Goldie Lookin' Chain Album

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“serious man, you fucking missus is nuts. My missus is nuts and all, she rings
me at least 40 times a day…. Serious!”

I seen you last night, you were drinkin' in the pub,
You were drinkin' with that bird you tried to chat up in the nightclub,
Can't say her name but she's got a gammy eye,
And I'm feeling near her violence when I have to walk on by,
You can't deny it, it's something you can't miss,
That bird thats hangin' out with you is mad like cats piss,
Like bread and jam or a knife drawn with butter,
Face it son, your missus is a nutter!

Chorus-

Oh son, your missus is a nutter!
Oh son, your missus is a nutter!
Oh son, your missus is a nutter!
Leave her at home! Your missus is a nutter!

I never seen a woman make a fuckin' skinhead cry,
And I never seen a woman tryin' to snap an arm with a thigh,
Now I have and its just across the pub,
And the worst thing is,
she's taking you out for a rub,
You don’t deserve it, you know it’s a fact,
But mix her up with booze you gotta suicide pact,
2 tequilas and 4 vodka mules,
She's a wrecking ball and her fists are the tools.

Binge drinking, binge drinking tried keeping up with your missus,
What was I thinking?
She looks like Caprice,
But it’s a shock to see her wrestling 2 police,
With one in a headlock!
Fighting with bouncers and flashing her bits,
After too flamin’ sambucas she dont care who she hits,
Waking up on Sunday morning with bruises and cuts,
Face it son, your missus is nuts!

Chorus

Your missus was looking at my missus,
So my missus, sparked out your missus,
Your missus was looking at my missus,
So my missus, sparked out your missus,


It was last week, what really got me thinking,
About how your missus goes nuts when we go drinking,
Last week, she ended up on a binge, she got off her tits,
And showed the bouncers her minge,
And it’s the threat of grievous bodily harm,
She needs to keep calm,
And use her charm,
I used to think it was funny,
It made me laugh,
When she threw the ash trays at the bar staff.


Stabbed a man with a comb, just to get a drink,
Theres no logic, just stand there

Drink, fight, drink, fight, drink

She grabs your throat, and stares into your eyes,
Have you ever seen a woman kill a man with her thighs?

Oh son, your missus is trouble,
Everytime you have a drink she has a double,
Is she on pukkas?
I think shes tripping?
Stop lookin' at me love it's water what I'm sippin'.

Break-

“I seen her get on a mountain bike, and drove into timbland (?) and did 'em all
in…. wikkid”


Repeat chorus X 3

(over third chorus)

(pussy whip, pussy whip….)

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Adam: Is that boy balls going off on one again? Look, son, I told you before.
It's all lies. Don't fuk'n listen to 'em clarts

Let me tell you a story about a mate of mine
You'll have to bear with me I've had a bottle of wine
His name's Adam Hussain and he's really alright
He shagged a mongo in his car, late one night

It was some time back in late '83
Benny Blanco was his name and he came round to tea
He made his excuses and went to the bog
Xain found him outside, shagging the dog

He's never been the same since that summer's day
He lost his fuk'n head and thought he was gay
We soon brought him round with a big fat blunt
Then we showed him some pictures of a dripping c*nt

Dunlop. Greenflash. 13.99.
Dunlop. Greenflash. They calls it LSD and it's fuk'n wicked man

If you need your fix, you know where to go
Get on the phone to Benny Blanco
He doesn't mind, even when he's with a whore
He's the 'Port's drug ambassador

He'll deliver to you, within the hour
In his Patrick shell suit, sometimes with a flower
In his collar, he looks fuk'n dollar
and his eyes are quite similar to the Ayatollah

I first met Hussain whilst pissed on a train
He was off to Heathrow to catch a fuk'n plane
I think he had a connection to organise the draw
Cos he gave me three ounces and a photo of Roger Moore

He told me a story about a bird he shagged
He took for a spin in a car he blagged
They pulled into a lay-by and started getting busy
He ripped off her pants and covered her in c*nt jizzy

She said to him, "you really make me hot,
i don't even mind about the cock rot!"
So he seized his chance and took a tricky brown
But it all went pear-shaped when he took a look down

There were loads of skid marks all over his seat
They were white leather so they'd be there for weeks
He blagged the car from his cousin in Aberdare
And when he gave it back there was shit everywhere

Adam: There may be an element of truth there, right? Er, but most of it, it..
it... it's fcuking lies. I swear to god, I never done nothing like that before

Eggsie: Yous fcukings knows it. I am a fcuking robot. Is ams froms outers
spaces. Is ams froms jus-pis-ters.

Went to pick a man up in my fuk'n car
There's a rave up in Wentwood, It's not very far
We've got drugs and lager, we've been to the Spar
House, techno, acid - there's even a bar

Adam got fuk'd up, off his head on pills
He got on the podium to show us his skills
He dropped his can of lager and slipped in the mess
And ripped down this fuk'n minging birds dress

This minging bird said, "You make me cringe"
Hussain' shoved his fingers up her minge
He said, "My beer goggles are on but you're quite smart"
"Come back to my place you fuk'n tart!"

She kicked him in the bollocks and punched him the eye
He said, "you still haven't given me a fuk'n reply"
She said, "You'll never get me back to your place."
So Adam pinned her down and shot his man fat in her face

When I first met Benny Blanco he sold me the blow
After bingo at the community disco
He fingered, two mingers,
And was making girls sniff his fingers

Smoked bongs and drank Strongbow
Went for a drive and shagged a mongo
He's been bad, since the day he was born
And he's got a huge collection of dog porn

Adam: That fuk'n shit about shagging a mongo, that's not true, right? Are you
trying to frame me, or something? Let me kick some fuk'n shit to you now, right
guys...

Some of it's lies and some of it's the truth
I'm Benny Blanco and you got no proof
The dog porn shit? It's all propaganda
Although I seen some sick shit with an electric sander

And a girl in a bikini called Miranda
Giving it to a shitty dog, seal and a panda
Went in HMV, to buy a DVD
Of some oral sex - beastiality

I couldn't get any, I was feeling quite forlorn
Until I found this tape of dog porn
When I got it home, it weren't my cup of tea
But Eggsie had to have a w4nk cos it was free

So call it the truth, so call it slander
But I don't give a fuk cos I'm drinking Moet Chandon
I starred in a cock film called Black Mamba
And I feels like Sean Connery that film, er, Highlander

I'm Adam Hussain, alright? If you thinks I been shagging fuk'n animals, you'd be
mistaken, like. But if you fuk'n thinks I have, I'll fuk'n shag you with that
metal pig outside the market.

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HI
My name is Renee Laloo
And im gonna sing a song for you about love an how love can tear you apart

It was a night like any other in this town
I took a bus to take a look around
I wanted romance, I wanted someone just like you
But you were locked up in bristol zoo

It was the summer maybe back a year or two
On my first day trip to the zoo (zoo)
Thats when I saw you, I caught your brown eyes watching mine
My heart lit up at feedin' time (time)

I knew from that moment onwards, you had to be mine
I made a vow to set you free
Together we could live in the forest and be
Eatin' berries an kissin each other (forest an be)

It wasn't natural, I knew this romance was so true
I had to love you, I had to hold ya in my arms
But we were parted by bars (aah)
And so I stuck round, waited 'till the dead of night
I climbed the enclosure with you (oooo)

I put a wig on, your head to make you look so nice
I bought a dress an high heels too (toooo)
We had a meal, fresh fruit by candle light
An then we made love till two oooooo

(chorus)
I love the monkey
An then he fucked her
I love the monkey
An then he fucked her
I love the monkey
An then he fucked her
I love the monkeeeeyyyyy an then I fucked her

You see, theres someone special in my life
Someone I hold very close to my heart
But we could never be together in a crazy world like this
'Cuz the woman of my dreams just happens to be a monkey...
Locked up in bristol zoo

We made a dummy, from boxes an banana skins
And told the keeper it was you(oooooo)
We walked away, hand in hand across the park
And then went back home just to screw (screwoohooohooo)

(chorus)

Finally, me an Jolene were together
For the first time in months, she saw the outside world
She saw beautiful people, beautiful places
But she saw my love in its physical form
Which she enjoyed the most
Untill the authorities came an took her away
And I got given that injection to stop me gettin' rabees
I love her and I still think about her

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