Drive-By Truckers Album

I met your mama when I was sixteen
You couldn’t have been anymore than three
She caught me stealing yall’s color TV
She called the cops and they arrested me

She was the wildest thing I’d ever seen
the way she pointed that shotgun at me
the police hauled my ass off to jail
Your mama signed the trailer to help make the bail

She picked me up and drove me home
said “I’ll learn you not to roam”
Green green grass under my feet
but all I can think about’s the dirt underneath

Bulldozers and dirt Bulldozers and dirt
behind the trailer, my desert
Them red clay piles are heaven on earth
I get my rocks off, bulldozers and dirt

I got a pickup that’s up on blocks
Lyricsand I’m up to my ass in debt and hock
and I can’t get the red stains off of my socks
and I can’t get you off of my mind

I’ve lived with your mama for eleven years
Through good times, and bad times, fist fights and tears
but something comes over me when you come near
so won’t you come over and sip on this beer

Bulldozers and dirt Bulldozers and dirt
behind the trailer, my desert
I don’t mean no harm, I just like to flirt
but most of all I like bulldozers and dirt

most of all I like bulldozers and dirt

My roommate’s gun got nine bullets in it
Nine bullets in my roommate’s gun
My roommate’s gun got nine bullets in it
Gonna find a use for every last one

One for the love who chose to betray me, a real fine love who wouldn’t be true
One for the man that she betrayed with, a nice enough fella, she’ll betray him too
A nice enough fella, she’ll betray him too

One for my boss man, riding my butt again, sorry sir, but you’d better clock out
One for the lady down at the laundrymat, who goes threw my dryer pulling one sock out
She goes threw my dryer pulling one sock out

One just to put me out of my misery
I better aim that sucker true
I’ll leave a note that says I’m sorry but I went off the deep end when I fell for you
I went off the deep end when I fell for you

One each for my immediate family, they’ll be so disappointed to see what I done
One left over, I’ll save it for my roommate
After all it’s my roommate’s gun
After all it’s my roommate’s gun

My roommate’s gun got nine bullets in it Nine bullets in my roommate’s gun
Roommate’s gun got nine bullets in it
Gonna find a use for every last one Gonna find a use for every last one
Gonna find a use for every last one

They powered up the city with hydro-electric juice.
Now we got more electricity than we canever use.
They flooded out the hollow and all the folks down there moved out,
but they got paid so there ain’t nothin’ else to think about.

Some of them made their living cutting the timber down,
snaking it one log at a time up the hill and into town.
T.V.A. had a way to clear it off real fast.
Lots of men and machinary, build a dam and drown the rest.

Uncle Frank lived in a cabin down on Cedar Creek,
bought fifteen acres when he got back home from overseas.
Fifteen rocky acres, figured noone else would want,
'till all that backed up water had to have some place to go.

Uncle Frank couldn’t read or write
Never held down a job, or needed one in his life.
They assured him there’d be work for him in town building cars.
It’s already going down.

The cars never came to town and the roads never got built
and the price of all that power kept on going straight uphill
The banks around the hollow sold for lake-front property
where Doctors, Lawyers, and Musicians teach their kids to waterski.

Uncle Frank couldn’t read or write
so there was no note or letter found when he died.
Just a rope around his neck and the kitchen table turned on it’s side

Stacy was a troubled teen ever since she was twelve. She felt the world close
in on her and thought she needed help. Listening to the radio on a Sunday
night. She heard the preacher calling out to call up on his Help-line. He
sounded so nice, he sounded so inviting, and for a small donation she could
have the Lord Almighty. She told him her story. He told her his thoughts. He
said you better get yourself right in the eyes of God. Too much sex, too
little Jesus.

Satan's made a slave of you, the Lord will set you free! You don't know God from diddly
and you're old enough to breed. The sins of me and you are the reason he did bleed.
Now a word from our sponsor then another troubled teen with...
Too much sex, too little Jesus.

Stop that dope smoking, stop that masturbation! Take the Lord into your heart and stop
that fornication. We're building us an army, gonna knock out Satan. Visa or Mastercard,
our operaters are waiting!
Too much sex, too little Jesus.
Too much sex, too little Jesus.
Too much sex, too little Jesus

Gran Gran keeps a box of spiders.
She says they're on me when I sleep.
Waiting in the out-house for me.
underneath the seat.

My great-grandmothers bout ninety-seven
and she is sure when she gets to heaven,
old St. Peter's gonna throw his arms around her and say
'I've waited so long for us to meet'.
She put the General in a box
and buried him behind the Stoney Point Church of Christ,
when I was three.

(and she says) "When the lord comes to take me,
I'll die with a smile on, cause He's taking all my pains and fears."
She said The Generals last words were
"It's hotter than hell in here".

Gran Gran keeps a box of spiders,
or so she told me as a child,
and I would hold it in for hours.
Too mean to die. Too mean to die. Too mean

If I had a dime for every time I heard my old man say
one of these days
I wouldn’t be like my old man today
talking bout places that he’d been
back in his younger days that he was gonna go back to again
one of these days

Dropped out of school when he was just sixteen
fell right in to a tire plant
building the very things that make the asphalt sing
and put Alabama far behind you

I remember him saying that Chicago was a hell right here on earth
and twenty five years later I was saying the same thing about Memphis

It’s no wonder everybodies scared of downtown Birmingham
it’s just a little too close to home
But there’s more crooks down here and the cops don’t care,
while old white men wearing ties can do anything they want.

Once a country boy’s seen the way the steam rises
off a man’s insides on the sidewalk
Tends to change the way he thinks, the way he sees everything
and he goes back to where he came from

One of these days when my face looks like a roadmap gonna find my way back home.
And i’ll go walking on the west side after dark and leave my gun locked in my car.
One of these days you’ll take one look at me and run. One of these days you’ll take
one look at me and run

I don't want to go to dinner with Margo and Harold.
I don't like the way he looks at you, and the way she looks at me,
way they look at each other, like we're just part of some private joke.

I don't want to go dinner with Margo and Harold,
no matter how good the food.
I don't want to make small talk, innuendo,
or go for a ride in Harold's Corvette.

I'm scared of the basement of Harold's Pawn Shop,
I've heard tales of what goes down there.
Mid-life crises, high on Dilauded, Valium, and crystal meth.
Harold and Margo, feeling no pain
Fifty and crazy, big hair and cocaine.

If they call on the phone, tell them I'm not home.
That night with Margo was a long time ago.
It makes me nervous how much Harold knows,
and the way that he looks at you.

I don't want to see why Harold's now skinny.
I don't want to see Margo's bikini.
So if they call, tell them you ain't seen me or that I'm in too much pain.
Harold and Margo, taking aim.
Horny and loaded, big-hair and cocaine

Sometimes I'm lower than the company I keep

(NEWS FLASH!!!) (scene: the press corps have descended upon the White House, a spokesperson begins to speak:)

“They looked in the White House and Capitol Hill
They looked everywhere for Buffalo Bill
We called every scholar, reporter, and genius
Has anyone seen the President’s penis?”

“It ain’t in the Congress or Judiciary
It ain’t in the Smithsonian or that big ole library
an astronomer claims it was sighted on Venus
Has anyone seen the President’s penis?”

(now the entire press corp. erupts in song:)
“THE PRESIDENT’S PENIS IS MISSING OLE’!!!
WE SEARCHED HIGH AND LOW, EVERY NIGHT EVERYDAY
LORD, WON’T YOU COME DOWN AND REDEEM US
HAS ANYONE SEEN THE PRESIDENT’S PENIS?”

(at this point, legendary news man Walter Cronkite returns from the moon to add his commentary:)
“Now Presidents have goofed up in all kinds of ways
in the 80’s we elected one missing his brain
LyricsGeorge Washington caught a cold he couldn’t explain
and we all know the truth about Thomas Jefferson’s name”

(suddenly William Randolph Hurst rises from the grave and bellows out in an Orson Welles type voice:)
“Franklin D. Roosevelt wasn’t no square
with that raging Woodrow in his wheelchair
and all the lesbians snickered that Elenor didn’t care
and John Kennedy’s penis was seen everywhere”

(once again everyone breaks out in gleeful song:)
“THE PRESIDENT’S PENIS IS MISSING OLE’!!!
WE SEARCHED HIGH AND LOW EVERY NIGHT EVERY DAY
LORD WON’T YOU COME DOWN AND REDEEM US
HAS ANYONE SEEN THE PRESIDENT’S PENIS?”

(the scene shifts to Sen. John Glenn, wandering pensively, somewhere in space:)
“Them outer space people would laugh if they’d seen us
all this talk about cum-stains and oral coitus
meanwhile the whole world suffers from hunger and meanness
but we’re more concerned with the President’s penis”

THE END?

Me and my brother's old lady went out and got stinking,
she solved her curiosities about me by the railroad tracks.
She said I reminded her of him before he started drinking
and banging the babysitter every time she turned her back. I

We opened up the sunroof and smoked a big ole joint
and drank a case of Pabst Blue Ribbon listening to the crickets and trains.
Every so often she'd lapse into narcotic rambling.
Moon and mascara. I've always been a holy terror.
Temptations lurking every where. If your mind's in the gutter, Beware!
You'll find me there.

Me and a friend were talking after the funeral.
She said it should have been me but I'm still around and I been so wild,
I'm surprised I made it to the seventh grade, and all my dead friends have settled down.
My eyes were puffy and she asked if I'd been crying.
I said 'tears are for pussies' but who was I kidding.
So we stopped at the bar and drank them dry. Beer and tequila.
I've always been a thrill seeker. But thrills are a dime a dozen these days.
And I found a dime in the gutter today. Tails facing up. Still fucking up. Still fucking up.

A funny thing happened on my way to a strange way of thinking

Coming home with a bottle, trying not to break the seal.
This Friday evening traffic's about enough to break a man's will.
And I can't wait to see you and see how your week has gone,
and tear into Old No.7 and make love till dawn.
But your Mama she'll be calling, if she ain't knocking on the door.
And it won't take me long to remember what I brought that bottle home for.
And we'll all get to fighting, just like we always do.
And by Saturday morning, I'll be singing these blues.

Last night I slept with my boots on again,
one cut on my forehead and one my chin,
on the hard old floor with nothin to cover up with.
You got me real good, girl, and I must admit,
you pack purty mean punch for such a pretty little dish.
And it's a shame to know most folks don't ever know love like this.

Come Monday morning, I'll be sore to a fare-thee-well.
Cussin' God and America, wishing them both just to send me off to hell.
But the boss man don't want no excuses when it comes time to get on the clock.
And without that paycheck, I'd lose the rest of what sweet love I got.

Last night I slept with my boots on again,
one cut on my forehead and one my chin,
on the hard old floor with nothin to cover up with.
You got me real good, girl, and I must admit,
you pack purty mean punch for such a pretty little dish.
And it's a shame to know most folks don't ever know love like this

Jupiter mules kickin' out all the stops
Newfangled dogs danglin' stars from her eyelids
She can't read between the lies anymore
Lord, help her rise just one more time if you can.
Still, the children read to her
till she opens up her hands

When my body dies will you remember my name?
When my body dies will you remember my name?

Oh, Mrs. Dubose you were such a flower
now you're all dead inside withered and insane
Oh, Mrs. Dubose you were such a flower, you got the death,
the dust, and the opium runnin' through your veins
Black maid stays cause she's paid to be around
Condemned and scared for all she knows
You better look at the road when you pass
she gonna fix you with that evil eye
unless your hotdin' your old man's hand
you better pass on by better pass on by

All my family problems disappeared overnight...

We were bored, there was nothing going on.
Might as well stay at home and drink until we pass out again.
Then drink some more when the morning comes.
Memphis was sinking into the Mississippi.
We were doing our best just to ride it down.
Till the night G.G. Allin came to town.

"Honey, I dont believe this,"
the old man at Ferguson's Cafe kept saying to his wife.
As he read aloud The Memphis Star and their account of what went down that night
"It says He took a shit on the stage and started throwing it into the crowd.
But He was gone before the cops could come and shut him down."
Gone before the shit came down.

The Night G.G. Allin Came to Town.
The Night G.C. Allin Came to Town.
Antenna Club, Memphis, 1991.
Punk Rockers Paid $12.00 to be Shit On!
The Night G.G. Allin Came to Town

"It says He took the microphone and shoved it up his ass!"
The old man and his wife were aghast
The Night G.G. Allin Came to Town.
The Night G.G. Allin Came to Town