Oh what have you done with your life
Oh please don't tell me
Just shut up and go to work
Cause you're interrupting me
I won't represent the U.S.
In the summer olympics
My character's questionable
My life is a broken record
CHORUS:
I'm shredding the document
I'm keeping my mouth shut
I'm running on radio silence
I'm letting the record speak
I'm shredding the document
The switchboard is lighting up
I'm not taking anymore calls
Well maybe from larry King
And I don't know who killed who
I'm having a sex change
To a woman who loves too much
My sister's a petty thief
I doctored the evidence
Yeah it was a cover up
I want to stay wrapped in my blanket
And never get out of bed
REPEAT CHORUS
All rumor and innuendo
An Eagles reunion
The 20th century's closing
It's closing in on me
You know what my father said
Well I'm not going to tell you
Some words that I try to live by
It's none of your goddamn business
REPEAT CHORUS
I'm shredding the document
The switchboard is lighting up
I'm not taking anymore calls
Well maybe from Oprah Winfrey
Switch to Russian 
