Everclear Album

I have seen your shake
and I know what it cost you
I have heard your words now
I am big on your noise
my eyes aren't big enough
because I can't see your hands
I can't see what you hold
I am growing now
as I watch you fade
now I know what you know
and I'll break the chains you have made
these chains you've made for me
I will pull you down
I know I'll fail in style
I long to touch your genius hands

I break every day
stressed out in every kind of way
I am sick and tired of being sick and tired
all I need and crave
is a loud life with the power to fade
I am living because I keep it all inside

love won't work for me
I want women who are out of my reach
all I need for sure
is a big love with the power to make more
I am living because I keep it all inside

I know I'm close to the fall
I know I'm dangerous
I'm afraid I'm going down

I blame my family,
their damage is living in me
I am sick inside and tired of my life
all I need I swear
is to go out with the power of a nightmare
I am living because I keep it all inside

I know I'm close to the fall
I know I'm dangerous
I know I'm not going down alone

Right now
Day one
I fall hard
When I fall
I always fall on you face
First head down
Eyes closed
Arms out to break my fall
We fall down like a world of noise
We get lost inside the length of our own time
And the laughing world will never forget
That it's when you jam
That I jet

I see
I want
I reach
I fail to hold the things that I need
I turn to reach for you
I want to touch our life before it fades
Like a burning car in the sun
We flame for the all in plain view
And the laughing world will never forget
That it's when you jam
That I jet

turn away from the pain you don't want
turning down to avoid them when they call
strange words I heard a long long time ago
I wish I could go back to a summer time
I knew more than twenty years ago
can't lay beneath the sheets
we lie underneath the maple tree
now I can't smile

lying in the grass with the wind around us as we smile and talk
listen to your grandma sing those country songs
she'd tell us how the maple turns to fire every four years
we'd sit in the grass all summer just to watch the autumn come around
I can't smile now

I live alone
and you're so far away
I call you once a year
just around the holiday
I still see you in the night
lying above me in the grass
I can't smile

turn away from the pain you don't want
turning down to avoid them when they call
I can't believe this letter that says you died
I think I'm gonna go back to the old house in north carolina
and lay in the backyard
get drunk and let the leaves just bury me
bury me
I can't smile

jackson met a girl
in a valley town
they fell into a teenage love she'd grow to hate
he's in prison now
since he beat her down
he got her pregnant and she made it go away
hey
hey
hey
hey
pennsylvania

I got a card today
from a girl I know
she used to live alone in philadelphia
she had to leave the state
for a choice she made
she says she feels just like a hostage in her home
hey
hey
hey
hey
pennsylvania

you can close your eyes
you can fall and die
you can hope your laws will make it go away
you can close your eyes
but you can't make it go away

I just got a call from my uncle mike
he said he left his wife
and he's not going back
said she changed her mind
about a desire child
I asked him if he wants a placemat or a wife
hey
hey
hey
hey
pennsylvania is wrong!

you know I want to be
the way you want me to
big hearted and tall enough to cover you
I would break in half
if you said it
loud splinter out of myself
just like mercury
I think it's better now
than how it used to be
you were lying in bed
and I would levitate
I think it's better here,
than where we used to be
I wish I could go out into the oregon sun
to be alive in the day
I would smile at everyone
I remember you back in '83
you were dressing insane
you were my everything
you were so different
from all those other girls
a blind electra in drag
so cool and casually lame
I think I'm better now
than how I used to be
always nervous and weird,
scared most of the time
I think it's better now
than how it used to be
always up in the night
afraid to live in the day
afraid of being afraid

now I sit alone
when you're not around
I read aloud
just to hear a friendly voice
I see you scary dolls
they always look at me
from the corner of my eyes
I see them shake their heads
you know I want to be
the way you me to
big hearted and tall enough to cover you
I wish I could go out just to be alive in the day

maybe I went too far this time
I just go crazy
when she says no
angel turns away
pulls her dress back down,
slowly washes her face
takes the bus to her job downtown
she said,
I'm ok
don't worry about me
now she thinks for herself,
hey what happened to me?
I told him that I thought it was over
told him that I wanted to leave
he used to touch me so nice
when we first met
I never dreamed he would hit me
I never dreamed he would hold me down
she said,
don't worry about me
I won't worry about you
I don't want to be friends
she said,
I'm ok
just leave me alone
she said,
don't worry about me
I won't worry about you
she said,
I'm ok
don't worry about me
I don't want to be friends
just leave me alone
don't worry about me

I remember when you seemed real shiny
with the sweat of your voice
shaky hands super load and teenage mouth
we were all charmed and taken with your talk
now I shudder when I hear the rhythm of your walk
now I've got no place to go
I've got no place to go
I've got no one, nowhere, no one
I have given up on the sparkle that I saw in your eyes
I have sinned the sin of wanting more
the belly fire pulls the spirit from the corporate whore
I'm embarrassed by the plaid you wear
if I were you I'd hide behind that stupid bleach blonde hair
now I've got no place to go
I've got no place to go
I've got no one, nowhere, no one
I have given up on the sparkle that I saw in you
yeah that simple minded sparkle that I thought I saw
yes I have wondered why you changed
I like it when you were super loud
I wonder if you're giving in
tell me why you're giving in

I know a couple who are in love living in the best of times
a truer love you will never know
right next to a pain they'll never realize
sheltered from it in a loving glow
young and happy and oh-so politically correct
just get it if you need it now
just go buy it if you need it in your life
don't you worry if it all runs out
don't worry because it never will
I know a young girl living in the shadow of the kind of life
that she could never make
she takes it all and gives it back
in love to handsome artists in her native state
she is the angel of the loser and the disenchanted soul
just get it if you need it now
just buy it if it makes you happy
don't you worry if it all runs out
don't worry because it never will

I hate waking up
it means that I have to die again tonight
35 years old and I'm still sleeping outside
yeah I think I know your face
I don't want to know your name
I won't give in
I'm not like that
I won't give in

you say it's christmas eve
that don't mean nothing to me
just another fucked up day
just another waste of time
you wonder why I live like this
man you just won't understand
I won't give in
I'm not like that
I won't give in

you smart ass college fuck
act like you think you're tough
I was just like you
more pride than you could know
think you pity me
I'll kick your ass if you pity me
I won't give in
I'm not like that
no I won't give in

to you you college boy
act like you think you're tall
I won't give in
I'm not like that
I won't give in

I will live
I will live
maybe for a year or two
maybe for a year
I will die
I will die
I can rest secure in that
I am goddamn sure that this thing ain't no accident
and I just can't believe that aids is just some act of god
I will reach for you
I will reach my hand
no one will reach for me
no one will touch my skin
yes I will accept
I will accept my pain
I don't deserve to die like this
no one deserves to die like this
sometimes I get so mad I just want to break the world

I will not be denied
I will not be ignored
I am not invisible anymore
I will not be denied
I will not be ignored
I am real I won't go away
I am not invisible anymore
sometimes I get so mad I just want to break the world

evergleam and I know why
god is good and jesus loves me
heaven lives and I know where
sounds to me a not so easy chair
falling free
and living stringing out
over and over
evergleam and I know why
it isn't real
and I'm not going to break
don't die
don't give in to it
no way
no way
don't die
please don't leave me
evergleam and I know how
pulling hair and breaking voices
giving in won't stop the noise
spinning wills don't give you choices
give away the spark inside
you give away the shining prize
evergleam and I know how
it isn't real
and I'm not going to break
no I'm not going to break

evergleam
everywhere
ever weird
everyone

I won't see you there
I'm not going away no way