Lazy-B Album

Do you consider yourself intelligent?
Are you ready to go all the way?
Are you married?
How do you rank yourself?
Are you punctual?
When do you think you will have kids?
Have you ever had a nervous breakdown?
Do you find yourself mentally stable?
How do you deal with pressure?
Do you find yourself qualified for life?

You know you’ll be you
And I’ll be me
Thank god for individuality

Do you consider yourself ready for life?

You know you’ll be you
And I’ll be me
Thank god for individuality

Don’t lie
Don’t kill
Don’t smoke
Don’t run
Don’t yell
Don’t panic
Don’t steal
Don’t cry
Don’t die
Don’t act
Don’t drink
Don’t stumble
Don’t hate
Don’t bitch
Don’t cheat
Don’t fake

Remember to separate all your kitchen garbage
And turn the water off when you brush your teeth
Only buy organic food

Get a gay friend preferably with a different color
Than your own

You be you
I’ll be me
Its individuality

In a way are you qualified?

You be you
I’ll be me
Its individuality

Are you qualified for life?

You have a choice of believing in
JV
Allah
Buddha
Goya
Uranus
Zeus
Coronus
Mattes
Apollo
Aries
Athena
Althea
Fall
Odem
Just to name a few

Get married
Get hitched
Get loved
Get gold
Get cleaver
Get big
Get lucky
Get rich
Get humble
Get good
Get free
Get real
Get food
Get water
Get sleep
Get sex

Are you qualified?

You be you
I’ll be me
Its individuality

Are you qualified?

You be you
I’ll be me
Its individuality

Are you qualified for life?
Yeah
Are you qualified for life?
Are you qualified for life?

Are you qualified?

You be you
I’ll be me
Its individuality

Are you qualified?

You be you
I’ll be me
Its individuality

Do you find yourself qualified for life???

This is who we are, this is what we do, this is what it is
the bare facts of the life we live
This is who we are, this is what we do, this is what it is
These are the facts of the life that we live
This is who we are
Bare facts of the life we live
This is who we are, this is what we do, this is who we are, are, are, are, are...
so help me god

Did you know, that 1 out of 4 Americans has appeared on tv?
Did you know, 61% of all hits on the internet are on sex-sites?
Every day 21 newborn babies will be given to the wrong parents
The average person swallows 8 spiders in a year
Cannabis is the most widely abused drug in the world
The average person laughs 13 times a day
Elvis was originally blonde
The average age of first intercourse is 15.3 years old
The average erect penis is 5.2" long - and 4.2" circumcised
Eskimoes use refrigerators to keep food from freezing
41% of all people take people with curly hair less seriously
20% of all females have had at least 1 homosexuall experience
Did you know, that there is no such thing as an anti-wrinkle-creme?

This is who we are, this is what we do, this is what it is
- the bare facts of the life we live
This is who we are, this is what we do, this is what it is
These are the facts of the life that we live
This is who we are
Bare facts of the life we live
This is who we are, this is what we do, this is who we are, are, are, are, are...

22% of the time, a pizza will arrive faster then an ambulance in Great Britian
96% of all women have at one time in their life faked an orgasm
3 people die every year, testing if a 9 volt battery works on their tongue
The 'Guiness Book Of Records' holds the record
for being the most stolen book in the public libraries
Butterflies taste with their feet
5% of the population is gay
The worlds best known word is 'okay',
the second most well-known word is 'Coca-Cola'
The giraffe can clean its ears with its tongue
Charles Chaplin once won 3rd place in a
'Charles Chaplin look-a-like contest'
In 1995 a japanese trawler sank because a
Russian cargo plane dropped a living cow from 30,000 feet
Only one book has been printed in more copies than the bible:
the IKEA-catalogue

This is who we are, this is what we do, this is what it is
- the bare facts of the life we live
This is who we are, this is what we do, this is what it is
These are the facts of the life that we live
This is who we are
The facts of the life we live
This is who we are, this is what we do, this is who we are...

1 cigarette takes away five minutes of a person's life
In 1950 we were 3 billion people on the earth.
today we are 6 billion people.
(time is ticking, ticking, yeah...)
'Donald Duck' was banned in Finland, because he doesn't wear pants
74% of all nudist-females are nudists, because their husbands are nudists
More people die from a champagne cork popping, than from poison spiders
21% of all traffic accidents happen because the driver falls asleep
Did you know that originally a Danish guy invented the burglar alarm.
unfortunately it got stolen.

This is who we are, this is what we do, this is what it is
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah...
This is who we are, this is what we do, this is what it is
Yeah, yeah...
This is who we are
Bare facts of the live we live
This is who we are, this is what we do
This is who we are, this is what we do

so help me God

Inhale positivity, exhale negativity
Inhale positivity, exhale negativity
Inhale positivity, exhale negativity
Inhale positivity, exhale negativity
Inhale positivity, exhale negativity

Enjoy the little things in life
Like the smell of a flower
The sound of a bird
Or the shape of a cloud

Do something different today
Smile to a stranger on the street
Take a different way home
Or go by a CD
With music that you wouldnâЂ™t have normally bought

Try not to be to hasty
In your judgment of other people
And take life
Less seriously

What you give will always comeback double
Some people spend their whole life waiting for the storm
And never enjoy the sunshine

Inhale positivity, exhale negativity
Inhale positivity, exhale negativity
Inhale positivity, exhale negativity

Take a deep breath
By taking five deep breaths everyday
It will help remove the build up of toxins in the body
It also lowers your cholesterol in the blood
And strengthens your mind
As you breathe out think only positive thoughts
Like what a great day this is going to be

Surround yourself with successful people
DonâЂ™t feel threatened by them
Challenge yourself
And learn from them
Success as a mysterious way of attracting success
Like negativity attracts more negativity

Inhale positivity, exhale negativity
Inhale positivity, exhale negativity
Inhale, inhale exhale, exhale negativity
Inhale, inhale exhale, exhale negativity

Inhale more life and positivity
Exhale pain regrets and negativity

Inhale.

You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars
And you have a right to be here, and weather or not it is clear to you
No doubt the universe is unfolding as it should, therefore be at peace with god
Whatever you conceive him to be, what ever your labors and aspirations
In the noisy confusion of life, keep peace with your soul

I try to be I strive to be
All I wish to be happy
I try to be I strive to be
All I wish to be happy

Oh oh oh this is desiderata
Oh oh oh this is desiderata

As far as possible without surrender, be on good terms with all persons
Speak your truth quietly and clearly, and listen to the dull of the ignorant
They too have their stories
Avoid loud and aggressive persons; they are vexatious to the sprit
If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter
For always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans
Keep interested in your career, however humble
It is a real possession in the forever changing fortunes of time

I try to be I strive to be
All I wish to be happy
I try to be I strive to be
All I wish to be happy

Oh oh oh this is desiderata
Oh oh oh this is desiderata

Be yourself especially do not fane affection
Nether be cynical about love
Take kindly the council of the years
Gracefully surrendering the things of youth
Nurture strength of sprit to shield you in sudden misfortune
But do not distress yourself with imaginings
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness
Beyond wholesome discipline be gentle to yourself
With wanted sham drudgery and broken dreams

I try to be I strive to be
All I wish to be happy
I try to be I strive to be
All I wish to be happy

I try to be I strive to be
All I wish to be happy
I try to be I strive to be
All I wish to be happy

Oh oh oh this is desiderata
Oh oh oh this is desiderata

Oh oh oh this is desiderata
Oh oh oh this is desiderata

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste
And remember what peace there maybe in sile

[No lyrics]

The warmest welcome to everybody reading the manual
The manual gives you the basic information
The ingredients and the six step easy to follow guide
Please pay attention to the useful guide and the helpful tips
As we lead you through

Ingredients
You need
A small piece of thick paper as a mouth piece
The most common is to use the top side
From a hard top cigarette pack

You need large size rolling papers
One of the best brands on the market is smoking
Because their rolling papers are very thin
And are the perfect size

You need
Tobacco
The finest tobacco is hand rolling tobacco
But a second possibility
Is to use the tobacco from a normal cigarette

You need
Pot, grass, ganja, marijuana
It has various names
But they all refer to the following three main types
Weed, weed is the bud from hemp plants
The effect is usually uplifting and mellow
Hash, hash is the pressed pollens and resins of the marijuana plant
You will experience a more relaxed feeling
And a stronger effect than weed
Skunk, skunk is the artificially grown hemp plant
And is usually the strongest of the three

There are different ways to make a joint

But we have produced this six step
Easy to follow guide

One, if you have hash you need to heat it and crumble it
If its weed, you need to remove the seeds first
And then crumble it as well
Two, roll the mouth piece
Fold the end of the paper three times
And then roll it in to a cylindrical form
Three, take the rolling paper
And hold it with the gum side on top away from you
Four, now mix the weed, skunk or hash with the tobacco
On the rolling paper
A good mix makes the joint burn nice and smooth
But be careful
Half a gram is enough to get four people stoned
If your beginners
Five, begin rolling
Place the mouth piece in one end of the rolling paper
Then start rolling from the middle going out wards
Let your thumbs do the walking
And try to give support and pressure with your for fingers
Six, wet the glue and seal the joint

Now you have a joint
It’s up to you what you want to do with it

Why is marijuana not legal? Why is marijuana not legal? It's a natural
plant that grows in the dirt. You know what's not natural? Eighty year
old dudes with hard ons. That's not natural, but we've got pills for that.
We're dedicating all our medical resources to keeping the old guys
erect but we're putting people in jail for smoking something that grows
in the dirt?

You know, we have more prescription drugs now than ever. Every
commercial on TV is a prescription drug ad. I can't watch TV for four
minutes without thinking i have five serious diseases. Like, "Do you
ever wake up tired in the mornings?" Oh my god, I have this, write
this down! Whatever this is, I have this! Half the time you don't even
know what the commercial is, there's people running through fields,
or flying kites, or swimming in the ocean. Like, that is the greatest
disease ever! How do you get that? That disease comes with a hot
chick and a puppy!

The schools now, it's all about self-esteem in the schools. Build the
kids' self-esteem, make them feel good about themselves. If
everybody grows up with high self esteem, who's gonna dance in our
strip clubs? What's gonna happen to our porno industry? These women
don't just grow on trees, it takes lots of drunk daddies missing a lot of
dance recitals before you decide to blow a goat on the internet for fifty
bucks. And if that disappears, where does that leave me on a Friday
with my new high speed connection?

Sing sing sing... Sing your song... Sing for me... (Come on now, sing)
Sing sing sing... Sing your song... Sing for me... (Sing sing sing...)

Mastermind's not a word that comes up all the time, you keep hearing
about these, ah, these terrorist masterminds that are being killed over
in the middle-east. Terrorist masterminds! Mastermind is sort of a lofty
way to describe what these guys do, don't you think? They're not
masterminds! "Okay you take bomb, right? And you put in backpack,
then you get on the bus and you blow yourself up." "Why do I have
to... blow myself up? Why don't I put, uh --" "Who's the fucking
mastermind here, me or you?!"

Americans, let's face it, we've been a spoiled country for a long time,
you know what the number one health risk in america is? Obesity!
Obesity! They say we're in the middle of an obesity epidemic. An
epidemic! Like it's Polio! Like, we'll be talking to our grandchildren
about it one day, the great obesity epidemic of 2004. "How'd you get
through it, grandpa?" "Oh, it was horrible, Johnny, there was
cheesecake and pork chops everywhere."

Nobody knows why we're getting fatter, look at our lifestyles. I'll sit at
a drive-thru, I'll sit there for, I'll sit there behind fifteen other cars
instead of getting up and making an eight foot walk to the totally
empty counter. Everything's mega-mealed, super-sized, "Want
biggie fries with that, want a jumbo-fry, wanna go large, want a
biggie fry, wanna have thirty burgers for a nickel, you fat
motherfucker? There's room in the bag, take it! Want a fifty-five
gallon drum of coke with that? It's only three more cents!"

Sing sing sing... Sing your song... Sing for me... (Come on now, sing)
Sing sing sing... Sing your song... Sing for me... (Sing sing sing...)

Sometimes you've gotta suffer a little in your youth to motivate you to
succeed later in life. You think if Bill Gates got laid in high school, do
you think there'd be a Microsoft? Of course not! You've got to spend a
long time stuffed in your own locker with your underwear wedged up
your ass before you start thinking: "I'm gonna take over the world of
computers, you'll see! I'll show them!"

We're in one of the richest countries in the world and the minimum
wage is lower now than it was thirty-five years ago. There are
homeless people everywhere, this homeless guy asked me for money,
the other day, I was about to give it to him, and I thought: he's just
gonna use it on drugs or alcohol. And then I thought: That's what I'm
gonna use it on! Why am I judging this poor bastard? People love to
judge homeless guys. Like, you give him the money and he's just
gonna waste it, he's gonna waste the money. Well he lives in a box!
What do you want him to do with it, save it up and buy a wall unit?
Take a little run to the store for a throw rug and a cd rack? He's
homeless! I walked behind this guy the other day, a homeless guy
asked him for money, he looks right at the homeless guy, he goes:
"Why don't you go out and get a job, you bum?"

People always say that to homeless guys, get a job. Like it's always
that easy. This homeless guy was wearing his underwear outside his
pants. I'm guessing his resume ain't all up to date. I'm predicting
some problems during the interview process. I'm pretty sure
McDonalds has an 'Underwear Goes Inside The Pants' policy Not that
they enforce it very strictly, but technically, i'm sure it's on the books.

Sing sing sing... Sing your song... Sing for me... (Come on now, sing)
Baby, Sing sing sing... Sing your song... Sing for me... (Sing sing sing...)

[No lyrics]

One life, one shard, one move, one god. This the truth, yeah
Word up for the lazy boy, word up for the lazy boy. This is the truth..

You dont win silver, you lose gold.
Stop earning the right to be, you won the day you were born.
If you dont know what direction you should take, you dont know where you are.
Success is a matter of luck, ask any failure.
Never let a fool kiss you, or a kiss fool you.
We are born naked, wet, and hungry, then things get worse.
Your success is measured by your ability to finish things.
Skepticism is the beggining of faith.
Forgive your enemies but never forget their names.
There is no such thing as right or wrong, only consequences.

One life, one shard, one move, one god. This the truth, yeah
Word up for the lazy boy, word up for the lazy boy. This is the truth..

All men are born equal but quite a few of them eventually get over it.
We are the people our parents warned us about.
Somtimes I think the surest sign of inteligent life exists elsewhere in the universe, is that none of them have tried to contact us.
Be nice to nerds, chances are youll end up working for one.
Do not get mad with others because they know more than you, it is not their fault.
If you do not change your beliefs, your life will always be like this.
Fantasy is as important as wisdom.
Do not try to satisfy everyone.
The biggest lie you can tell yourself is, "When I get what I want I will be happy."

One life, one shard, one move, one god. This the truth, yeah
Word up for the lazy boy, word up for the lazy boy. This is the truth..

Dont take life too seriously... you wont get out alive.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
Life is shorter than expected, What you are willing to accept is exactly what you will get.
You cant control, without being controlled.
Creativity is great but plagiarism is faster.
You are the very reason for everything that happens to you.
Someone said to Voltaire, "life is hard", Voltaire replied, "Compared to what?"

One life, one shard, one move, one god. This the truth, yeah
Word up for the lazy boy, word up for the lazy boy. This is the truth..

You can cut to the chase
And you know its okay
Coz we only read the headlines
We only read the headlines

Baby get to the point
And quit the full play
We only read the headlines
We only read the headlines anyways

54% of bank robberies take place on a Friday
Women blink nearly twice as much as men
Elvis never ever gave an encore
The number of wars fought between countries
That both have at least one McDonalds is zero
Every 5 minutes an area of rainforest the size of a foot ball field
Is eliminated
Women who read romance novels
Have sex twice as often as those who don’t
Did you know?
A can of diet coke will float in water
While a can of regular coke will sink
The Muppet show was banned from TV in Saudi Arabia
Because one of its stars was a pig
Males on average think about sex
Every 7 seconds
More than 50% of the people in the world have never made
Or received a telephone call
Syphilis has risen 500% in the last six years in London
Why is it that everybody seems to get older?
Except for Cliff Richard

You can cut to the chase
And you know its okay
Coz we only read the headlines
We only read the headlines

Baby get to the point
And quit the full play
We only read the headlines
We only read the headlines anyways

1 out of 10 girls under 20 is carrying Chlamydia
According to several sources
Dr. Harvey Kellogg tried to make a cure for masturbation
When he made cornflakes
Women are 30% more active during a full moon
Indonesia is the country with the highest scout membership
In every single episode of Seinfeld
There’s a superman in at least one scene somewhere
If you weighed all the animals in the world
Hens would be 10% of the total weight

In Minnesota there’s a law
That prevents men from having sex with living fish
Jimmy Carter can read 2000 words per minute
Humans and dolphins are the only species
That has sex for pleasure
Danny deVito is taller than Dolly Parton

You can cut to the chase
And you know its okay
Coz we only read the headlines
We only read the headlines

In the papers on the news
Heavens heard there’s no excuse
In formations everywhere
All you need to know is right here

It’s possible to attend your own funeral
Because the human brain continues to send out electrical wave signals
For up to 37hours following death

We only read the headlines
We only read the headlines
We only read the headlines

You can cut to the chase
And you know its okay
Coz we only read the headlines
We only read the headlines

Baby get to the point
And quit the full play
We only read the headlines
We only read the headlines anyways

It’s all about love
No matter what race they are
Prey to god, love everybody'
Whoever loves you love them back

You know love is like a big pot hole
You can look at it but don’t fall in it

Love? Well we’ve been married almost 50years
You have to try real hard and work at it
And look away

Love it hurts and love is the truth
Love never lies, love is not jellous
And love is beautiful

Be faithful to the one you love
Remain true to the one you love

Be nice to everybody
And you know they’ll do the same to you
They’ll be nice to you

Be open to love, don’t get blinded by love

Love is my harley Davidson American made
Nothing like it in the world

I’m first in everything
If I can’t love myself, I can’t love you

Love the flower love the trees love everything

When you open your eyes in the morning
You say it’s a love for me I’m happy

Don’t settle no matter how old you are
If you’re a girl 30years old and your biological clock is ticking
Coz you feel like you have to have a child
Unless you find a person
Don’t settle
Keep looking
Even if you don’t find that person till your 40 or 45
Keep looking
Because once you do you’ll find your soul mate
It’s a love like no other

Follow your heart that it

Don’t go after the beauties
That’s only skin deep

There’s a very thin line between
You know being open to love
And just letting someone take advantage of you

Keep it with god and in your heart
And it works out pretty good
You can’t be evil, you gotta have good in your heart
So as I find me a girl, I show her what love is

Go with the flow

Never lose respect

Don’t get your heart broken

Respect each other always
Of corse we need love
Like in a relationship its like a rollercoaster up and down
Like if I go in to another room and wait and count to ten and let it go

Becareful with it be very carful
But enjoy it at the same time
I mean don’t be too weary

I think its all about yourself
Love yourself then it all kind of
It kinda goes out from that direction
I think a lot of people try to find things and people and cause
Without searching for it within themselves
You got to hit the base first
Or its all kinda hollow

Best thing to do is it talk about it
Whatever it is just talk
Even if it risks the other person getting angry
Whatever
You don’t go to bed angry at each other
If you talk it though
I mean all the way though
At the end of it your back in love again
It’s the cure all
It’s the fix

Is there a recipe to love?
Communicate

Love is giving and forgiving
And that’s the way it should be
Every one should love each other
Because there should be no hate in the world
Period
If everyone loved each other
There would be no problems in the world today
We would all be at peace
I believe in peace

Yo, love yourself above all else
Because you may have all your feeling up in somebody else
Love yourself more than anybody else

Love is the meaning of life
Do one cool thing to someone else
Each day

Make it
Whenever your gonna have love
Your gonna have pain
Just accept it

It’s the greatest thing that there is