Blue October Album

Learning to love life by living through loss and mistakes,
lessons learned and gradually surfacing, letting go, striping
naked to scream. I am not perfect nor do I strive to be. I am
alive in this world of face first falls and public breakdowns. I
am retarded disfigured clown dying to be heard for the simple
art of letting this heavy wall finally fall. I am an equal being
of no race or colour, a hallucination if you will sneaking into
the lives of strangers and letting them fall apart to a new
rhythm just to feel better

Trampoline
I'm your
Trampoline
Oh you jump so hard but I always catch your fall
So now I'll just
Hide away (you know I think I will)
Hide away
Oh, I run so fast but I always lose them all

I wish I could go to sleep and wake up with amnesia
And try to forget the things I've done
I wish I knew how to keep the promises I made you
But life i guess it goes on
Yeah I know it goes on
You see I've learned it goes on

But then I'll hang us on the wall
And I'll crawl in the open side
And I'm blind to it all
So why don't you
Crawl in my open side and become blind to it all

You know I think it's time to pray
For the contortion, my abortion
That I somehow shoved away
I think it's right for me (yeah I think it's right for me)
When I was young I was stung
And somehow lost God's faith

I wish I could go to sleep and wake up with amnesia
And try to forget the things I've done
I wish I knew how to keep these promises I made
But I guess life goes on
Yeah I know it goes on
You see I've learned it goes on

Way back when I must have sinned
I break down profound, beginning, end
Head trip re-grip what doesn't mend
But I'm wishing this amnesia would kick in [repeat 2x]

I feel that it's hard enough to say good-bye.
I feel there's the water. Should I sink or dive?
An empty plate, fill up my sentimental morning star.
I steal the art of putting truth in a lie.
I still want the girl that really caught my eye.
But, she lives in Oklahoma City, far away from me.
An empty hope chest.
Quit the dope quest,
And remain independently happy

I'm finally happy...happy... independently happy...

I deal with the fact that I've forgotten the worst.
I feel that my social behavior may seem somewhat unrehearsed.
Another page,
A sullen rage,
And I'll be back to my normal self.

And I'm finally happy...happy... independently happy...

I drive to the edge of my considerate plain.
I apologize to the people I hurt on the way.
I wipe the slate clean
I kick the daydream,
And remain independently happy.

I'm finally happy...happy... independently happy...

Committed at twenty two
Just to get over you
My belly aches blue
Lorazepam flu
I'm down for the count
Always three times a day
Sometimes four
A bee stings right through the arm
The high swing I ride upon
My eyes can't quite focus on
The nurse with my Lucky Charms
Well a two step was just a laugh
Our boundaries were broke in half
It's a good thing to know
As you walk into group for the show

knock-knock on the window pane
My smoke break, the hour rang
My quiet roommate sleeps the same
Woke up when dinner came
The man's no more than forty old
Arrived scared two days ago
A family of earth and gold
But still nottheless alone
I learned quick. Knew what to say
Then three angels walked my way
In Spanish tongue they knelt to pray
And said "God keep him safe
From screaming voices"
They became my family
Outstretched their hands are on my head
You know, I can feel them breathing
They actually knelt down and prayed for me
They actually knelt down and prayed for me

Don't you dare put me on H.R.S.A
Does self abuse extend your hospital stay?
I think I'll lie a bit
Lord I won't cry over anything
Over anything at all
I won't cry over anything at all

I touch the tongue to see
A devil's face in front of me
You blow your nose and cry
The clown demands a sad good-bye
A sad good-bye.

Black below the tree
White horses dead in front of me
A scar below the cheek
There's a sweaty man in a bloody sink.

[Chorus]
It's just a trip not a way to ease your pain
Self help...Tell another shrink the same thing
Stay cool, everything is going to be okay
Until you decide to drop again
Until you decide to drop again

A blue jean girl to be
Sweaty man is behind the trees

The flip side of sanity is the game
Fourteen million miles away from sane
A dark man in the restroom window pane
Whose words just pour out human pain.

[Repeat Chorus]

Now I'm so high, so high.

I'm sorry for the way I treated you
I'm stuck in my ways to just run
In the opposite way when things get comfortable
I'll keep on licking till your flavor is gone

[Chorus]
It's getting more impossible
To keep a straight face
And be trusted with
I love you

Don't trust my words when I'm in the bed with you
I'll bring the message, but the message gets lost
Yeah you opened your legs and maybe
I promised you
You didin't notice that my ankles were crossed

[Chorus]

Can you show me how to treat someone?
I don't recall ever learning how
Because I keep fucking up
I keep fucking up

By the way
By your side I'll stay
If that's okay
Then by your side I'll stay forever
Here I am standing up
Because I want to fall in love with you

A sunless day
It was a clumsy card house rape
If that's okay
Then by your side I'll stay forever

Here I am standing up
To say I want to fall in love with you
Forever
Here I am standing up
To say that I want to fall in love

All our kids will play
A sunless day
The rain will come
The rain always brings our hero
All our kids will play
A sunless day
The rain will come
The rain always brings our here

Believe in heroes

I see your heart beat through the bedsheet
I feel your pulse against the floor
I sleep the sadness that no one else sleeps
Feel me cunningly adore.

As the tic tock clock lies Goldilocks
What a sick enchanted view
Of the white blot sin that we all began
Not the girl that I once knew.

Blue Sunshine
Ive got no vacancies
At the top of the clock was Jesus spying on me
I spoke of friends
Point me which direction
I tried a bribe of when I die but swore he never
Mentioned.

I kicked and screamed,
"Its simple, you must sing
The day I take you, youll be sleeping
You wont feel a thing."

I haven't been quite the same
So sure the story of my life would never change
In a bright eyed way
Rinsed out the soap in my eyes and wrote a song that I'm about to sing
It's about a girl
That I hardly even know
It's not another love song
Just a list of things that I should know
every man should know that...

[Chorus]
One: You've got to take it kind of slowly
Two: You've got to hurry up and make your move
Three: You've got to tell her that she's pretty
Four: You've got to be the perfect gentelman
When you shake the walls, you've got to make 'em bend
Yeah you're got to show her thats she's pretty
She's so pretty
You're the balance beam
And I keep falling all around this fairy tale.

We took a walk in the rain
My suggestion, she requested
The park nearby to cast the shade
Stay cool but I'm giddy like a school boy
You've got to handle with care this is not a toy
Gradually we touched
Though our clothes were wet
We sat and smiled
I never thought I'd smile so much
The first kiss always says the most

[Repeat Chorus]
Every man should know that
[Repeat Chorus]

OO this fairy tale OO this fairy tale
Some kind of fairy tale. Some kind of fairy tale.

Evey man should know that.

A slow strangle with feet on the floor
I've got 14 angels and we're sleeping alone
In the back of a cave, where the rest of us go
To feel normal

I call baby up. Leave me alone.
I'm in pain but I won't let you band-aid the wound
I'm mad at a stage where I can't even handle my own

Give me a quiet mind and I...
I love you
You give me a quiet mind and I...
I love you
Until the end

Give me strength to be kind... To combine
All the good things in life that were so hard to find
But I have and I won't let them go like I do with my friends

Still bearing voices... From front... From behind
They're the reasons I choose... When to live... How to die
When to cast... When to reel
When to buy... When to steal
When to fiend for the friends that taught me
Being inappropriate will

Give me a quiet mind and I...
I love you
You give me a quiet mind and I...
I love you
Till the end

I'm like a storm cloud eager when you go out
Calm again
I'll ask permission for the wrong to win
Drop the bomb and get your story out and get it on
In a haze the beginning of your days
Gonna fall down
Got to get back up but at your own pace
Got to fill your cup and find the way
Out of your own maze
Yeah boy what you said now

And hide the rule book throw it in the waste
Look strong
Like you belong cause you do belong
Whether right or wrong you belong

I'm on your side if you fail atleat you tried
To keep your aching celebrating wonder making heart alive
Yeah and pride don't keep it all inside
Don't keep your aching celebrating wonder making heart alone
Write you own song

Whatever happened to our inner glow
Whatever happened to the song the soul the me I used to know
Whatever happened to my radio
Whatever happened to my song
It is my song

So here's a preview shove it under old-new
Or call it rock or pop or bach or fuck
Goddamn where did we go wrong
Now there's a catergory for every song

Yeah we only want to sing when we want to
Yeah we only want a dream we can flaunt to
Yeah we only want to fly by the side making love to the rhythm be a jeckyl and a
hyde
Yeah we only want a field we can run through
Yeah we only want a beat we can drum to
Yeah we only want to fly by the side making love to the rhythm be a jeckyl and a
hyde

So stride if you fail atleast you tried
To keep your aching celebrating wonder making heart alive
And pride don't keep it all inside
Don't keep your aching celebrating wonder making heart alone
Write your own song

Whatever happened to our inner glow
Whatever happened to the song the soul the me I used to know
Whatever happened to my radio
Whatever happened to the song

Gonna wake up strong ya we're all gonna wake up strong...

I must have sneezed
On knees I freeze
I mean I just choked up
Somehow I slept
I dream, I mean
I dreamt of nothing
Able to breathe
A sweet relief
Now that you're here with me
A northern degree
Dove into me
Now I'm recovering

[Chorus]
I only want you to see
My favorite part of me
And not my ugly side
Not my ugly side

Hook up a C.B. Wave a way
For conversation flow
I'm shoved in your cave, to wage this rage
Don't let me go
A kick and a scream is all that seems
To mean a lot thus far
I won't let you on my stage, my page
You can't know
Yet you have to know

[Chorus]

So calm... and now it's dark
I look for you to light my heart
I'm in between the moon and where you are
I know... I can't be far

Have you ever been so lonely,
No one there to hold?
Pull me in or disown me,
And then climb inside.
My arms are open wide.
Have a look inside.

It is not that I am scared to learn,
Why I'm empty inside.
Hold my hand or show some concern,
If I live or die.
My eyes are open wide.
Help me look inside.

I hear the water drip from the faucet.
It's sweetly falling in tune.
I'm gently closing the closet.
I fall to the floor,
And crawl to my room.
The thought of ending it soon...
Just let me sleep in my room.

Hear me cry! cry! cry!
I hear a knock at the front door.
Don't come in!
I try to look at you
But I can't stop shaking.
Leave me alone. Just go away.
Mother I'm so scared.

Empty bed and all of the sheets are gone,
They're wrapped around me and you.
All is quiet but the drop of a gun.
I want to belong...to someone...
But maybe life's not for everyone.

You're simply saying everything if you will
Take a pen and write my name on a friend
Who never cared to let me in
And take a vast revine that for
Three years swimmin' straight upstream
And the wind...the wind won't drag me down the end
You live inside my wall and I
I reach back, hit you harder than God falls
Christ, Amen, Amen, Amen
You're such a line to break and I
I'm so scared to make another mistake in the end
But I just wanna be happy again
Until it all falls down
And where does that leave me?
Well, things, things, I've got so many things to say
And with a broken heart, and a straight face
I'm s
Ayin' Brother, help me
It's just a natural phase that I
I go through and then it's taken away
And then BAM! BAM! I'm fixed
Yeah, and I'm in another place to be where I
I can't sleep without the thought of me being so
So damned sick
Take this song, take this song away
Until it all falls down
And where does that leave me?
Well, things, things, I've got so many things to say
And with a broken heart and a straight face
And he says Reach for the girl
Reach for the girl and hold her close
Believe you can shine when you're silver
And I promise you gold; I promise you gold
And whenever you're dark inside
Don't let go; no, don't let go
Remember there's rain and there's candy and Christmasy winter snow
And remember I love you the same
And I'll strangle your pain
And he tells me to sing
So I sing, so I sing
For my brother who keeps me safe
And tells me everything will be OK.

White kitchen walls
With a thousand windows
You turn on Winston
In the den
And I'm still asleep
But I can hear the piano
When you make
Breakfast after 10
And I smell the coffee
On your fingers
I still smell
The perfume in the bed
Crushed linen roses
On everything
And your still
Inside my head, oh
You gotta make her
Know how it feels
To miss you
Let her know
You're swapping sides
You're not the one
With all the problems
Oh, know
You're the one
With all the pride
So just
Pick your head up, boys
And walk away
Walk the coolest
Walk that you know
Cause in a month or two
She'll call you
You gotta
Hang up the phone
And I hope she knows
I got this memory, thing
That won't ever
Seem to break or bend
A thick lock
And sheet rock
Is on my windows
In the kitchen
I don't think
I'll ever take em'
Down again
And I've learned a lot
From all these break ups
And make ups and
Fuck ups and fake outs
Things that I wish
You could comprehend
Yeah, comprehend
But for now
I'll lace up
My wing tip shoes, boys, and
I'll go have breakfast
With my good friends
Yeah, yeah, yeah
You gotta make em'
Know how it feels
To miss you
Let em' know
You're swapping sides
You're not the one
With all the problems
You're not the one
With all the problems
You're the one
With all the pride
Oh, here we go
You gotta make her
Know how it feels
To miss you
Let her know
You're swapping spit
You're not the one
With all the problems
You're not the one
With all the problems
She's the one
That's full of shit
So just
Pick your head up, boy
And walk away
Walk the coolest
Walk that you know
I know you know
That in a month or two
She'll call you
You gotta
Hang up the phone

There's something I can't quite explain
I'm so in love with you
You'll never take that away
And if I've said it a hundred times before
Expect a thousand more
You'll never take that away

So expect me to be
Calling you to see
If you're okay when I'm not around
Asking "if you love me"
I love the way you make it sound
Calling you to see
Do I try too hard to make you smile?
To make us smile

[Chorus]
I will keep calling you to see
If you're sleeping, are you dreaming
If you're dreaming, are you dreaming of me
I can't believe you actually picked me

I thought that the world had lost it's sway
It's so hard sometimes
Then I fell in love with you
Then came you
And you took that away
It's not so difficult
The world is not so difficult
You take away the old
Show me the new
And I feel like I can fly when I stand next to you
So while I'm on this phone
A hundred miles from home
I'll take the words you gave me and send them back to you

I only want to see
If you're okay when I'm not around
Asking "if you love me"
I love the way you make it sound
Calling you to see
Do I try too hard to make you smile?
To make us smile

[Chorus]

I ended the book I'm writing
The part about you I'm tearing it out
A simple goodnight stop fighting
There's nothing left to even read about
I'm leaving you here my darling
To search for a better and easy way out
Through all of the pain that I'm causing
There's nothing there to even sing about

But it goes ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba
Ba ba ba
Rapha rapha ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba
Ba ba ba
Yeah

Record this Italian radio
I changed up the words to make you happy though
If run of the midnight music show
I beat up, I beat up the boy that made you happy though
Don't touch the things that you want me to be
They out-weigh the ones that make me happy
So pull out your hands and meet my my fine new lady
She's rock and roll and she'll save me
It goes
Ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba
Ba ba ba
Rapha rapha ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba
Ba ba ba
Hey

So you dropped me
Held me by my feet and let me go
I fell between the seat, but nothing broke
I've yet to feel that brilliant afterglow
The one I knew of years ago
Now I'm twisted
Twisted from the waist and spun around
Promised only sky but given ground
Realized the makeup is for a clown
The clown I knew of months ago

[Chorus]
I only wanted to be somebody
So fucking bad, I came unglued
I only wanted to be somebody
So here we are now, face to face
And I'm fucking you

So you caught me!
Wishing I were better than the rest
You hit me and left bruises on my chest
And when I wouldn't cheat
I spit upon your test
The test I tore up weeks ago
And now my fist is
My fist is for your face to cock the jaw
When I begin to rise, you start to fall
Now you know how it feels to drop the ball
The ball I threw back days ago

[Chorus]

So I'll just stand right here for now
I should have won, but how?
I break a smart ass grin
Who let the loser win?
Let's break a smart ass grin
Let's let the losers win!

In the day by day collision
Called the art of growing up
There's an innocence we look for in the stars
To be taken back to younger days
When there was no giving up
On the people we held closest to our hearts

Yeah it is you that I remember in that glowing
It is you that took my first away from me
It is you I set my standards to... to every walk of life
I haven't met another you since you were with me.

[Chorus]
A brief bout with a razorblade cut me
I freaked out, thinking people didn't love me
I watched closely as the you I knew forgot me
In letting go, I am so proud of what I've done

In a way, I failed religion
I spit the wine from mouth to cup
And I reached for something more than just your God
Uncle, you spared not your children
And while your praying hands are up
There's no forgiveness for you! You sick fuck!

It is you that I remember in their bedroom
It is you that took their first away from them
It is you they set their standards to
You wounded them for life
You were a preacher and suppose to be above men

Sing with me

[Chorus]
A brief bout with a razorblade cut me
I freaked out, thinking people didn't love me
I watched closely as the you I knew forgot me
In letting go, I am so proud of what I've done

I changed my color for you
I shed my coat with caution
I lack the beauty you display
See here there are the bruises
And some were self-inflicted
And some showed up along the way
So I nod my head
Im ready for the world to see
The secret I kept here inside the man you thought id be
Slip into coma calm
The coma where I calm myself down
Here comes excuses why I let you down

Stand by for another breakdown
Sound off the alarm
Is this the chameleon boy I swore I wouldnt become
Chameleon boy
Chameleon boy

So now weve come upon the hardest thing ive ever done
Its telling you that im a mess
What sort of mess I mean
Is self-destructive gasoline
The kind that strips you of your best
And while I play insteadthe way that most would end up dead
You sleep alone at home and wish that I was in our bed
With this im telling you
My color changes back to blue
How do I ask you this
Will you help me through

Stand by for another breakdown
Sound off the alarm
Is this the chameleon boy I swore I wouldnt become
Stand by for another breakdown
Sound off the alarm
Is this the chameleon boy I swore I wouldnt become
Chameleon boy
Chameleon boy

I try to think of all the people I look up to
Or growing up who would I be
Now the twisted part
Whered all my idols end up
They all passed away
Passed away

Stand by
Its chameleon boy
Stand by
Its chameleon boy
Chameleon Boy
I'm chameleon boy...
Chameleon boy...

Kneel down
Close your eyes
Hit the ground
I want you to, to kneel all day
Alone in this desolate cave
So I said
Scream if you want to
Cause no one is around
I want you to
To scream all day
Cause there's eleven words that I've rehearsed to say

And I say
How I love to hate you! [repeat]

You're
not so brave
When I'm the snake
And you're my prey
Let me tell you I'll eat all day
Alone in this desolate cave
So I say
Squeal if you want to
Cause no
no one is around
I want you to
To squeal all day
Cause there's eleven words that I've rehearsed to say

And I say
How I love to hate you! [repeat]
James, how I love to hate you
Oh, how I love
How I love to hate you...

How am I supposed to breathe?
I try to relax. I touch your still frame
So I can watch you closer
And study the ways I believe I belong to you
I scratch at your waist line... your doll hair
I dig up the thought of how your eyes glow
So I make you my religion, my collision, an escape goat
So have I found your secret weak spot, baby?

[Chorus]
Can you pretend I'm amazing?
I can pretend I'm amazing...
Instead of what we both know
I cut to the punch line baby
Can you pretend I'm amazing
Instead of what we both know

Now our history is for sale
And for that I apoligize
You see you're my only know how
The study of when I believe I belonged to you
You see I've made you into something delicious,
My sweet ghost
So have I found your secret weak spot, baby?

[Chorus]

I black out in the room again
Busted lip and broken skin
I wake up in the bathroom
And dare not bother asking
Why the mirror's cracked and all I see
Are shards of glass inside of me
A voice is there to dare me
My father's here to scare me

My mother sits beyond the door
She's curled up, crying on the floor
"Look at what our son's done,
The weight of all the world's gone wrong."

Liars leave a guilty trail
And I've lied for years
That must be why I'm sitting in this space
Disregarding I've created monsters
On both of my sides
So I wipe the blood from both their eyes
From all four of their eyes

And while I wait for wounds to heal
I see you by the window sill
Your heart tore out
A plastic spoon
Honesty lit up the room
I steal the pillowcase to clean
This mess I'd made of someone's dream
Now you see what I've done
When the weight of all the world's gone wrong
Gone wrong... gone wrong...

This room is old and wise
I fall into the bed and wonder, "How did I get here?"
The little boy who would argue with a tree
Just thump his head and he'll turn back to normal
So why is this what I see?

Don't bother trusting
Don't bother waiting
Don't bother changing things that won't give in to changing.
Just let me go away.
I'm packed.
Let's go...let's go

[No lyrics]

The first born, my heart will call Truly
A God-like boy of the sky
The fog hissed away like a movie
And serpents go home for the night
The thundercloud rain hits the freeway
The clowns put on makeup for show
The nightfall, my skin crawl kind of evening
And how the wind she blows
How the wind she blows

[Chorus]
I want you to come closer
Come in closer. Come in closer.
I want you to come in closer
Come in closer. Come in closer.
I want you to come in closer, in closer

Come dancing with devils
Need not to know their names
We'll waltz like an army
For the fear of our pain
Our souls become useless
As the day they were born
In a rusted arm rocking chair
Away from your storm

But still, the truth remains lethal
A lie made by man
Where my shoes become hammers
And my words become sand
Like a sour patch, a wedding batch
Of roses you threw across my floor
In the rusted arm rocking chair
Away from your storm

[Chorus]
I really do

Somewhere, far away from here
I saw stars, stars that I could reach (yeah)
It was a midnight, a silent twilight
Fell down, beyond the ocean beach (yeah)

I assemble all the sand that cover wedding beaches
To build a castle so your mom would have a place to stay
Behind the water slide and down the hill where heaven reaches
Land and time is left to float away (yeah)

So rest assured I have the key to every opening
To every wishing well deep thats enough to drink (drink)
I want to show you just how fascinating kissing is
When earth collides with all the space between (yeah)

I'm reaching farther than I ever have before
Leaving all who broke your heart upon the shore
I may be some sort of crazy
We may be some sort of crazy
But I swear on everything I have and more

So never look behind, there's spooky people breathing down
The world is ending there's a party by the bay
I'll wear my suit and tie, would I and I toss into
The way you put that smile upon my face (yeah)

Fill up the air balloon and ride with me
Yeah hell is just a parade (parade)
Make love like time and space Is ending
While befriending fade while luring way of putting us to shame

I'm reaching farther than I ever have before
Leaving all who broke your heart upon the shore
I may be some sort of crazy
We may be some sort of crazy
But I swear on everything I have and more

You make the sound of pulling heaven down
You brought the rain's romantic pour
You make the sound
You make the sound
Of pulling heaven down

I'm reaching farther than I ever have before
(god I've reached the top)
Leaving all who broke your heart upon the shore
I may be some sort of crazy
We may be some sort of crazy
But I swear on everything I have and more
(go go go go)

I'm reaching farther than I ever have before
(god i've reached the top)
Leaving all who broke your heart upon the shore
I may be some sort of crazy
We may be some sort of crazy
But I swear on everything I have and more
(go go go go)