Goldie Lookin' Chain Album

[No lyrics]

good evening folks, welcome to draw club. draw club is our society
through this cd you will learn the ways to enhance your draw using skills
if you've never used draw before, possibly by the end of this you'll be...using
draw
but in order to use draw you'll have to listen to this cd first
so..er...to use draw, i've got ..er...a couple of members of the goldie lookin'
chain draw using society. er....with me is er....2000 ad, aka Mr. two hats, are
you a draw user, son?

"yeah fukin' 'ell man, i've been uh....smokin' draw for a couple years now,
uh.... fukin safe,
uh...bit blocked up at the moment, uh.....bit out of my head, innit, you fukin'
knows it, uh, fukin razzle dazzle"

very good, er....opinion on draw there. er..also we've er..p xain, a fellow draw
user, will also show you the way to use draw, p xain...have you used draw
recent?

"i 'ave er...been using draw recently, over the few...... last couple of months
because i've er 'ad a bit of the arthritis in the hand and apparently it eases
the pain which it has been doing. er, i'd like to talk to you later where I will
be demonstrating how to er, erect er and perform the building and craftsmanship
of a spliff with your 5 basic things that you need.....

that's fags, rizla, draw, summit to light it with, prefferably a clipper
lighter, remember that, very good, clip...clipper elite, they're the best, very
good...ok and you need something nice and solid to skin up on, that's number 5,
remember that one, ok, back to you egg, how you doin'?"

so there you have it, your 5 things you need to start the process, if you'd like
to stop the cd now and go and get the 5 things from around the house, you may
borrow something off of a neighbour, prepare yourself in a comfortable chair,
listen to the following song and we'll come back with step 2 later...introducing
you to the draw...

[No lyrics]

His name's Mike Balls and he's safe you see
Just like you and me, he's GLC
He's been into soccer violence for quite some time
But give him the draw, and he's fine

I said Mike:
YEAH!
Where d'you get your leisurewear?
I got my tracksuit from a shop in Aberdare
I wears my gold outside of my shirt
And I borrowed my sovereign off my Uncle Bert

Yeah Mike:
You knows it!
Where d'you get your trainers from?
I won em off a bloke that I smoked off on a bong
Yeah I think I know the geezer, I think he's called Pazzo
I had to have em they were Silver Shadow

My name's Ballsy, come on Japan and Korea
I'm going to the World Cup to drink some beer
Cause some destruction while I'm here
And fcuk some little Thai girls up the rear
I've got tickets, for the game with the Argies
There's gonna be some argy-bargy
I've been into fighting for all of my life
And when I gets married I'm gonna beat the wife

His name's Mike Balls and he's got a machete
He'll cut you into bits until you look like confetti
Soccer violence is a game what he plays
When he buys the draw it's his nan what pays

I'm back, and I'm ringing my bell
You'll better not stare cos I'll stare as well
And if you get a fcukin stare off me
Then you better be a member of the GLC
Cos if you're not, then you better sit tight
I'll come over to you and I'll start a fight
And tell you that my name is fcukin Mike Balls
And kick your head against at least 4 walls

He's safe, and he's got respect
For the GLC crew, to some effect
But mess with him, he'll leave your face in a mess
His name's Mike Balls - EXPECT NO LESS!

Listen Mike:
WHAT?
Tell me about your chain
It weighs a ton and won't go rusty in the rain
Mike Balls:
YEAH!
What have you got?
I've got draw fags and rizla and a dose of cock rot

Me Xain and 2Hats were selling some hash
This twat had come after our fcukin stash
So I hit him in the head with a fcukin pint glass
And shoved a red hot poker up his arse

If Mike don't like you then you'll hear the silence
It's the Mike Balls school of fcukin soccer violence
Mike how d'you organise a fight?
I does it by the e-mail in the middle of the night

He's Mike Balls
AAH YEAH!
And he's safe as fcuk
Banned from the terraces since the FA Cup

I took a bird out to dinner the other night
Things went wicked, I got into a fight
With 3 fcukin blokes that were looking at her arse
So I re-arranged their faces with a fcukin brandy glass
I got escorted out by the fcukin police
My bird sucked them off to help with my release
I said you better get tested, she'll give you the clap
I'm in the GLC, and this is how I rap

He's back:
YEAH!
Listen to what he's saying
I always start a fight no matter who's playing
That's right:
I'M BACK!
And he loves to fight
I'll kick you in the head till you lose your fcukin sight

He's got a tracksuit, and he wears the gold
I'm the hardest man in soccer violence, so I'm told
He has to watch the match, on a big screen
And at half time I tokes on some green

When I'm not on medication, I drive across the nation
Organising violence to keep up my reputation

You knows it, this is Mike Balls, this is the year 2002, smacking everybody's
face in for the World Cup, you knows it!

The first time that I met my mate
Was in the roller rink where I went to skate
It was early in the decade around '83
Back then Maskell's was the place to be

Pay two quid for your entry fee
I glide into the arena, ecstasy
When you were seven you didn't realise
Most of the adults were stoned out of their eyes

Some jacked up on the seats around the edge
Others were so fcuked that they turned into veg
I didn't care cos I made my pledge
Rollskating at Maskell's got respect

I used to listen to Public Enemy
Erik B and Rakim and BVSMP
But before that, in 1983
I'd go breakdancing after my tea

Down the youth club, eating the fruit pastels
Saturday morning I'd go down to Maskell's
It was my favourite place to go
Dancing all day at the Rollerdisco

ne-ne-ne-ne-ne-ne-ne-ne-ne-nineteen eighty three

When Maskells is over it's out on your bike
Doing bunny hops and wheelies if you like
Nicking from the shop and comparing your Nike
Dropping bricks onto trains was a delight

Then I'd find a weak kid and have a fight
Use your pocket money to buy a head band for the night
From Fussels, Newport's health-sports store
This is the stuff I used to do before

Draw... Paul Hardcastle, ne-ne-nineteen
Was always played on the rollerdisco scene
I would listen to music 'til I went deaf
Skating around backwards to Axel F

Even back then I was still wearing gold
They had an ice rink upstairs, so I was told
It was ecstasy going round a pillar
Doing a special dance to Michael Jackson's Thriller

You-You-You-You-You-You-You-You-You fukin' knows it

ne-ne-ne-ne-ne-ne-ne-ne-ne-nineteen eighty three

Eating cola cubes and watching Grange Hill
Riding my chopper to the Chip shop in Pill
I didn't know words like Cunny or Vag
Getting my 200 metres swimming badge

Back then you were seven, I was eight
I only just started to masturbate
When I was in school the days went slow
Cos I was dreaming of a fukin' rollerdisco

I didn't smoke, I didn't drink booze
I collected star wars stickers and bubble gum tattoos
Stuck 'em on my face cos it made me feel hard
Then popped into the shop to buy some football cards

Finished the album, Panini '83
Get back home in time for the A-Team and tea
Then watch Bullseye, and Saint and Greavsie
Then go to bed, 'til tomorrow, see?

I watch the A-Team and Airwolf too
Before I found drugs and started sniffing glue
Riding round the lane on my Grifter or my Chopper
Even back then I was a hip-hopper

HI
My name is Renee Laloo
And im gonna sing a song for you about love an how love can tear you apart

It was a night like any other in this town
I took a bus to take a look around
I wanted romance, I wanted someone just like you
But you were locked up in bristol zoo

It was the summer maybe back a year or two
On my first day trip to the zoo (zoo)
Thats when I saw you, I caught your brown eyes watching mine
My heart lit up at feedin' time (time)

I knew from that moment onwards, you had to be mine
I made a vow to set you free
Together we could live in the forest and be
Eatin' berries an kissin each other (forest an be)

It wasn't natural, I knew this romance was so true
I had to love you, I had to hold ya in my arms
But we were parted by bars (aah)
And so I stuck round, waited 'till the dead of night
I climbed the enclosure with you (oooo)

I put a wig on, your head to make you look so nice
I bought a dress an high heels too (toooo)
We had a meal, fresh fruit by candle light
An then we made love till two oooooo

(chorus)
I love the monkey
An then he fucked her
I love the monkey
An then he fucked her
I love the monkey
An then he fucked her
I love the monkeeeeyyyyy an then I fucked her

You see, theres someone special in my life
Someone I hold very close to my heart
But we could never be together in a crazy world like this
'Cuz the woman of my dreams just happens to be a monkey...
Locked up in bristol zoo

We made a dummy, from boxes an banana skins
And told the keeper it was you(oooooo)
We walked away, hand in hand across the park
And then went back home just to screw (screwoohooohooo)

(chorus)

Finally, me an Jolene were together
For the first time in months, she saw the outside world
She saw beautiful people, beautiful places
But she saw my love in its physical form
Which she enjoyed the most
Untill the authorities came an took her away
And I got given that injection to stop me gettin' rabees
I love her and I still think about her

[No lyrics]

[No lyrics]

You see's me up church on a Sunday morning, but oh son, you've had your final
warnin

If you fucks with us or plays dirty tricks
We're smashin your face in with punches an kicks
It's a dark time an it's getting fuckin darker
If you see's us then you better scarper
When the suns gone down if we catch you outside
You're gunna end up… hospitalised
Like blind date or surprise surprise
I look like Cilla black wearin a disguise
I like Anne Robinson getting fucked in the eyes
We can get to you in many ways
The streets are straight but they look like a maze
You know what'll happen if you don't pays

I'm from Duffryn, fuckin no bufflin (I knows you done over the Spar)
No fuckin bufflin I'm from Duffryn (So gimme the money)
I'm from Duffryn, fuckin no bufflin (An a box a Rizla what you nicked)
No fuckin bufflin I'm from Duffryn (Or I'll fuckin batter you)

If you don't pay me you better be expectin,
I visit from the DVS debt collectin
Feedin me bullshit I'm detectin
I'll cut you up, human dissecting
We know that you've been telling lies
That stolen VCR didn't come from our supplies
I know I thought we'd reached an agreement
Don't mess with us, you'll get good treatment
I saw you sellin six cans of lager
Little kids, in front of their father
Now I don't mind, just slide me my cut
No explanation needed you knows that you're fucked
Been placed in charged to keep the peace
Nobody can touch us not even the police
Duffryn Vigilante Squad it ain't nothing funny
Lookin after you if you gives us the money.

I'm from Duffryn, fuckin no bufflin (I know you're commitin benefit fraud)
No fuckin bufflin I'm from Duffryn (So if you don't give me the cut)
I'm from Duffryn, fuckin no bufflin (I'm gunna fuckin knock you out alright?)
No fuckin bufflin I'm from Duffryn

I caught you sellin fags an now your face is a mess
Cause I know you never got ‘em off the DVS
Ruin the streets, we're sharper than scissors
Cleanin the streets and takin no prisoners
We're Duffryn Vigilante Squad Members
Fuckin Up old Faggots and Benders
Makin ‘em think about what they're doin
It's not natural so they'll get a Shoein.
Sandpiper Way an Kingfisher Drive
Don't leave the house without a knife
Watchout Joyriders we got a stinger
You'll get assraped if you fucks a minger
I don't give a fuck if you stealin pensions
Workin on the fiddle doin extensions
I wants my cut I make no exceptions
If it's in Duffryn you better mention…it, to me.. Cause I wanna know

I'm from Duffryn, fuckin no bufflin (I knows your mothers got a part time job)
No fuckin bufflin I'm from Duffryn (Down the doctors surgery)
I'm from Duffryn, fuckin no bufflin (So fuckin swipe me a pad of prescription
forms)
No fuckin bufflin I'm from Duffryn (You clit)

Chilled in a Portacabin in Tradegar Park
At nightfall, we comes out cause its dark
We gets tooled up with a gun an a crossbow
Make intimidation heavy like in Moscow
Or some other place behind the iron curtain
If you sells drugs you knows your certain
You'll get chained up, tortured with electrodes
Pledge your nipples, an both big toes

I'm from Duffryn, fuckin no bufflin
No fuckin bufflin I'm from Duffryn
I'm from Duffryn, fuckin no bufflin

Aw... look at that, man... she's got white cotton panties on. Have you seen the
bird on page 13?
Yeah man, she's a bit dirty, innit...i usually buy fat or pregnant but I
couldn't get it this week so I had to settle for this magazine...yeah, whassit
called...sexy...sexy ladies! that's alright innit man...yeah..........Fuckin'
look at her... Corrr!

This song is for all the sexy ladies
Penelope Keith, Debbie McGee.... Lily Savage (that's a fuckin' man, I told you
before!)

Sexy ladies, by the bus stop, with a kid in a pram and a lollipop
Drive past listening to sick hip hop, pull over in the car and I'm into the shop
A bird called Rita, makes me stop, she's a fcuking nurse so she gives me cough
and drop
i walk away smiling, it's the start of the day, to all the sexy ladies, I wanna
say 'hey'
i love you if you're young of if you're hair's old and grey
word, sexy ladies, come out and play
You know it makes sense to you and me
So get your tits out and let me feel them for free

sexy ladies gets closer to me, I wanna touch you on the vadge tonight

Sexy slags with the fuckin' big tits, with the perfect arses and the shaven
slits
All around me trying to get my attention, and I got two ladies maintaining my
erection
You gotta get where the dirty birds are, you can go up to yates' or down to
zanzibar

sexy ladies everywhere I go, when I'm wrecked up when I'm not smokin' the blow
I sees 'em down the street by the fuckin' bus stop
I sees one of them getting talked to by a cop
'all right love i've been looking at your baps
I wanna touch your tits and put my fingers in your gaps
I gotta say you've got beautiful eyes, now let me put me hands between your
thighs
I touch your lips but don't speak, you could be a model or in that band Mis-Teeq'

Sexy ladies gets closer to me, I wanna touch you on the vadge tonight

I wanna touch your tits, I wanna touch your bum
I wanna touch your sister, I'm gonna touch your mum
Sexy ladies, naked in my mind, wiggling their tits, shaking their behind
if you're a dirty bird then I'm gonna pounce
i get closer you wanna do the booty bounce
Pissed up slags walking round with no shoes
they all look so dirty when you're pissed up on booze

Sexy ladies, you wanna make babies? I'm the dog, you're the rabies
the paper to my pen, the ink in my well, like alan titchmarsh and a fuckin'
garden trowel
you always wipe my ass when I empty my bowel
when it comes to other women they just throw in the towel
I don't complain, I love you too much, and a fukin' ankle bracelet is a
beautiful touch...uuh

chorus -
sexy ladies gets closer to me, I wanna touch you on the fadge tonight

Because I shit myself, yes I shit myself, because I got wrecked up
and then I shit myself.
Because I shit myself, yes I shit myself, because I got wrecked up
and then I shit myself.

Ah..

Don't front, you better check your back
How can you be down when your pants are full of cack?
You thought you'd fart, the shit did dart
The mouth of the ringpiece was fuckin torn apart

It's not your fault, you thought you'd be ok
Cos every motherfukcer farts at least twice a day
In public or at home in the bath
those little brown bubbles always make me fuckin laugh

But right now, you use a scarf
To wipe the shit that made Mike Balls laugh
He said "Oh son, you fukcin drew mud the next thing I know my
ringpiece starts to cough up blood"

Because I shit myself, yes I shit myself, because I got wrecked up
and then I shit myself.

I grab the mike, I never put it down
My ringpiece stretches, I start to frown
I'm feelin' shitty, my arse is going mad
I'm fukced up from a curry I had

It was too runny, too much fukcin cream
My ringpice starts to stream
It goes down, the back of my leg
Next thing I know I'd be better off dead.

Because I shit myself, yes I shit myself, because I got wrecked up
and then I shit myself.

It wasn't fun, I had a bad bum
It's not good, when you gets the runs

You know you shit yourself, you know you shit yourself

my name is professor doppleganger and I am here to unlock the secrets of your
mind, to discover why you really are the psychotic trauma case that we have been
told you are by the authorities, you will lie down on the couch and listen to my
voice, I will count down from ten,

on one you will be asleep, ten......nine.....eight......you are feeling
drowsy........seven......six.........you are falling into a deep, erotic
sleep.......five............four.......your eyes are becoming heavier and
heavier........you are getting closer......two......one......you are asleep

your self conscious mind is opening up to the power of my suggestion, you are
feeling completely relaxed, listen to my voice, I will guide you, tell me of the
first time you committed an atrocity? what was the turning point? when did you
realize you were different from the other boys?

what does it mean, at the age of thirteen
to stuff the kids next door in the washing machine?
switch it to spin, stand back and laugh
then hang 'em by their nuts from a telegraph-

-pole, german, swedish, french and dutch too
the voices have been calling me eggsie since '82
it's not my fault, I can't be to blame
it's the voices in my head calling out my fukin' name

you claim to be the embodiment of several different personas, each one seemingly
more confusing and profound, search within your mind, who am I talking to now?

hi, rennie-la-lou, a new member of the crew,
on the doctors couch for all the bad things that I do
you mighta heard it on the south west news
busted by the police for shagging monkeys in the zoos
on the TV, but I walked away free
on the grounds of being mental since the age of three

you also talk of another character called Chon Ben Wa Balls

fuk you, searchin' my past
if you step to me, the next breath is your last
you wanna hypnotize, get behind my eyes
if you delve any further then you're in for a surprise
i like doing things that cause pain and distress
alone in the house, i'll make your mother undress
you'll never break me or take me alive
you got more chance of fukin' Princess Di

after intensive hypnotic regression I have reached no solid conclusion, doctor
gob-shite, you hold the destiny of the test subject in your hand, what is your
opinion? are they to be punished?

mmm, let me ponder and let me think
these boys, they like to smoke and they like to fight and drink
their depravity defies the very gravity
of the the situation in which their minds revolve or so I think

well doc, what's the prognosis?
they said they'd find a cure if I went and did hypnosis
they find the root of my fukin' psychosis
make me realize that my cause was hopeless
i fall asleep and questions they ask
like, 'let's take it back, back to your past'
i see the faces of the people i've known
it's like something out the fukin' twilight zone
then I feel it, it starts to come near
the root of all my evil - draw, fags and beer

we are beginning to break into the un-subconcious mind to find out the real
truth behind the goldie lookin' chain

[No lyrics]