Bette Midler Album

[No lyrics]

May we entertain you?
May we see you smile?
I will do some kicks
I will do some tricks
(Sing out, Louise, sing out)

I'll tell you a story
I'll dance when she's done
(You're behind, Louise, catch up baby, catch up)
By the time we're through entertaining you
You'll have a barrel of fun

Some people can get a thrill
knitting sweaters and setting still.
That's okay for some people
who don't know they're alive.

Some people can thrive and bloom
living life in the living room.
That's perfect for some people
of one hundred and five.

But I at least gotta try
when I think of all the sights that I gotta see
and all the places I gotta play,
all the things that I gotta be at.
Come on, papa, what do you say?

Some people can be content
playing bingo and paying rent.
That's peachy for some people,
for some hum-drum people to be,
but some people ain't me!

I had a dream,
a wonderful dream, papa,
all about June in the Orpheum circuit.
Gimme a chance and I know I can work it.

I had a dream.
Just as real as can be, papa.
There I was in Mr. Orpheum's office
and he was saying to me, "Rose,
get yourself some new orchestrations,
new routines and red velvet curtains.
Get a feathered hat for the baby;
photographs in front of the theatre.
Get an agent and in jig time
you'll be being booked in the big time."

Oh, what a dream.
A wonderful dream, papa.
And all that I need is eighty-eight bucks, papa.
That's what he said, papa.
Only eighty-eight bucks.

"You ain't gettin' eighty-eight cents from me, Rose."

"Well, I'll get it someplace else! But I'll get it! And get my kids out!"

Goodbye to blueberry pie.
Good ridance to all the socials I had to go to,
all the lodges I had to play,
all the shriners I said hello to.
Hey, L.A., I'm comin' your way!

Some people sit on their butts;
got the dream, yeah, but not the guts.
That's living for some people,
for some hum-drum people I suppose.
Well, they can stay and rot!
But not Rose!

Rose: Funny, you're a stranger who's come here,
come from another town.
Funny, I'm a stranger myself here.
Small world, isn't it?

Funny, you're a man who goes traveling
rather than settling down.
Funny, 'cause I'd love to go traveling.
Small world, isn't it?

We have so much in common,
it's a phenomenon.
We could pool our resources
by joining forces from now on.

Lucky, you're a man who likes children.
That's an important sign.
Lucky, I'm a woman with children.
Small world, isn't it?
Funny, isn't it small and funny and fine?

Herbie: We have so much in common,
it's a phenomenon.
We could pool our resources
by joining forces from now on.

Rose: Lucky, you're a man who likes children.
H: That's an important sign.
Rose: Lucky,
H: You're a
Rose & Herbie: woman with children.
Small world, isn't it?
Rose: Funny, isn't it
H: isn't it
Rose &Herbie: small and funny and fine?

Newsboys:
Extra!
extra! Extra!
Hey, look at the headline
Historical news
Is being made
Extra! Extra!
They're drawing a red line
around the biggest scoop
Of the decade
a barrel of charm
a fabulous thrill
the biggest little headline
In vaudeville

Presenting...in person...
That 3' foot 3
Bundle of dynamite...
Baby...June!

(::applause::)

Baby June:
Hello, everybody.
My name is June.
What's yours?

Let me entertain you
Let me make you smile
Let me do a few tricks
Some old and then
Some new tricks
I'm very versatile
And if you're real good
I'll make you feel good
Want your spirits
To climb
So let me entertain you
Oh!
And we'll have
A real good time, yes, sir!
We'll have
A real good
Time

(::tap dance::)

Rose: Have an eggroll, Mr. Goldstone.
Have a napkin, have a chopstick, have a chair.
Have a spare rib, Mr. Goldstone.
Any spare that I can spare I'll be glad to share!

Have a dish, have a fork, have a fish, have a pork.
Put your feet up. Feel at home.
Have a smoke, have a Coke.
Would you like to hear a joke?
I'll have June recite a poem!

Have a leechie, Mr. Goldstone.
Tell me any little thing that I can do.
Ginger peachy, Mr. Goldstone.
Have a kumquat, have two!
Everybody give a cheer.
Santa Claus is sitting here.
Mr. Goldstone I love you!

Have a Goldstone, Mr. Eggroll.
Tell me any little thing that I can do.
Have some fried rice, Mr. Soy Sauce.
Have a cookie, have a few!
What's the matter, Mr. G?
Have another pot of tea.
Mr. Goldstone I love you!

Herbie: There are good stones and bad stones
and curbstones and gladstones
and touchstones and such stones as them.
Rose: There are big stones and small stones
and grind stones and gall stones,
All: but Goldstone is a gem!

There are milestones, there are mill stones.
There's a cherry, there's a yellow, there's a blue.
But we don't want any old stone,
only Goldstone will do!
Moon stones, sun stones.
We all scream for one stone.
Mr. Goldstone we love you!
Goldstone!

Louise
Little lamb, little lamb
My birthday is here at last
Little lamb, little lamb
My birthday goes by so fast
Little bear, little bear
You sit on my right
Right there
Little hen, little hen
What game should we play and when?
Little cat, little cat
Oh, why do you look so blue?
Did somebody paint you like that,
Or is your birthday too?
Little fish, little fish
Do you think I'll get my wish?
Little lamb, little lamb
I wonder how old I am
I wonder how old I am
Little lamb

Rose: You'll never get away from me.
You can climb the tallest tree.
I'll be there somehow.

True, you could say, "Hey, here's your hat."
But a little thing like that
couldn't stop me now.

I couldn't get away from you,
even if you told me to,
so go on and try.
Just try and you're gonna see
how you're gonna not at all
get away from me.

Herbie: Rose, I love you, but don't count your chickens.
Rose: Come dance with me.
Herbie: I warn you that I'm no Boy Scout.
Rose: Relax awhile, come dance with me.
Herbie: So don't think that I'm easy pickin'.
Rose: The music's so nice.
Herbie: Rose, 'cause I just may some day pick up and pack out.
Rose: Oh, no you don't. No, not a chance.
No arguments, shut up and dance.

Rose: You'll never get away from me.
You can climb the tallest tree.
I'll be there somehow.
True, you could say, "Hey, here's your hat."
Rose &Herbie: But a little
Herbie: thing like that
couldn't stop me now.

Rose &Herbie: I couldn't get away from you,
even if I wanted to.
Rose: Well, go on and try.
Just try
Herbie: Ah, Rose.
Rose: and you're gonna see
Herbie: Ah, Rose
Rose: how you're gonna not at all
Rose &Herbie: get away from me.

Farmboys
extra! Extra!
hey, look at
The headline
historical news
Is being made
Extra! Extra!
they're drawing
A red line
around the biggest scoop
Of the decade
a barrel of charm
a fabulous thrill
the biggest little headline
In vaudeville

presenting
in person
that 5' 2"
Bundle of dynamite
dainty...June
(::drum roll::)

June
Hello, everybody!
My name is June!
What's yours?

(::music playing::)

I have a moo cow
a new cow,
A true cow
named Caroline

Louise
moo, moo, moo, moo

June
she's an extra-special
friend of mine

Louise
moo, moo, moo, moo

June
I like everything
about her fine

Louise
moo, moo,
Moo, moo

June
she likes to moo in
The moonlight
when the moody moon
Appears
and when she moos in
The moonlight
gosh, it's moosic
To my ears
she's so moosical
she loves a man cow,
A tan cow
who can cow her
With a glance

Louise
moo, moo,
Moo, moo

June
when he winks at her
she starts to dance

Louise
moo, moo, moo, moo

June
it's what grown-ups call
A real romance

Louise
moo, moo, moo, moo

June
but if we moooved
To the city
or we settled
By the shore
she'd make the mooove
'cause she
Loves me more

(::music ends::)

Woman
Thank you very much.
That's all.

Rose
But we have a great finish.

Woman
I'm sure,
But mr. Grantziger--

Rose
Ah...hit it!

(::music playing::)

Farmboys
broadway
broadway
we miss it so
we're leaving soon
And taking June
to star her in a show
bright lights
white lights
rhythm and romance
the train is late,
So while we wait
we're gonna do
A little dance

June
Broadway
Broadway
how great you are
I'll leave the farm
With all its charm
to be a Broadway star
bright lights
white lights
where the neons glow
my bag is packed,
I've got my act
so all aboard,
C'mon, let's go

Farmboys
Let's go

(::train whistle blowing::)

June
Wait!
Stop the train.
Stop the music.
Stop everything!
I can't go to Broadway
With you.

Farboy
Why not, dainty June?

June
Because...
I'm staying here
With Caroline, my favorite cow!

Farmboys
Yay!
Yay!

(::playing the stars
And stripes forever::)

(::music ends::)

Louise
I wish Momma would marry a plain man so we could all be together...
If Momma was married
We'd live in a house
As private as private can be
Just Momma, three ducks, five canaries,
A mouse, two monkeys, one father, six turtles
And me...
If Momma was married

June
If Momma was married
I'd jump in the air
And give all my toe shoes to you
I'd get all those hair ribbons
Out of my hair
And once and for all
I'd get Momma out too...
If Momma was married

Louise
momma grt ot your white dress
You've done it before

June
Without much success!

Both
Momma, God speed and God bless
We're not keeping score
What's one more or less
Oh, Momma, say: yes
And waltz down the aisle
While you may

Louise
I'll gladly support you
I'll even escort you...

June
And I'd gladly give you away

Both
Oh,. Momma, get married today!

June
If Momma was married there wouldn't be anymore:
"Let me entertain you, let me make you smile!
I would do some kicks!"

Louise
"I would do some tricks!"

June
Sing out, Louise!

Louise
Smile, baby!
Momma, please take our advice
We aren't The Lunts

June
I'm not Fanny Brice

Both
Momma, we'll buy you the rice
If only this once
You wouldn't think twice
It could be so nice
If Momma got married to stay

Louise
But Momma gets married

June
And...

Louise
Married

June
And...

Louise
Married

Both
And never gets carried away
Oh, Momma...
Oh, Momma...
Oh, Momma...
Get married today!

Tulsa

Intro:
Well, you see, I'll pretend I'm at home getting ready for a date.
I take a comb, comb my hair
Take a flower, smell it, put it in my lapel
And I spot the audience!

Verse:
Once my clothes WERE shabby
Tailors CALLED me, "Cabbie"
Got so rough I TOOK a vow
Said this bum'LL
Be Beau Brummel
Now I'm smooth and SNAPPY
Now my tailor's happy
I AM the cats meow
My wardrobe is a wow!
Paris silk! HARRIS tweed!
There's only one thing I need...

Refrain:
Got my tweed crest
Got my best vest
All I need now is the girl
Got my striped tie
Got my hopes high
Got the time and the place
And I got rhythm
Now all I need is the girl to go with'M
If she'LL
just appear we'll
Take this big town for a WHIRL
And if she'LL ONLY say, "My darling I'm yours"
I'll throw away
My striped tie
And my best-PRESSED tweed
All I really need
Is the girl.

Patter:
(::speaking::) I start off easy, you see?
Now I'm more debonair...
Ssssssssssssssh! Aaaaah! Break ... Now! Yeah!
And I settle here... I start this step, see?
And then I build it... Double it!
She appears all in white and I take her hand,
Kiss it and lead her on the floor...
This step's good for the costume...Astaire's pat!
Dah dah dah dah...Dah dah dah dah yah dah...
Now we waltz, springs come in
And I lift her...Again... Once more!
And now the tempo changes and all the lights come up
And I build for the finale
Louise, that's it!
Come on over here...
Follow me... Faster! Charleston...
Again... Do it again! Ha ha ha!

I had a dream, a dream about you, baby.
It's gonna come true, baby.
They think that we're through, but baby,

You'll be swell! You'll be great!
Gonna have the whole world on the plate!
Starting here, starting now,
honey, everything's coming up roses!

Clear the decks! Clear the tracks!
You've got nothing to do but relax.
Blow a kiss. Take a bow.
Honey, everything's coming up roses!

Now's your inning. Stand the world on it's ear!
Set it spinning! That'll be just the beginning!
Curtain up! Light the lights!
You got nothing to hit but the heights!
You'll be swell. You'll be great.
I can tell. Just you wait.
That lucky star I talk about is due!
Honey, everything's coming up roses for me and for you!

You can do it, all you need is a hand.
We can do it, Mama is gonna see to it!
Curtain up! Light the lights!
We got nothing to hit but the heights!
I can tell, wait and see.
There's the bell! Follow me!
And nothing's gonna stop us 'til we're through!
Honey, everything's coming up roses and daffodils!
Everything's coming up sunshine and Santa Claus!
Everything's gonna be bright lights and lollipops!
Everything's coming up roses for me and for you!

Rose: Wherever we go, whatever we do,
we're gonna go through it together.
We may not go far, but sure as a star,
wherever we are, it's together.

Wherever I go I know he goes.
Wherever I go I know she goes.
No fits, no fights, no feuds
and no egos, Amigos, together!

Through thick and through thin,
all out or all in.
And whether it's win, place or show.
With you for me and me for you,
we'll muddle through whatever we do.
Together, wherever we go.

Rose & Herbie: Wherever we go, whatever we do,
we're gonna go through it together.
Rose: Wherever we sleep, if prices are steep,
Herbie:We'll always sleep cheaper together.

Rose: Whatever the boat I row, you row.
Herbie: A duo
Rose: Whatever the row I hoe, you hoe.
Louise: A trio.
Rose: And any I. O. U., I owe you-oh's?
Herbie: Who, me-oh? No, you-oh.
Louise: No, we-oh.
All: Together!

We all take the bow
Rose: Including the cow,
All: though business is lousy and slow.
Rose: With Herbie's vim, Louise's verve,
Herbie &Louise: Now all we need is someone with nerve.
Rose: Together
Herbie &Louise: Together
Rose: Wherever
Herbie &Louise: Wherever
Rose: Together, wherever,
All: Together, wherever we go.

Rose: We go in a group,
All: We tour in a troupe.
We land in the soup, but we know
the things we do, we do by threes.
A perfect team.
Rose: No, this way, Louise!
Together
Herbie &Louise: Together
Rose: Wherever
Herbie &Louise: Wherever
All: Together, wherever we go!

Mazeppa
You can pull all the stops out
Till they call the cops out
Grind your behind till you're bend.
But you gotta get a gimmick
If you wanna get a hand.
You can sacrifice your sacharo
Working in the back row.
Bump in a dump till you're dead.
Kid you gotta have a gimmick
If you wanna get ahead.
You can uh...You can uh...
You can uh...uh...uh...
That's how Burlesque was born.
So I uh...and I uh...
And I uh...uh...uh...
But I do it with a horn...
Once I was a Schleppa,
Now I'm Miss Mazzeppa,
With my revolution in dance.
You gotta have a gimmick
If you wanna have a chance!

Electra
She can uh... She can uh...
She can uh...uh...uh...
They'll never make her pitch.
Me, I uh... and I uh...
And I uh...uh...uh...
But I do it with a switch.
I'm electrifying
And I ain't even trying.
I never had to sweat to get paid
'Cause if you got a gimmick
Gypsy girl, you got it made.

Tessie Tura
All them uh and then uh...
And that uh...uh...uh...
Ain't gonna spell success.
Me, I uh... and I uh...
And I uh...uh...uh...
But I do it with finesse.
Lady Tura is so much more then purer
Than all them other ladies because-
You gotta get a gimmick
If you wanna get applause.

ALL
Do something special
Anything special
And you'll get better because
Come on and just do mimic
When you gotta gimmick
Take a look how different we are!

Electra
If you wanna make it,
Twinkle while you shake it.

Tura
If you wanna grind it,
Wait till you refined it.

Mazeppa
If you wanna stump it,
Bump it with a trumpet!

ALL
Get yourself a gimmick and you too,
Can be a star!

Baby June
Make me entertain you
Make me see you smile
I will do some kicks
Oh!

Louise
I will do some tricks

Momma Rose
Sing out, Louise!

June
I'll tell you a story...
Louise
I'll dance when she's done

Uncle Jocko
Who said that?
Who's out there, George?

George
I don't know, I got all the mothers out of here!
Just like you told me!

June and Louise
Are you ready to smile?

Rose
You're behind, Louise
Get upon it!

June and Louise
Well, I'll try that through
Entertaining you

Uncle Jocko
Who's that?

Rose
Sing out, Louise!

Louise and June
You'll love our lullaby

Uncle Jocko
Get that mother out of here!

George
Lady...

Here she is, boys!
Here she is, world!
Here's Rose!

Curtain up!
Light the lights!
Play it, boys!

Ya either got it, or ya ain't.
And, boys, I got it!
Ya like it?
Well, I got it!

Some people got it and make it pay.
Some people can't even give it away.
This people's got it
and this people's spreadin' it around!
You either have it
or you've had it!

Hello, everybody! My name is Rose! What's yours?
How do you like them eggrolls, Mr. Goldstone?
Hold your hats and hallelujah.
Mama's gonna show it to you.
Ready or not, shhh, here comes Mama.

Mama's talkin' loud.
Mama's doin' fine.
Mama's gettin' hot.
Mama's goin' stong.
Mama's movin' on.
Mama's all alone.
Mama doesn't care.
Mama's lettin' loose.
Mama's got the stuff.
Mama's lettin' go.
Mama?
Mama's got the stuff.
Mama's gotta move.
Mama's gotta go.
Mama? Mama?
Mama's gotta let go.

Why did I do it?
What did it get me?
Scrapbooks full of me in the background.
Give 'em love and what does it get ya?
What does it get ya?
One quick look as each of 'em leaves you.
All your life and what does it get ya?
Thanks a lot and out with the garbage,
They take bows and you're battin' zero.

I had a dream.
I dreamed it for you, June.
It wasn't for me, Herbie.
And if it wasn't for me
then where would you be,
Miss Gypsy Rose Lee?

Well, someone tell me, when is it my turn?
Don't I get a dream for myself?
Starting now it's gonna be my turn.
Gangway, world, get off of my runway!
Starting now I bat a thousand!
This time, boys, I'm taking the bows and

everything's coming up Rose!
Everything's coming up roses!
Everything's coming up roses
this time for me!
For me! For me! For me! For me! For me!
For me!

[No lyrics]