Blue October Album

Learning to love life by living through loss and mistakes,
lessons learned and gradually surfacing, letting go, striping
naked to scream. I am not perfect nor do I strive to be. I am
alive in this world of face first falls and public breakdowns. I
am retarded disfigured clown dying to be heard for the simple
art of letting this heavy wall finally fall. I am an equal being
of no race or colour, a hallucination if you will sneaking into
the lives of strangers and letting them fall apart to a new
rhythm just to feel better

I feel that it's hard enough to say good-bye.
I feel there's the water. Should I sink or dive?
An empty plate, fill up my sentimental morning star.
I steal the art of putting truth in a lie.
I still want the girl that really caught my eye.
But, she lives in Oklahoma City, far away from me.
An empty hope chest.
Quit the dope quest,
And remain independently happy

I'm finally happy...happy... independently happy...

I deal with the fact that I've forgotten the worst.
I feel that my social behavior may seem somewhat unrehearsed.
Another page,
A sullen rage,
And I'll be back to my normal self.

And I'm finally happy...happy... independently happy...

I drive to the edge of my considerate plain.
I apologize to the people I hurt on the way.
I wipe the slate clean
I kick the daydream,
And remain independently happy.

I'm finally happy...happy... independently happy...

Kneel down
Close your eyes
Hit the ground
I want you to, to kneel all day
Alone in this desolate cave
So I said
Scream if you want to
Cause no one is around
I want you to
To scream all day
Cause there's eleven words that I've rehearsed to say

And I say
How I love to hate you! [repeat]

You're
not so brave
When I'm the snake
And you're my prey
Let me tell you I'll eat all day
Alone in this desolate cave
So I say
Squeal if you want to
Cause no
no one is around
I want you to
To squeal all day
Cause there's eleven words that I've rehearsed to say

And I say
How I love to hate you! [repeat]
James, how I love to hate you
Oh, how I love
How I love to hate you...

Committed at twenty two
Just to get over you
My belly aches blue
Lorazepam flu
I'm down for the count
Always three times a day
Sometimes four
A bee stings right through the arm
The high swing I ride upon
My eyes can't quite focus on
The nurse with my Lucky Charms
Well a two step was just a laugh
Our boundaries were broke in half
It's a good thing to know
As you walk into group for the show

knock-knock on the window pane
My smoke break, the hour rang
My quiet roommate sleeps the same
Woke up when dinner came
The man's no more than forty old
Arrived scared two days ago
A family of earth and gold
But still nottheless alone
I learned quick. Knew what to say
Then three angels walked my way
In Spanish tongue they knelt to pray
And said "God keep him safe
From screaming voices"
They became my family
Outstretched their hands are on my head
You know, I can feel them breathing
They actually knelt down and prayed for me
They actually knelt down and prayed for me

Don't you dare put me on H.R.S.A
Does self abuse extend your hospital stay?
I think I'll lie a bit
Lord I won't cry over anything
Over anything at all
I won't cry over anything at all

White kitchen walls
With a thousand windows
You turn on Winston
In the den
And I'm still asleep
But I can hear the piano
When you make
Breakfast after 10
And I smell the coffee
On your fingers
I still smell
The perfume in the bed
Crushed linen roses
On everything
And your still
Inside my head, oh
You gotta make her
Know how it feels
To miss you
Let her know
You're swapping sides
You're not the one
With all the problems
Oh, know
You're the one
With all the pride
So just
Pick your head up, boys
And walk away
Walk the coolest
Walk that you know
Cause in a month or two
She'll call you
You gotta
Hang up the phone
And I hope she knows
I got this memory, thing
That won't ever
Seem to break or bend
A thick lock
And sheet rock
Is on my windows
In the kitchen
I don't think
I'll ever take em'
Down again
And I've learned a lot
From all these break ups
And make ups and
Fuck ups and fake outs
Things that I wish
You could comprehend
Yeah, comprehend
But for now
I'll lace up
My wing tip shoes, boys, and
I'll go have breakfast
With my good friends
Yeah, yeah, yeah
You gotta make em'
Know how it feels
To miss you
Let em' know
You're swapping sides
You're not the one
With all the problems
You're not the one
With all the problems
You're the one
With all the pride
Oh, here we go
You gotta make her
Know how it feels
To miss you
Let her know
You're swapping spit
You're not the one
With all the problems
You're not the one
With all the problems
She's the one
That's full of shit
So just
Pick your head up, boy
And walk away
Walk the coolest
Walk that you know
I know you know
That in a month or two
She'll call you
You gotta
Hang up the phone

I haven't been quite the same
So sure the story of my life would never change
In a bright eyed way
Rinsed out the soap in my eyes and wrote a song that I'm about to sing
It's about a girl
That I hardly even know
It's not another love song
Just a list of things that I should know
every man should know that...

[Chorus]
One: You've got to take it kind of slowly
Two: You've got to hurry up and make your move
Three: You've got to tell her that she's pretty
Four: You've got to be the perfect gentelman
When you shake the walls, you've got to make 'em bend
Yeah you're got to show her thats she's pretty
She's so pretty
You're the balance beam
And I keep falling all around this fairy tale.

We took a walk in the rain
My suggestion, she requested
The park nearby to cast the shade
Stay cool but I'm giddy like a school boy
You've got to handle with care this is not a toy
Gradually we touched
Though our clothes were wet
We sat and smiled
I never thought I'd smile so much
The first kiss always says the most

[Repeat Chorus]
Every man should know that
[Repeat Chorus]

OO this fairy tale OO this fairy tale
Some kind of fairy tale. Some kind of fairy tale.

Evey man should know that.

When you holler baby
When you holler at me
What you want me to be
When you holler baby
When you holler at me
What you want me to

I won't be strong and I won't brave
I never stay
Because you don't treat me the right way
I won't be apart of this drawn out game
I never stay
Because you don't treat me the right way

You're holding my back against the sunshine
You might not think its over
But it's over for me
I need your reflection like a thin line
You might not think its over
But it's over for

I won't be strong and I won't brave
I never stay
Because you don't treat me the right way
I won't be apart of this drawn out game
I never stay
Because you don't treat me the right way

You don't treat me the right way

I won't be strong and I won't brave
I never stay
Because you don't treat me the right way
I won't be apart of this drawn out game
I never stay
Because you don't treat me the right way

You don't treat me the right way

A silver plated numbing gum
And Jesus resting on my thumb
A hard to reach malaria
I've got the mood that seems to scare ya.
I'm paranoid, self destroyed.
Believe me lord I'm sorry
I've got the mood that seems to bury ya
I've got the nightmare called...
Schizophrenia

[Chorus]
I cry. I cry and I don't know why.
The fever becomes my home.
I cry. I cry and I don't know why.
The fever becomes my home.
Becomes my home.

I love it when you're holding me.
You have a gentle way of calming.
I haven't felt that way since 1993,
When my mother held me.
I bet you're waiting for a long sob story
OF how I was mistreated again.
No, I wasn't built that way.
I was strong but desperately brave,
And I didn't mean to scareya...
Schizophrenia.

[Repeat Chorus]

I touch the tongue to see
A devil's face in front of me
You blow your nose and cry
The clown demands a sad good-bye
A sad good-bye.

Black below the tree
White horses dead in front of me
A scar below the cheek
There's a sweaty man in a bloody sink.

[Chorus]
It's just a trip not a way to ease your pain
Self help...Tell another shrink the same thing
Stay cool, everything is going to be okay
Until you decide to drop again
Until you decide to drop again

A blue jean girl to be
Sweaty man is behind the trees

The flip side of sanity is the game
Fourteen million miles away from sane
A dark man in the restroom window pane
Whose words just pour out human pain.

[Repeat Chorus]

Now I'm so high, so high.

You must be broken
By a thousand ways of wasting time
Get to the point
And off a hundred lines a week
No need to change my mind
A cleaner shade of thinking time
But I seem to act more than I act upon most things.

[Chorus]
Do you ever wonder
How hard you hit?
You broke my thunder
Do you ever wonder
How hard you hit?
You broke my thunder

God made this night for me, a silly devil in my talking
Romantic company for walking. Over and out...Over and out...
This year is the year I want to be, that silly devil in me talking
Romantic company for walking. Over and out...Over and out...

[Repeat Chorus]

I'm cramped and crawling from under the dead
I'm sick of living without you in bed
I've made mistakes that I wrote... That I read...
But now I just can't seem to be preoccupied
The heart was tossed with a black lace chain
With these hands that I write with
And the ode that I live by...
I will never be with you.

A scar was sewn
A drop of blood was saved for making wine
Still no repent
On how you crumble when I shake
A mental jaw was used
To pry me from this wrecking bond
The sad detail is all the promises I make.

[Repeat Chorus]

I'm wishing the bath water clean
She hides in the back and is unseen
I take off the mask that surrounds me
Look me in the face
What do you see
I feel like a boy the age of 13
My body grows up
But my mind stays the same
Look me in the face
What do you see?

How do you tell an angel
That you don't believe in God?
Why do I feel
Like such a stranger
I look around
I look around
And all my friends are gone

But oh would you be me?
Because I would be you
Oh you'd be happy
Only if you wanted to
And how would you treat me?
Because I would treat you
Oh you'd be happy
Only if you wanted to

How do you tell your Father,
That you want him to notice you?
Why does this seem like such a bother?
When mom says you'd be better off dead
But I want to see you
I still want to see you
Oh would you call me?
Oh it's not hard too
I'm the first one
On your birthday
And oh would you write me
On my birthday
Graduation, was yesterday
Yesterday
Oh...

How do you hold the special victim?
When they push you away
When they've been
Raped on the inside
Torn on the outside
The dirt and ugly from the stain that they try to hide
Touched in private places
Embarassed faces
To scared to ask for help

Oh would you be me?
Because I would be you
Oh you'd be happy
Only if you wanted to
And how would you treat me?
Because I would treat you
You'd be happy
Only if you wanted to

I'm wishing the bath water clean
She hides in the back and is unseen
I take off the mask that surrounds me
Look me in the face
What do you see?

Innertube sunset
With a kiss and a cigarette
You're better than any midnight sex
I can't stop cause if feels too good
I won't stop but I know I should
Believe me I'm not always on a serious side.

[Chorus]
Cause I can make you laugh, if he makes you scream
If he breaks you, tell me everything
Cause here we are alone again
Libby I'm listening
Cause I can make you laugh, if he makes you scream
If he breaks you, tell me everything
Cause here we are alone again
Libby I'm listening

It's hard to fill the empty space
When they're your prayers
Your love, your fucking grace
Closed eyed sleeping face to face
Sweet girl with such a tender taste

[Repeat Chorus]

Libby, I just want to, listen to you...please!

[Repeat Chorus]

Libby I'm...Libby I'm listening to you.
Libby Un...Libby unwind.
Libby I'm...Libby I'm listening to you.
Libby Un...Libby Unwind.

Trampoline
I'm your
Trampoline
Oh you jump so hard but I always catch your fall
So now I'll just
Hide away (you know I think I will)
Hide away
Oh, I run so fast but I always lose them all

I wish I could go to sleep and wake up with amnesia
And try to forget the things I've done
I wish I knew how to keep the promises I made you
But life i guess it goes on
Yeah I know it goes on
You see I've learned it goes on

But then I'll hang us on the wall
And I'll crawl in the open side
And I'm blind to it all
So why don't you
Crawl in my open side and become blind to it all

You know I think it's time to pray
For the contortion, my abortion
That I somehow shoved away
I think it's right for me (yeah I think it's right for me)
When I was young I was stung
And somehow lost God's faith

I wish I could go to sleep and wake up with amnesia
And try to forget the things I've done
I wish I knew how to keep these promises I made
But I guess life goes on
Yeah I know it goes on
You see I've learned it goes on

Way back when I must have sinned
I break down profound, beginning, end
Head trip re-grip what doesn't mend
But I'm wishing this amnesia would kick in [repeat 2x]

If I can't crawl inside of you,
I'm laughing with a broken face
I stumble across my self esteem.
But to picture the pleasure is making me want my space.
Understand...
That God wrapped you like a bow.
But in my head...
There's some shelves that need cleaning,
From basement to ceiling, control.
If what you're seeing is an open book,
Thats great 'cuz I'm an open book.
But I'm real shy.
There's a part of me seeking and desperately needing
To open up.
That's strange 'cuz I'm an open book,
A confused boy.
I'm an automatic steeple for depressed and lonely people.
My heart while in its cage, is used to give and not
Receive a thing,
But the only funny thing is that I don't know how to give myself advice.
I've got this post dramatic thing
I've got this tattoo of a ring that lies
Around my wedding finger and that's where I want to state this claim.
That I've got to learn to live and dream
Before I go and get myself in love.
In love.
There's Zoloft, Welbutrin, there's Paxil that's proven,
No side effects.
But the rest left unnamed 'cuz they worked like a charm on me.
But when your savings is drying,
You can't stop from crying
You've got to suck it up.
You're not her buttercup,
You're not her favorite book.