The Vandals Album

Deception they lie and propaganda-ize.
They prey on weakness from the seekers of a better f**king life and bleed them dry.
Promise and faith to f**king hook the bait till they got you where they want you
and pull your strings and taunt you every time.
I call shenanigans, it's Un-American lies, lies, lies.
Someone should do something, a day of reckoning.
It's a lie. That's how they get you.

They said they knew my fate and I'd be great and fine,
and rich in time, stay on the line. I'm gifted and one of a kind.

Bullshit! And scammed, bamboozled, swindled, hoodwinked from a false
and phony psychic who has robbed me and dishonored me with a crime.

I want my money back from that clairvoyant hack.
I've seen the future and it's my foot in your ass.
It's a lie. That's how they get you.
It's a lie. That's how they get you.

[No lyrics]

I'm a gonna get my worker's comp check.
I'm a gonna buy you lots of food.
I'm a gonna drop some bricks on my head.
I'm a gonna be laid up for good.

My neck, my back. My neck and my back hurt.
I had another accident, so someone tell the management.
I'll be in my kiddie pool recovering,
I'll get my tools another time.
If my spine, if it ever realigns.

My neck, my back. My neck and my back!
And I never will recover. And I never will recover.
And I never will recover. And I never will recover, yeah.

I'm a gonna get my worker's comp check.
I'm a gonna buy you lots of food.
I'm a gonna drop some bricks on my head.
I'm a gonna be laid up for good.

Compassionate society has a whole variety of saftey nets and benefits.
For anyone that's ever been a victim of negligence, stress, fatigue or recklessness.
Offer me a settlement. Just offer me a settlement.

'cause I gotta stay at home.
My neck and back is nearly broke.
I kind of won the lottery.
I'll take what they are offering.
Vicodine and Ambien and watch alot of television.

My neck, my back. My neck and my back!
And I never will recover. And I never will recover.
And I never will recover. And I never will recover, yeah.

I'm a gonna get my worker's comp check.
I'm a gonna buy you lots of food.
I'm a gonna drop some bricks on my head.
I'm a gonna be laid up for good.

Acquiesce to the plea.
The decree is clear and binding.
It's required that you integrate into the uniform
and grand design.
Just go along. You can't prolong it. The power it is
way too strong. In the throng you'll stay abide and
you'll obey, while waiting for instructions that your
master will convey.

Be a good robot. It's easier- and if you're not,
There are many ways to punish any strays.
Be a good ro- Be a good robot.

You think you're immune to the commune's
unbridled coaxing pressure.
Pierce your nose, wear different clothes. And
indicate that you will never be one of them, but
that's how they win. They make you think that you
have chosen but secretly the master knows.
It's part of the plan they guide your hand.
But you did not decide and unwittingly abide.

Be a good robot. It's easier- and if you're not,
There are many ways to punish any strays.
Be a good ro- Be a good robot.
It's easier- and if you're not,
There are many ways to punish any strays.

Be a good ro- Be a good robot.
You like it, you'll buy it. It has been decided. By
powers greater than the average man can comprehend.
Just go along. You can't prolong it. The power it is
way too strong. Just go along the silence says that
you concur. They make you sick then sell the cure.

Be a good robot it's easier- and if you're not,
There are many ways to punish any strays.

I'm trying to be civilized and need you girl to realize,
my higher mind runs counter to my procreative self.
Although it's not my doing, nature has its way insuring
that the species will be fruitful, no matter how I try to fight it.

God's the one who made me like this- understand I'm innocent.
The drive is stronger than I am- I'm just a man, I'm just a man.

She means nothing to me, I swear.
I'm just pulled in two directions by the male condition.
There's no excuses, only reasons for what has brought us here.
I need to make it clear, so you can understand.
It's part of nature's plan. I'm just a man, I'm just a man.

It's hard to do the right thing, the hormones screaming,
pleading- with the need to seed and no relief because there's always more.
One hundred million daily, manufactured and ready for the journey to conception.
Not unlike a loaded gun.

God's the one who made me like this- understand I'm innocent.
The drive is stronger than I am- I'm just a man, I'm just a man.

She means nothing to me, I swear.
I'm just pulled in two directions by the male condition.
There's no excuses, only reasons for what has brought us here.
I need to make it clear, so you can understand.
It's part of nature's plan. I'm just a man, I'm just a man...

This is my special moment
Don't question me or disagree
I know that I have earned this
Damn it I deserve this
Do not f**k with me it's my special time

And I'll seize this opportunity
Show them what it means to me
To be king shit just for a minute
Then just disappear
And with passion and or talent
Self righteously and gallantly
I'll step away and everyone will know it
This is my special moment

My shitty life has lead me to this perfect minute
Remember how I did this
Taking care of business for once
They'll see me get it right
Kicking screaming fighting for my life
I have decided it is time

This is my special moment
Don't question me or disagree
I know that I have earned this
Damn it I deserve this
Do not f**k with me it's my special time

Oh god I'm doing it for real I'm really doing it
Reaching for the skies
And gouging the eyes of anyone
Who dares to interfere?
Conquering the fear
And showing them the time is mine

This is my special moment
Don't question me or disagree
I know that I have earned this
Damn it I deserve this
Do not f**k with me it's my special time
Do not f**k with me it's my special time
Do not f**k with me it's my special time

Talking board-misunderstood. What looked good
on paper even looked better on wood.
A card game way out of control. Divining what's
to be while tempting fortune with the soul.
The table tilts the lights go dim and then the fun
begins. We stay up late and it's all great,
The Parker Brothers sin, can't be undone.
Designed by Satan.
It's all in fun.
Designed by Satan.

John Edwards is much to Blane. The Renaissance is
all but Fair, they all bring on the same.
When will the dirt bags ever learn? For every
Slayer melody a thousand more will burn.

A thousand miles below the floor
where screams cannot be heard.
And those that don't believe don't care don't
recognize the word, until he's won
Designed by Satan
It's all in fun
Designed by Satan

Let's review the rules of the game
Innocent flirtation can lead to eternal flames.
Why chance it? Why pick up the deck?
When Chutes N' Ladders kicks much ass,
And won't send you to Heck.
The table tilts the lights go dim and then the fun
begins. We stay up late and it's all great,
The Parker Brothers sin, can't be undone.
Designed by Satan.
It's all in fun.
Designed by Satan.

It has occured to me the reason fro my apathy,
you think that I don't give a shit,
it's just the opposite.

Loss of humanity, suffering, and atrocity.
I'm gonna join the fight, lets get this party started right.

Something's always someone's problem,
problems always never seem to end,
sometimes they just have to end.

Front page, people full of rage.
Trapped in their world, like monkeys in a cage.
I'm building a bomb, I am I'm building a bomb.
Don't cry, not like you weren't gonna die.
If we all go at once we won't have to say goodbye.
I'm building a bomb, I am I'm building a bomb.

I got to get me some weapons grade uranium,
just a couple little things stand between me and my dream.

And when were dead and gone,
no one left to carry on,
who's first the buy the farm?
The list is as long as my arm.

Something's always someone's problem,
problems always never seem to end,
sometimes they just have to end.

Front page, people full of rage.
Trapped in their world, like monkeys in a cage.
I'm building a bomb, I am I'm building a bomb.
Don't cry, not like you weren't gonna die.
If we all go at once we won't have to say goodbye.
I'm building a bomb, I am I'm building a bomb.

BOOM.

It's a sacrilege to question and thinking is a crime,
"Let the 'tards eat twinkies" is the mantra of our time.
F**k no it isn't who you are, you're only what you've bought.
With Teletubbies teaching toddlers take it down a notch.
The glory of misinformed who never leave the couch.
Crying when their favorite guy is voted from the house.
The future can't be better but the childeren they won't mind,
just give them shiny objects and tell them never try. Never try.

You think it's stupid now?
You'll see, we're only borderline retarded compared to where we'll be.
The future generation has their work cut out for them.
Keep lowering the bar and dig a hole to put it in.
Dig a hole. Dig a hole.

The dumbing down of dummies in a shameful, spinning spiral.
With puppet masters mastering with plausible denial.
They give us what we want, but make f**k sure we're addicted.
To sugar coated fluffy air and guilty pleasure sickness.

We're fat and lazy mongoloids on pink electric scooters.
With chaffing thighs we supersize and only later realize-
we're cattle for the slaughter and laughing on the way.
Deal with it tommorow not today, not today.

You think it's stupid now?
You'll see, we're only borderline retarded compared to where we'll be.
The future generation has their work cut out for them.
Keep lowering the bar and dig a hole to put it in.
Dig a hole. Dig a hole.

Take a pill it disapears, while loafing through our golden years.
And pass the torch and let them sort the shit we left piled past their ears.
Our children's children's children in the tradition of our lives
will deal with it tommorow and never try, never try.

You think it's stupid now?
You'll see, we're only borderline retarded compared to where we'll be.
The future generation has their work cut out for them.
Keep lowering the bar and dig a hole to put it in.
Dig a hole. Dig a hole.

[No lyrics]

The reason that I'm calling you is to let you know
I thought it through and after much debate in fact,
I guess I'll take you back.

I've heard from friends you've moved around and
maybe your have settled down so when you get
this message please call me back.

It's been a rough few years for me, I moved back
with my family, but I'll still take you back.

And maybe it's too late to call or maybe it's the
alcohol, but I think I want you back. I guess I'll
take you back.

I realize it's been a while, you might be married or
have a child. So give me your address and I can
help you pack.

I need you now worse than before, I'll offer you
the chance once more. 'cause everything considered,
I guess I'll take you back.

I know that things had ended bad, but let's stop
living in the past. I think I want you back.

And let's forget the things we said, we'll start again
with clearer heads. I guess I want you back.
I guess I'll take you back.

Please don't make me ask again, my calling card is
nearly spent. And life without you has been so bad.

I don't require apologies-
just think of what I'm offering.
I think I want you back. I guess I'll take you back.

"Christian Or Canadian"

It couldn't be worse. From chorus to verse.
It sounds like Korn but a little bit worse.
Is it Christian or Canadian? Guess!
On 90.7 it's bad 311.
Evidently it's a hit. But it stinks to high heaven.
Is it Christian or Canadian? Guess!

Play the game that isn't fun, can't be ignored,
and can't be won. Someone get me a gun.

It sounds kind of emo, or not so tight screamo.
And he keeps saying 'Him', so i'm gonna say homo.
Is it Christian or Canadian? Guess!
He's wearing a sweater, like '98 Vedder.
But it's 2002, and the song could be better.
Is it Christian or Canadian? Guess!

Play the game that isn't fun, can't be ignored,
and can't be won. Someone get me a gun.

It's said that those that cannot do
will end up teaching stuff to you,
or some of them find God instead or better yet the border.

I cannot quite place it. It sounds like Ocasek.
But 20 years later, so you might as well face it.
Is it Christian or Canadian? Guess!
It's so non-commitish, like light Reel Big Fish.
Or rock en Espanol, translated into English.
Is it Christian or Canadian? Guess!

Play the game that isn't fun, can't be ignored,
and can't be won. Someone get me a gun!

THE VANDALS LYRICS

"I Am Crushed"

(chorus)
Oh, I am crushed. And I am devastated.
And contemplating suicide but I don't have the nerve.
And what's the rush? It all should end real soon.
And so I'll just keep waiting and I'll listen to them say,
"You've got your life in front you," and so I must reply.
"That is just more bad news 'cause I'd really rather die."
Than limp around in agony, reliving all the tragedies and face another day.

Oh I am crushed. And I am devastated.
And it's something I can't mend, it ain't going away, soon.

I hurt so much. And I cannot explian it.
It seems like there's a purpose but I still don't understand.
But that's my luck. So I'll just wait in pain.
And though it doesn't help I have to listen to them say,
"keep looking at the bright side," oh that just hurts my eyes.
And if you really care then you would simply let me die.
And leave here with some dignity but it just keeps on making me face another day.

Oh I am crushed. And I am devastated.
And it's something I can't mend and it ain't going away, soon.

Repeat (chorus)

OH I AM CRUSHED!