Bette Midler Album

[No lyrics]

And I am all alone.
There is no one here beside me.
And my problems have all gone.
There is no one to deride me.

But you got to have friends.
The feeling's oh so strong.
You got to have friends
to make that day last long.

I had some firends but they're gone,
somethin' came and took them away.
And from the dusk 'til the dawn
here is where I'll stay.

Standing at the end of the road, boys,
waiting for my new friends to come.
I don't care if I'm hungry or poor,
I'm gonna get me some of them.

'Cause you got to have friends.
Da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, friends.
That's right you, oh you, yeah you,
I said you gotta have some friends,
I'm talkin' about friends, that's right, friends.
Friends, friends, friends.

I had some firends, oh, but they're all gone, gone,
someone came and snatched them away.
And from the dusk until the very dawn, you know,
here is where I gotta stay, here is where I gotta stay.

And I'm standing at the end of a real long road
and I'm waiting for my new friends to come.
I don't care if I'm hungry or freezin' cold,
I'm gonna get me some of them.

'Cause you gotta have friends,
that's right, friends, friends.
I gotta me my, I gotta me my, I gotta me my,
look around and see all of my friends.
Oh, friends, that's right, friends, friends,
friends, friends, friends, friends, oh,
friends, you gotta have friends . . .

----

(Harlettes:) She called up the doctor
to see what's the matter.
He said, "Come on over."

(Bette:) I said, "Do I have to?"
My knees started aching,
my wrists started shakin'
when the doctor said to me,

Whoa, he said
Oh my my, oh my my,
can you boogie? Can you slide?
Oh my my, oh my my,
you can boogie if you try.
Oh my my, oh my my,
you know it's guaranteed to keep you alive.

Whoa, no no no no no!
Now don't make me go!

(Harlettes:) The head nurse, she blew in
just like a tornado.
When they started dancin'

(Bette:) I jumped off the table.
I felt myself reeling,
and as I was healing,
this is what he said to me,

Ow! Oh my my, oh my my,
can you boogie? Can you slide?
Oh my my, oh my my,
you can boogie if you try.
Oh my my, oh my my,
you know it's guaranteed to keep you alive.

(Harlettes:) Can you boogie?
(Bette:) Whoa, my my my my mu mu my mu mu my mu mu my my my my
Can I boogie? Can I boogie? Can I boogie?
Can I boogie woogie?

(Harlettes:) Can you boogie?
(Bette:) Yes I can, yes I can, yes I can.
(Harlettes:) Can you boogie?
(Bette:) Yes I can, yes I can, yes I can.
(Harlettes:) Can you boogie?
(Bette:) Yes I can, yes I can, yes I can.

"Can I boogie?
Can I boogie?
What kind of asshole question is that? . . ."

"Oh god, oh god.
Dumping so early in the evening.
I really didn't mean that.
I really didn't mean that."

Above the ground, I'm lifted to the sky,
and down like a tumbling weed I found myself stranded high and dry.
A circus ride, oh, it only costs a dime,
but if you wanna see the fireworks you might have to pay a lifetime.

'Cause love is a carnival
with lots of laughs, wonderful rides and danger.
But it feels so good.
With rockets shootin' in your head,
'round and 'round and 'round you go.
Bang, you're dead, baby. Bang, you're dead, baby.

Like a boomerang keeps twisting, twisting in your heart.
You know the funny part of it is, you always end up where you start.
You're headed for big clouds. Got the silver lining.
But you're in for a big surprise.
There's a river of tears behind it.

'Cause love is a carnival
with lots of baubles, bangles and beads.
Beware, beware, beware.
It feels so good, feels so good.
With rockets shootin' in your head,
'round and 'round and 'round you go.
Bang, you're dead, baby. Bang, you're dead, baby.

Above the ground I'm lifted. Spininng, spinning, spinning out of control.
Higher, higher, higher, higher, higher!
Above the ground I'm lifted, yeah, to the sky.
And down like a tumbling weed I found myself stranded high and dry.
A circus ride, you know it, it only costs a dime,
but if you wanna see the fireworks you might have to pay.
Hey, yeah, yeah, to the sky, high. And down like a tumbling weed
I found myself stranded, stranded.
Bang, you're dead!

"Oh, that's so heavy. We're goanna do a, a Neil Young song. Neil is so heavy. Neil is so mellow and laid back. I'm trying my best to be mellow and laid back. You know, I have even gone organic. Last week I ate an Earth Shoe. Oh, did I sing the ballad yet? Was it wonderful? Oh, did I sing it? I didn't sing it, did I. Oh, so sorry."

Lover, there will be another one
to hover over you beneath the sun.
Tomorrow, see the things that never come
today.

And you see me fly away without you.
My shadow on the things you know.
My feathers fall all around you,
they show you the way to go.
It's over, baby. I say, it's over, baby.

Nestle in your wings my little one.
The special morning brings another sun.
Tomorrow, see the things that do not come
today.

And you see me fly away without you.
My shadow falling on the things you know.
My feathers, they fall all around you,
they show you the way to go.
Hey, baby. It's over, baby. It's over, baby.

I got to fly away. I got to fly away.
Gonna close my eyes and I will fly away.
You believe it now, fly away. I'm goin' to the sun, to fly away.
I'm gonna close my eyes and I will fly away.
Oh, one more time. Fly. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, fly away.
Close my eyes and I will fly away.

It's over, baby. It's over, baby.
My lover, there will be another one
to hover over you beneath the sun.
Tomorrow, see the things that do not come
today.
She will show you the way to go.

It's over. Thank god, it's over.
I'm gonna close my eyes and I will fly away.

Oh God, Oh God, life is real life
is when you wanna sing Polly-Wally-Doodle all the day,
Well you know, I may well be a sequel to Jaws,
in which a shark is attacked by a great white woman,
Actually I'm not going to do the sequel to Jaws at all,
I'm making the sequel to 'Emanuelle',
I call it 'Temple Emanuelle'. Actually it's not dirty at all,
it's just a lot of kissing and mezzuzas.
And er, one singular sub-plot,
in which a woman who has an un-natural relationship with a Kreplach.
I know there must be one or two of you out there,
who haven't got the vaguest idea what the hell is a Kreplach,
and to both of you I say...
A Kreplach is a person from Kreplachia,
which is a very small fishing nation wedged between Estonia and Latvia,
You don't hear from them too much since the iron curtain fell!
But every now and again, one or two Kreplach's manage to escape...
But NEVER to Cleveland!

(Audience Member:) YES!
(Audeince Member:) Not True!

What!?
There we have one Kreplach.
Who one Kreplach that managed to get to Cleveland!
In fact, I venture to say that was the Kreplach that ate Cleveland!
(Audience Member:) Are you sure!?
No, Belle Barth used to say:
'Shut your hole honey, mines making money!'
(Audience Member:) OH!
Ooh, she didn't say that!
I never said that,
I didn't say that,
I never said that!

Oh did you hear the news!?
You haven't heard the news,
I must tell you the news,
I am the harbinger of news here.

I slept with Jack kennedy
(Bette Laughs)
You wanna know what else!?
They slept with Jack Kennedy!
(Points to the Harlette's)
Talk about your bad pigs! Really.

Oh, I'm sorry Girls.
Oh my God,
Oh God,
Oh God,
Alright,
Oh God,
Oh God,
Oh God,
Oh God,
Alright,
Alright,
Alright!

Please forgive me everyone!
Please forgive me!
Just a little yolk,
Fuck 'em if they can't take a joke!

Jumping with my boy, Sid
right here in the city.
Don't you know that is was grand?
Really grand, so grand.
And then you came along,
then you came along, boy.
And sang your groovy song,
sang a song and I asked:

Mr. Whatchacallem, whatcha doing tonight?
Hope you're in the mood
because I'm feeling just right.
How's about a corner
with a table for two?
Where the music's mellow
is a gay rendezvous.
There's no chance romancing
with a blue attitude.
You know you got to do some dancing
to get in the mood.

Mr. Watchacallem, I'm indebted to you.
You're here. It goes to show what good influence can do.
Never felt so happy or so fully alive.
He's a jam a jumpin', it's a powerful jive!
Swing-a-roo is giving me a new attitude.
My heart is full of rhythm
and I'm in the mood.

In the mood (oh boy) be mine forever.
In the groove (that boy) and leave me never.
In the mood (oh joy) give me some kissing.
You know it won't be long
before you're in the mood!

Don't be rude, I love you madly.
It's up to you, I'll take you gladly.
Love is blind, my vision's hazy.
It didn't take me long to say
I'm in the mood!

Do ba do ba do bop boo da da day.
Ba da-n-da da-n do da-n do day.
Who's that guy with the beautiful eyes?
'N' look at those lips, I'd try 'em for size.
Hey! Swing with me!
What a wing it'd be!
May I intrude? It's time to dance
and I'm in the mood!

Oh, hold me darling, let's dance.
What a dreamy romance.
It's a quarter to three.
There's a mess-o-that moon.
Let's share it with me.
You know, I think it's rude
to keep me this way
when I'm in the mood.
I'm in the mood, in the groove!
In the mood, ah, ah, ah!

Man-oh-man, wow!
Like, you really got me lookin'.
Oh, and you really got me cookin', oh!

My heart went flip, my brain went skip.
I said c'mon, c'mon, c'mon, c'mon, c'mon, c'mon.
I'm hot now! Oh boy! I love you madly!
Right now! Oh boy! I'll take you gladly!
Tight now! Oh boy! I'll be in!
And now I'm really in the mood, boy!

Rompin'! Stompin'! Smokin'!
Why don't we go somewhere and smooch, boy?

It's got to be right now!
It's gotta be right now!
It's got to be right now!
I'm only saying that it didn't take me long,
didn't take me long, didn't take me long
to say I'm in the mood.
Your flat foot floozy wants a good boy!

Hurry on down to my house, honey,
ain't nobody home but me.
Hurry on down to my house, baby.
Oh, I'm blue as I can be.
I love you. You love me.
A-hurry through the alley
so the neighbors don't see.
Hurry on down to my house, honey,
ain't nobody home but me. Oooh.

hurry on down to my house, baby,
ain't nobody home but me.
Hurry on down to my house, baby.
I'm blue as I can be.

Oh, blue when the clock a-went
tick-tock-tick.
ooh, c'mon, honey, quick, quick, quick.
Hurry on down to my house, baby,
ain't nobody home but me.

Say, hurry, hurry, a-nobody's home.
Hurry on down, baby,
I'm blue as I can be.
Oh, please come down
just as soon as you can.
If you don't come down,
I got to call Sam!
You know the man is crazy about me.
Ain't nobody home but me . . . ow!

"Well, what's goin' on with the three of yous? C'mon, c'mon, make it snappy. C'mon, c'mon, work out, work out! Go, babe, get down, get down! Oh, lord! Nobody's home!"

Say, hurry on down to my house, baby,
ain't nobody home.
Haul it down, drag it down,
any way to get it down.
I'm blue as I can be.
Ashes-to-ashes. Dust-to-dust.
C'mon, honey, you must, you must!
Hurry on down to my house, baby,
ain't nobody home but me.

Hurry, hurry. A-nobody's home.
Haul it down and drag it down.
You know I can't stand to be alone.
Operator, get me hillside, 409.
A-don't stop ringin'
'til you get that baby's line!
He's gonna haul it down!
Ain't nobody home but, you believe it,
there's nobody home but me! Wo!

We'll, I'm leaving my family
I'm leaving all my freinds
My body's at home, but my heart's in the wind
And the clouds are like headlines
Upon a new frontpage sky
My tears are saltwater, the moon's full and high

And I know Joe Comrad
Would be proud of me
Many before me 'been called by the say:
'To be up in the crow's nest,
Singing my sayin':
Shiver me timbers, let's all sail away'

And the fog's lifting, the sand's shifting
I'm drifting on out
Old captain Ahab's got nothing on me
Swallow me, don't follow me
I'm travelling alone
The water's my daughter
I'll skip like a stone

And the fog's lifting, the sand's shifting
I'm drifting on out
Old captain Ahab's got nothing on me
Swallow me, don't follow me
I'm travelling alone
The water, she is my daughter
I'll skip like a stone

Won't you please call my family?
Tell 'em not to cry
My goodbyes are written by the moon in the sky
Say, nobody knows me
I got no reason to stay..
Shiver me timbers..
I'm sailing.. Away..

La la la la la la
la la la la
La la la la la la la
La la-ah la

"And now, And now, And now!
Comes my favorite part.
This is the part where
I get to expose myself,
to... Cleveland.
All my hopes, fears,
dreams and desires,
right here, right now,
in this little section.
I have been in showbusiness
for 10 years and every time
I have to go back on the stage
I have this dream,
That I am trapped in an act,
not of my own design,
In this act, I demonstrate
the kind of performer I might
have become, had I not been
blessed with brains,
talent and gorgeous tits!
Yes indeed Ladies and Germs,
in this, in this dream I demonstrate
the kind of preformer I would have
become had I only been blessed
with gorgeous tits, yes, here they are!
Here thay are, You've read about them
in people magazine, they were featured
on the cover of life.
Octover 1st, 1954,
3 year old baby with 38 inch chest.
That was something to behold! Ahh.
Now, the name of the performer
that I play in my dream is 'Vicki Eydie',
Vickie Eydie is definitely a lounge act,
Vickie Eydie is not the kind performer
who goes around singing any old kind of song
she wants to sing, you understand!
No, this act, what can I call it? It is a global revue,
She does not, of course, travel alone, no,
She has hired a once famous, singing trio!
'The Dazzling Eette-ettes'
And if I am not mistake, here they
comes this very mimette,
Mimmette? Here they come!
'The Dazzling Ette-ettes'
Oh God! Welcome to my nightmare!"

"And now!
The plywood room,
Higher top swing go'ers,
Celebrity motorlodge!
In gorgeous downtown 'Seven Hills'
is thrilled to present,
The inevitable song stylings
of the internationnally acclaimed
Miss Vicki Eydie!
In her internationnally acclaimed
'Around the world Revue' entitled
'Around the world in 80 ways!'
And now, he-e-e-ere's Vicki!!

Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!
Around the world I've searched
for you, I traveled on when hope
was gone to keep a rendezvous.

Say, I knew somewhere, sometime,
somehow, you would look at me
and I would see the smile you're smiling now. OOH!

It might have been in County Down,
or in New York, in Gay Paree,
or even, London Town.

Hey! What difference does it make?
No more will I go all around the world,
for I have found my world in,
Y-O-U, HEY! Ha!

"What difference does it make!?
Jokers, Tokers and Smokers!
How are you tonight!?
Where are you tonight!?
And how does your sign say!?
Have we got a little treat in store for you tonight!
We're gonna take you on a wonderful little
trip around this glorious little globe of ours!
we feature songs of many colors, and flags of lots of nations
And the first stop on this whirl-wind cavelcade.
The exotic Middle East!
The medieval Turkey of a patoon!"
Here we go, Girls! OW!"

Istanbul was Constantinople
Now it's Istanbul, not Constantinople
Been a long time gone, Constantinople
Now it's Turkish delight on a moonlit night

Every gal in Constantinople
Lives in Istanbul, not Constantinople
So if you've got a date in Constantinople
She'll be waiting in Istanbul

Even old New York
Was once New Amsterdam, Hey!
Why they changed it I can't say
People just liked it better that way

Nya, Nya, Nya!
Sing the song Girls!
Nya, Nya, Nya!
(Repeated)
Sing out, Sing out.
Nya, Nya, Nya!...
Wow!

So take me back to Constantinople
No, you can't go back to Constantinople
Been a long time gone, Constantinople
Why did Constantinople get the works
That's nobody's business but the Turks'
HEY!!!

"But no time to linger!
No time to linger!
Vicki Eydie gets preposterous
on the bosperous!
But as I say no time to linger
in the Auderman empire,
For I hear by the sound of the
castanettes, we are off,
off, off, off we are off.
Off to Br-r-r-r-r-r-r-azil! a-Br-r-razil. Brazil...
Land of hope, Land of hemp.
Hmmmm.
I wrote this next musical composition
for the festival at 'Piranha Del-Rai'
Unfortunately I did not win
that particular festival,
OtherwiseIi would not be here in,
er... Cleveland! Tonight
But makes no, nevermind!
For me, this song sums up the
essence of the Latin-American experience.
See if you don't understand what I mean"

It was Fiesta.
Tropical moonlight.
It was, it was Fiesta
and he held me so tight.
I thought, I thought I was dying.
But I just had the clap.
It was Fiesta
and I had the clap.

What to do in Rio,
when you can't even pee-o?
I had a bum time,
though it was fiesta.
I-I-I-I-I-I-I!

When he turned the light down low
he said, "Oh Miss Vickie, I, I want you so."

I was a forced, forced to remove myself from his lap.
You take care at Fiesta. You beware, beware at Fiesta.
Oh there at Fiesta, he will give you the . . .

( Clapping to beat )

Wa-hoo, Hey!

"Catchy, huh?
Yeah, I thought you'd enjoy that!
But no time to linger in South America,
For I hear by the sound of the slide guitar,
That it is time for us to move along,
Yes, indeed Ladies and gentlemen,
we are on our way, and just in time
for Vicki Eydie's South Sea Adventure!
Ahh, the South Sea's, The South Sea's,
where I found peace, contentment and
many tropical fruits I had not known before!
Yes, Ladies and Gentlemen, Vicki Eydie eats papaya!
We are about to recreatefor you, one the most beautiful
and sensual of all the native rituals for you and
here are some beautiful and sensual native's right now!"

In the south sea island of Tawanga,
I let myself go.
What a beautiful setting for romancing,
and the palms sway too and fro.
And the island men are so handsome,
they make you really know,
what it's like not to be left lonely
as they sing soft and low.

If you're cracking up from having lack of shaking up.
If you're cracking up from having lack of shaking up.
If you're cracking up, why don't you pack it up?
You got to find yourself a crazy kind of love

Two-Three-Four
Aaaahh-Way
Lack-of-nookies-got-me!
Aaaaahh-Way
Come-on-I-wanna-lay-ya!
Aaaaahh-Way
You got to find yourself a crazy kind of love!

They took me down by the waterfall,
they showed me their island ways.
They gave me beautiful flowers,
and pretty good island lays.
I forgot about what was right,
and I learned what was very bad.
But now I am the princess of the island,
and they make me feel very glad.

If you're cracking up from having lack of shaking up.
If you're cracking up from having lack of shaking up.
If you're cracking up, why don't you pack it up?
You got to find yourself a crazy kind of love.

Two-Three-Four
Aaaahh-Way
Lack-of-nookies-got-me!
Aaaaahh-Way
Come-on-I-wanna-lay-ya!
Aaaaahh-Way
You got to find yourself a crazy kind of love!
That's Right
You got to find yourself a crazy kind of love!
That's Right
You got to find yourself a crazy kind of love!

"Here we go!!!
Time to sing along with Vicki Eydie!
Don't you want sing along with Vicki Eydie!? Yeah!
Ok, forget music!
I sing first, then you,
Get it?
Got it?
Good!"

If you're cracking up from having lack of shacking up!
If you're cracking up from having lack--
God, what a quiet, quiet little group.
What a quiet, tasteful little group!
Now that the lights are on,
I see just how quiet and tasteful you really are!
Let's try it again!
Me first,
Then you,
Real loud!

If you're cracking up from having lack of shacking up!
IF YOU'RE CRACKING UP FROM HAVING LACK OF SHACKING UP!
Wonderful!
If you're cracking up from having lack of shacking up!
IF YOU'RE CRACKING UP FROM HAVING LACK OF SHACKING UP!
If you're cracking up...
IF YOU'RE CRACKING UP!
Why don't you pack it up!
WHY DON'T YOU PACK IT UP!
And find yourself a crazy kind of Love!
AND FIND YOURSELF A CRAZY KIND OF LOVE!

"Now here comes the hard part.
Now, many Caucasians have a lot of diffulty
wrapping their little mouths around this parts.
because this is real Polynesian, you understand!"

Ahh-Way Lack of nookies got me I see it has!
AHH-WAY LACK OF NOOKIES GOT ME!
Next phrase!
Ahh-Way, Come on I want to lay you.
AHH-WAY, COME ON I WANT TO LAY YOU!
Excellent! Excellent!
Why much better than we had hoped!

"Why, my Goodness me, do you think we can do it up to tempo!?
Do you think you can do it up to tempo!?
(Audience:) YEAH!
Let's go!
Up to tempo for the little Mother-Fucker's!
HERE WE GO!

IF YOU'RE CRACKING UP FROM HAVING LACK OF SHACKING UP!
IF YOU'RE CRACKING UP FROM HAVING LACK OF SHACKING UP!
IF YOU'RE CRACKING UP, WHY DON'T YOU PACK IT UP!
YOU GOT TO FIND YOURSELF A CRAZY KIND OF LOVE!

TWO-THREE-FOUR!
AAH-WAY!
LACK OF NOOKIE'S GOT ME!
AHH WAY!
COME ON I WANNA LAY YA!
YOU GOTTA FIND YOURSELF A CRAZY KIND OF LOVE!
THAT'S RIGHT,
YOU GOTTA FIND YOURSELF A CRAZY KIND OF LOVE!
THAT'S RIGHT,
YOU GOTTA FIND YOURSELF A CRAZY KIND OF L-O-O-O-OVE!...

You're out of the woods,
you're out of the dark,
you're out of the night.
Step into the sun,
step into the light,
then open your eyes
and love will open, ahhh,
open, ahhh,
open, open, open, open up.

Nicky Arnstein!
Nicky Arnstein!
Nicky Arnstein!

Hey! Come on along and listen to
the lullaby of Broadway.
The hi-de-hi and boopa-doo.
The lullaby of Broadway.

The band begins to go to town
and everyone goes crazy.
You rock-a-bye your baby 'round
'til everything gets hazy.
Hush-a-bye, I'm gonna buy you this and that,
you hear your daddy sing.
Then baby goes home to her flat
to sleep all day.

Good night, baby.
Good night. Milkman's on his way.
Sleep tight, oh, my baby.
You sleep tight. Let's call it a day.

Listen to, the lullaby,
of ol-gone, you know it's old.
Come on along Broadway!
yeah, brodway, yeah, broadway!
The lulla-lullaby of Bro-o-o-oadway!
Yow!

I stayed out late one night and you moved in.
I didn't mind 'cause of the state you were in.
May I remind you that it's been a year since then?

Today the landlady, she said to me,
"You're loony friend just made a pass at me."
Perhaps you might enjoy a cottage by the sea.

So pack your toys away,
your pretty boys away,
your forty-fives away,
your alibis away,
your silly lies away,
your old tie-dyes away,
your one more tries away.
You're moving out today.

You nasty habits ain't confined to bed.
The grocer told me what you do with bread.
Why don't you take up with the
baker's wife instead of me?

Pack up your rubber duck.
I'd like to wish you luck.
Your funny cigarettes, your sixty-one cassettes,
pack all your clothes away,
your rubber hose away,
your old day glows away.
You're movin' out today.

"I hate to do it"
"You gotta"
"I hate to do it"
"You gotta"
"I hate to do it"
"You gotta"
"I hate to do it"
"You gotta"
"I hate to do it"
"You gotta"

Pack up you dirty looks,
your songs that have no hooks,
your stacks of Modern Screen,
your portrait of the queen,
your mangy cat away,
your baby fat away.
You're headed that a-way.
You're moving out today.

She was forty-one and her daddy still called her baby.
Everyone in Brownsville thinks she's crazy,
'cause she walks to the station with a suitcase in her hand.
And she's looking for a mysterious dark-haired man.

In her younger days they called her Delta Dawn.
Prettiest woman you ever laid eyes on.
But a man of low degree stood by her side,
and he promised he would take her for his bride.

Delta Dawn, what's that flower you have on?
Could it be a faded rose from days gone by?
Did I hear you say he was meeting you here today
to take you to his mansion in the sky?

Delta Dawn, what's that flower you got on?
Could it be a faded rose from days gone by?
Did I hear you say he was meeting you here today
to take you to his mansion in the sky?

Delta Dawn, what's that flower you got on?
Could it be a faded rose from days gone by?
Did I hear you say he was meeting you right here today?
He's gonna take you to his mansion in the sky.

Delta Dawn, oh, what is that flower that you've got on?
Could it be, could it be just a faded rose from one of those days gone by?
Well, did I her you say
that he was gonna meet you right here, right here today?
He's gonna take you to his mansion in the sky.
To take you to his mansion in the sky.

He's gonna take you, he's gonna take you.
Oh, he's gonna take you and you and you and you.
Oh, gonna take you, take you to that mansion.
He's got to, gonna take you to that mansion.
He's gonna take you and you and you and you,
oh, you and you and you.
Take you to his mansion in the sky.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh!
Gonna take you. Oh, oh.
He's gonna take you, gonna take you,
he's gonna, he's gonna take you to that mansion,
he's gonna take you and you and you, oh . . .

"Doctor Long John. My dreams are full of Doctor Long John."
I got a dentist who's over seven feet tall.
I have a dentist who's over seven feet tall.
His name is Doctor Long John
and he answers every call.

You know, I went to Long Joh's office.
I said, "Doctor, the pain is killing me."
I went to Long John's office.
I said, "Doctor, the pain is killing."
He said, "Don't worry, baby.
It's just your cavity needs a little filling."

He took out his trusty drill.
Told me to open wide.
He said he wouldn't hurt me,
but he filled my whole inside.
Long John, Long John, don't you ever go away. No.
'Cause you thrill me when you drill me,
and I don't need no novocain today.

Oh, when he got done drilin' he said,
"Now, Miss Midler, that is going to cost you ten."
"I was prepared to pay twenty"
Yeah, yeah, when he got done drillin' he said,
"Baby, that is going to cost you ten.
But if it ever starts in to throbbing,
come back and see old Long John
again and again and again and again and again.
Oh, yeah. Yow!

"Long John. I sold my heart to Doctor Long John and I will never, never be the same. Oh, that's so heavy I just gotta lay back."

I was in the woods last night with my boyfriend Ernie, and he said to me "Soph",(he always called me Soph),he said to me "Soph, these woods sure are dark I sure wish I had a flash light", I said to him "so do I Ernie. You have been munching grass for the last ten minutes."

I will never forget it. It was on the occasion of Ernie's eightieth birthday and in honor of the occasion he married a twenty year old girl. And he rang me up the very next day and he said to me "Soph, Soph, I have just married myself a twenty year old girl, what do you think of that". And I said to him "Ernie when I am eighty years old I shall marry myself a twenty year old boy, and let me tell you something Ernie twenty goes into eighty a hell of a lot more than eighty goes into twenty."

I was in bed last night with my boyfriend Ernie, and he said to me "Soph, you got no tits and a tight box". I said to him "Ernie get off my back."

Nanette
"Uh! Here is another lady;
She is not as amusing as Sophie, but she has a,
she has a little something. I think she's,
she has a certain quality of, uh . . .
dementia! I call her, I call her, Nanette."

Oh! Oh-o-o-oh, Nanette!
Whoa-o-oh, Nnnnanette!
Whoa-oo-o-oo-o-o-oh, Nnnnnnnnanette!

Not a sound, not a sigh.
The world rushes by.
No one thinks of Nanette.
No one sings for Nanette.
No one dreams of Nanette.

Through the night, through the day,
people rush on their way
with never a sigh or regret.
And they are laughing and drinking.
So, so heedless and unthinking of
Nanette, Nnnanette,
nnn-that's me, Nanette!

Alabama Song
Oh, show me the way to the next whiskey bar.
Oh, don't ask why. Oh, don't ask why.
'Cause I must find the next whiskey bar.
If I don't find the next whiskey bar,
I tell you I will die, I tell you I will die.
I tell you, I tell you, I tell you I will die.

Oh, moon of Alabama, so high up in the sky.
I lost him, I lost my lover.
I need a drink. Can you guess why?

Oh, moon of Alabama, so high up in the sky.
I lost him, I lost my lover.
I need a drink, and you know why.
I bet you know why. I bet you know why

Drinking Again
Drinkin' again.
Thinking of when you loved me.
Having a few.
Wishing that you were here.

Making the rounds.
Buying a round for total strangers.
Just being a fool,
'cause I keep hoping, hoping, hoping you'll appear.

Sure I can borrow a smoke.
I can sit here all night and tell these jokers some jokes,
but who wants to laugh, who's gonna laugh
at a broken heart?
Oh, my heart is aching, I swear it's breaking.

And I'm drinking again.
Thinking of when you loved me.
And I'm tryin' to get home
with nothing, nothing but a memory.

Yes, I'm dying to get home,
dying to get home.
And I got nothin' but a bottle of beer,
and just my memory.

Mr. Rockefeller
"Hi, operator."
"May I help you?"
"Yeah, it's me again. Did you get him on the line yet? . . . Oh, this is awful. I've been trying to get him all day. . . . No, it's okay. I'll wait."

Mr. Rockefeller, how are you?
Mr. Rockefeller, having fun?
Mr. Rockefeller I could use a few
if you'd like to send a few down my way.

Mr. Rockefeller, I get my magazines,
I see you on the TV too, yeah.
Mr. Rockefeller, they tell me, they tell me all about it,
but they don't tell me how are you.

Sometimes I think I know you,
sometimes I think I don't.
Sometimes I think we'll make it,
sometimes I think we won't.

Waiting on the wire,
and I'm ragged to the bone.
Mr. Rockefeller won't you
please pick up the phone?

The reason I'm calling is to say
I'm not feeling so good.
I'm all broken down.

My family is nervous and my thoughts are blue.
But I wanna know, I gotta know,
I'm askin' everybody, how are you?

Please, won't you answer me?
Won't you take the time?
The next call's got to be collect,
'cause this is my last dime.
Waiting on the wire,
and I'm ragged to the bone.
Mr. Rockefeller, please pick up the phone.

Mr. Rockefeller, how are you?
Mr. Rockefeller, having fun?
Mr. Rockefeller, how are you?
Mr. Rockefeller, having fun?

Mr. Rockefeller, please, Mr. Rockefeller.
Mr. Rockefeller, whoooh.
Mr. Rockefeller, please, Mr. Rockefeller.
Mr. Rockefeller, oooh.
Mr. Rockefeller, please, Mr. Rockefeller.
Mr. Rockefeller, whoooh.
Mr. Rockefeller, please, Mr. Rockefeller.
Mr. Rockefeller, oooh.

Mr. Rockefeller, wouldn't it be nice?
Mr. Rockefeller . . .

When my teeth are rinsed in a glass by my bed,
and my hair lies somewhere in a drawer,
you know, the world doesn't seem like a very nice place,
not a very nice place anymore.

But I put in my teeth, and I slap on my hair
and a strange thing occurs when I do,
my teeth start to feel like my very own teeth
and my hair like my very own too.

And I'm ready to begin again.
Ready to begin again.
Reachin' for the soap,
my heart is full o' hope
again, again.

Ready to begin again!
Looking fresh and bright I trust.
Ready to begin again,
as everybody must

I was walking down 42nd street one day,
I wasn't workin'42nd street
I was walkin 42nd street.
And this amazing thing happened to me.
It was July it was about 89 degrees.
It was hot, hot for New York
You know and I was walking east and this
humungous person was coming west.
And she had this big blue house dress on peppered
all over with little white daisies.
She was almost bald but sitting on top of her head,
forehead you know on her forehead was this fried egg.
Which I thought was really unusual.
Because in New York City the ladies with the
fried eggs on their heads don't generally come
out until September or October you know.
Here was this lady this demented lady with a little
fried egg on her head in the middle of July.
God what a sight and ever, ever since I saw that
lady not one day goes by that I don't think of
her and I say to myself
"Oh God, don't let me wake up tomorrow
and want to put a fried egg on my head. Oh God."
Then I say real fast I say
"Oh God, If by chance I should wind up with a fried
egg on my head"; cause sometimes you can't help those
things you know, you can't.
I say to myself
"Don't let anybody notice."
And then I say real fast after that
"if they do notice that I'm carrying something
that, that's not quite right and they want to talk
about it, let 'em talk about it but don't let 'em
talk so I can hear I don't want to hear it."
Cause the truth about fried eggs, you can call it a fried
egg, you can call it anything you like, but everybody
gets one, some people wear 'em on the outside, some
people they wear 'em on the inside.

We had an apartment in the city.
Me and my husband liked living there.
It's been years since the kids have grown,
a life of their own, left us alone.

John and Linda live in Omaha.
Joe is somewhere on the road.
We lost Davy in the Korean war.
I still don't know what for, don't matter any more.

You know that old trees just grow stronger,
and old rivers grow wilder every day,
but old people, they just grow lonesome
waiting for someone to say,
"Hello in there. Hello"

Me and my husband, we don't talk much anymore.
He sits and stares through the backdoor screen.
And all the news just repeats itself
like some forgotten dream
that we've both seen.

Someday I'll go and call up Judy.
We worked together at the factory.
Ah, but what would I say when she asks what's new?
Say, "Nothing, what's with you?
Nothing much to do."

You know that old trees just grow stronger,
and old rivers grow wilder every day,
ah, but, but old people, they just grow lonesome
waiting for someone to say,
"Hello in There. Hello."

So if you're walking down the street sometime
and you should spot some hollow ancient eyes,
don't you pass them by and stare
as if you didn't care.
Say, "Hello in there. Hello

Up The Ladder To The Roof
Come with me, come with me
And we shall run across the sky.
We illuminate the night.
Ohhhh, i, I will try and guide you
To better times and brighter days.
Just don't be afraid.

Come on up the ladder to the roof
Where we can see heaven much better.
Let's go up the ladder to the roof
Where we can be closer to heaven.

Stay with me, stay with me
And we shall let expression sing.
Hear freedom ringin'.
Ohhh, memories of yesterday's broken dreams.
Hey, don't you know, don't you know
That they are gonna fade away?
Don't be afraid.

Come on up the ladder to the roof
Where we can see heaven much better.
Let's go up the ladder to the roof
Where we can be closer to heaven.


We'll laugh, I'll tell you the story of love.
How it is, the happiness in it, baby.
Combine these thoughts and together we'll travel
To the fountain of lovingness.
I will never, never, never, never,
Never leave you, baby.
As we grow older and older and older, babe.

Stand with song and sing:
Say, don't you wanna go?
Say, don't you wanna go?
Say, don't you wanna go?
Say, don't you wanna go?
Say, don't you wanna go?
Say, don't you wanna go?
Say, don't you wanna go?
Say, don't you wanna go

Up the ladder to the roof
Where we can see heaven much better.
Let's go up the ladder to the roof
Where we can be closer to heaven.

Let's go up the, up the, up the ladder to heaven.
Heaven, heaven, heaven, heaven.

Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy
He was a famous trumpet man from out Chicago way
He had a boogie style that no one else could play
He was the top man at his craft
But then his number came up, and he was gone with the draft
He's in the Army now, a-blowin' Reveille
He's the boogie-woogie bugle boy of Company B

They made him blow a bugle for his Uncle Sam
It really brought him down because he could not jam
The Captain seemed to understand
Because the next day the Cap' went out and drafted a band
And now the Company jumps when he plays Reveille
He's the boogie-woogie bugle boy of Company B

A-root, a-toot, a-toot-diddely-ada-toot
He blows it eight-to-the-bar, in boogie rhythm
He can't blow a note unless the bass and guitar is playin' with 'im
A-ha-ha-hand the company jumps when he plays Reveille
He's the boogie-woogie bugle boy of Company B

He was some boogie-woogie bugle boy of Company B
And when he plays boogie-woogie bugle he was busy as a "bzzzy" bee
And when he plays he makes the company jump eight-to-the-bar
He's the boogie-woogie bugle boy of Company B

A toot-diddelyada, toot-diddelyada, toot-toot
He blows it eight-to-the-bar
Can't blow a note if the bass and guitar isn't with 'im
A-ha-ha-hand the Company jumps when he plays Reveille
He's the boogie-woogie bugle boy of Company B

(bugle solo)

He puts the boys to sleep with boogie every night
And wakes 'em up the same way in the early bright
They clap their hands, and stamp their feet
'Cause they know how he blows when someone gives him a beat
Whoa-whoa he breaks it up when he plays Reveille
The boogie-woogie bugle boy of Company B

A-root, a toot, a-toot-diddely-ada-doot to-to-toot
He blows, eight to the bar
He can blow a note if the bass and guitar isn't, whoa, with him
And the company jumps when he plays Reveille
He's the boogie-woogie bugle boy of Company B!

Friends
And I am all alone.
There is no one here beside me.
And my problems have all gone.
There is no one to deride me.

But yah got to have friends.
The feeling's oh so strong.
Yah got to have friends
to make that day last long.

I had some firends but they're gone,
somethin' came and took them away.
And from the dusk 'til the dawn
here is where I'll stay.

Standing at the end of the road, boys,
waiting for my new friends to come.
I don't care if I'm hungry or poor,
I'm gonna get me some of them.

'Cause you got to have friends.
La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, friends.
That's right you, oh you, yeah you,
I said you gotta have some friends,
I'm talkin' about friends, that's right, friends.
Friends, friends, friends.

I had some firends, oh, but they're all gone, gone,
somethin' came and snatched them away.
And from the dusk until the ran ran dawn, you know,
here is where I gotta stay, here is where I gotta stay.

And I'm standing at the end of a real long road
and I'm waiting for my new friends to come.
I don't care if I'm hungry or freezin' cold,
I'm gonna get me some of them.

'Cause you gotta have friends,
that's right, friends, friends.
I gotta get my, I gotta get my, I gotta get my,
look around and see all of my friends.
Oh, friends, that's right, friends, friends,
friends, friends, friends, friends, oh,
friends, you gotta have friends . . .