hoops for an audience

Say a prayer for the Earth as you make a wish
Who will shed one tear for the tuna fish,
or the thousand other species on the ocean floor?
Does a spot on prime time TV Land
justify the ruination of a fisherman
That could've been me cries the albacore

With the carnage sealed hermetically
In the killing fields of local canneries
It's a Dolphin Safe atrocity

Say a prayer for the Earth as you make a wish
Who will shed one tear for the tuna fish,
or the thousand other species on the ocean floor?
Does a spot on prime time TV Land
justify the ruination of a fisherman
That could've been me cries the albacore

Say a prayer for the Earth as you make a wish
Who will shed one tear for the tuna fish,
or the thousand other species on the ocean floor?
Does a spot on prime time TV Land
justify the ruination of a fisherman
That could've been me cries the albacore
That could've been me cries the albacore

Christmas 1994, not like the year before.
We didn't want to know.
Buried our heads in the snow...
Looking back it was obvious to everyone.
But then again he's not just anyone.
We used to laugh and call him names.
Some things I wish I could change.
Snow fell.
He was burning up inside.
Tired of living a lie.
He just had to say.
We learned my brother was gay.
It came on silent night.
Mother's face went white.
She said "I have to sit".
Father had a fit.
I'm learning to deal with it.
My brother is ggg....My brother is ggg...
Looking back it was obvious to everyone.
But then again he's not just anyone.
We used to laugh and call him names.
Some things I wish I could change.
Christmas 1994, can't take it back to the store.
Like a shirt that doesn't fit.
I'm learning to deal with it.
I'm learning to deal with it.
My brother is gay.
My brother is gay.
I guess it's OK
My brother is gay.

A needy world greets the new messiah.
Taking applications for disciples.
To touch the hem of his leather trousers,
unleashes the fury of his healing powers.
His feet we're blistered for you sins,
and painful melvins in the high school gym.
From those who doubted "He" was "Him".
The savior of our souls- Lord Michael.

(Chorus:)
I'm exploding in my pants, from the spirit of the Lord of Dance.
The whirling dervish Son of Man, repent while you still can.
His wonders work in mysterious ways.
Arms are still above his furious legs.
A simple shuffle and a full plie, he's making Zima out of Perrier.
He's got one commandment for his scribes to tell- "Ignite your passion" or burn in hell.
Hallelujah we are in his debt, baptized from his holy sweat.

(Chorus:)
I'm exploding in my pants, from the spirit of the Lord of Dance.
The whirling dervish Son of Man, repent while you still can.
The Lord of Lords declares a holy war on the on the onlookers and the wallflowers.

(Chorus:)
I'm exploding in my pants, from the spirit of the Lord of Dance.
The whirling dervish Son of Man, repent while you still can.