Barenaked Ladies Album

Words & Music by Steven Page & Ed Robertson 

in through my veins, without brains,
I involuntarily take what I need, then I bleed
and it comes right back to me.
But guts only eat and sometimes
they repeat on you.
Keeping you on your toes or crouched above the loo.

That's what you get when you confuse your stomach with your heart.
That's what you get when you confuse your stomach with your heart.

Blood turns from blue into red
'cause of oxygen that it's fed
and I turn back to blue,
'cause I'm losing you,
but tummy just growls
not real words, mostly vowels
and I always forget sometimes Y
Gratification can cause constipation
if organs are left to die.

That's what you get when you confuse your stomach with your heart.
That's what you get when you confuse your stomach with your heart.

I gained all this weight out of love, not hate
I've got so much love to give (give me a break!)
I'd love to sleep in late, but that dessert looks great.
Was it something I said or was it some I ate?
Heart beats in sync, beat in time,
beat in bodies likes hers and mine,
But I fed only one, and look what it's done;
I've run out of blood and I'm chewing my cud and
my gastrointestinal festival's best of all
The cardiovascular questions they ask you are
Less than the answers they give you like cancer and

That's what you get when you confuse your stomach with your heart.
That's what you get when you confuse your stomach with your heart. 

Straw Hat and Old Dirty Hank
Words & Music by Steven Page & Ed Robertson 

I tend the wheat field that makes your bread.
I bind the sweet veal, pluck the hens that make your bed.
Mother Nature & Mother Earth
Are two of three women who dictate what I'm worth

Chorus:
I'm the farmer.
I work in the fields all day.
Don't mean to alarm her, 
But I know it was meant to be this way.

You cried a tear, I wiped it dry
I put you up upon a pedestal so high
if you should waiver, if you should sway
I'd catch you, spread my tiny wings and fly away.
You signed your picture with an O and X
I bet you don't write "love" each time you sign your cheques.

Chorus

All of this corn I grow I grow it all for you
I took a hatchet to the radio I did it all for you
You could have written back,
You could have said "Thank you"
I guess you've got better things,
better things to do.

You say you love me, is that the truth?
Although they've heard the songs, my friends want living proof.
I know your address, I ring the bell
I bring you flowers and a .22 with shells.

I'm the farmer
I work in the fields all day
Never wanted to harm her

Words & Music by Steven Page & Ed Robertson 

I tend the wheat field that makes your bread.
I bind the sweet veal, pluck the hens that make your bed.
Mother Nature & Mother Earth
Are two of three women who dictate what I'm worth

Chorus:
I'm the farmer.
I work in the fields all day.
Don't mean to alarm her, 
But I know it was meant to be this way.

You cried a tear, I wiped it dry
I put you up upon a pedestal so high
if you should waiver, if you should sway
I'd catch you, spread my tiny wings and fly away.
You signed your picture with an O and X
I bet you don't write "love" each time you sign your cheques.

Chorus

All of this corn I grow I grow it all for you
I took a hatchet to the radio I did it all for you
You could have written back,
You could have said "Thank you"
I guess you've got better things,
better things to do.

You say you love me, is that the truth?
Although they've heard the songs, my friends want living proof.
I know your address, I ring the bell
I bring you flowers and a .22 with shells.

I'm the farmer
I work in the fields all day
Never wanted to harm her

Words & Music by Steven Page & Ed Robertson 

I know why I like you
it's cause of your clothing and your haircut
and 'cause you're racist.
I have a match; your face,
My asking you questions you can't answer.
You want to box me?

Our world works in a weird way
I've heard them say a man with a beard may 
frighten children or dogs but a moustache scares me more.

I know why you bite me
it's cause of your instincts and your canines
and 'cause I kicked you.
I have a bone to pick;
Please go on the paper and fetch me my slippers
and stop meowing.

Man's best friend wags his tail and 
bares his teeth to the man with the mail and
though he's frightened of thunder he never goes to war.

Tell me what's the circumstance of circumcision?
And what goes in my daughter's pants is whose decision?
I've seen the facts of inter-race relations,
of see-through slacks, of cyber-masturbation;
if a hundred monkeys each could get their own show,
Perhaps one day a chimp might say
"You have faith, you just need to use it sayeth the Lord"

I know why I like you
it's cause of your sandals and your supper
and 'cause you're Jesus
I have a match; your Dad, my dad has
your picture right next to your mother's
and one of Charo

They hold hands up in heaven.
And they say that their son's name is Kevin

Words & Music by Steven Page & Ed Robertson 

I don't buy everything I read,
I haven't even read everything I've bought.
I don't cry every time I bleed,
My eyes are dry, but they're bloodshot.
I have faith in medication
I believe in the Prozac Nation
You play doctor, but I've lost patience

Chorus:
But this is where it ends
This is where it ends
Call the police and call the press
But please, dear God, don't tell my friends
This is where it ends
This is where it ends

Where's my pride? Where's my self-esteem?
Does it show in the drinks I've bought?
I don't hide every time I'm seen, but I try not to get caught.
Make excuses for behaviour
Can my illness be my saviour?
Hid my heart while you still gave yours

Chorus

She says she wants to live in a movie
I say I want someone else to stand behind me
And write it all down
'cause I can't be bothered doing it myself.
And I don't want the responsibility of 
proving it's importance.

I have loved and I have waited
Been picked up and been sedated
mental health is overrated

Words by Steven Page & Ed Robertson
Music by Ed Robertson 

I look straight in the window, try not to look below
Pretend I'm not up here, try counting sheep
But the sheep seem to shower off this office tower
Nine-point-eight straight down I can't stop my knees.

Chorus:
I wish I could fly
From this building, from this wall
And if I should try, 
would you catch me if I fall?

My hands clench the squeegee, my secular rosary
Hang on to your wallet, hang on to your rings
Can't look below me, or something might throw me
Curse at the windstorms that October brings.

I look in the boardroom; a modern pharaoh's tomb
I'd gladly swap places, if they care to dive
They're lined up at the window, peer down into limbo
They're frightened of jumping, in case they survive.

I wish I could step from this scaffold 
onto soft green pastures, shopping malls, or bed
With my family and my pastor and my grandfather who's Dead

Look straight in the mirror, watch it come clearer
I look like a painter, behind all the grease
But paintings creating, and I'm just erasing
A crystal-clear canvas is my masterpiece

Words & Music by Stephen Duffy & Steven Page 

On August first, nineteen-eight-one
I cycled to Scott's house with a BB gun
We were almost twelve, but we looked thirteen
He had baby-blue eyes that I shot him between
Nature provides for us a safety net
Whatever we do, we can never forget

Chorus:
I live with it every day
Even though we moved away
Our yesterdays are on a loop;
A marathon of heartbreaking moments
I live with it every day
For every step I have to pay
The only thing that they can't take
The guild that spirals in my wake

The day they found me asleep on the floor
Engine running, closed garage door
Was the day the For Sale sign arrived on the lawn
Two weeks later, and we were gone
Everyone falls through time and the funnel it makes
But I'm staying here inside my biggest mistake

Chorus

The love I put away
Like games that children play
The hearts you choose to break
Like cars dumped in the lake
The laugh lines on your face
The life I won't embrace
The cold house I won't leave
The guests I won't receive

Words & Music by Steven Page & Ed Robertson 

Broke into the old apartment
This is where we used to live
Broken glass, broke and hungry
broken hearts and broken bones
This is where we used to live

Why did you paint the walls?
Why did you clean the floor?
Why did you plaster over the hole I punched in the door?
This is where we used to live

Why did you keep the mousetrap?
Why did you keep the dishrack?
these things used to be mine
I guess they still are, I want them back

Broke into the old apartment
Forty-two stairs from the street
Crooked landing, crooked landlord
Narrow laneway filled with crooks.
This is where we used to live.

Why did they pave the lawn?
why did they change the locks?
Why did I have to break it, I only came here to talk
This is where we used to live

How is the neighbor downstairs?
How is her temper this year?
I turned up your TV and stomped on the floor just for fun
I know we don't live here anymore
We bought an old house on the Danforth
She loves me and her body keeps me warm
I'm happy here
But this is where we used to live

Broke into the old apartment
Tore the phone out of the wall
Only memories, fading memories
Blending into dull tableaux

I want them back

Words & Music by Steven Page & Ed Robertson 

You and I were meant to be
Even though you don't know me
I don't even know your name
And do you think that you know mine?
You were lonely, I was bored
I may be more than you can afford
But I'm sure we'll meet halfway

And I've got this crazy feeling
you've been trying to get to me
When all you have to do is calmly
Call me, call me, call me

Basic service: sixty bucks
I'll roll the dice, you try your luck
A pair gets me a week in rent
And a straight gets even more.
I'm no good at playing cards
I hold my dates in high regard
Pay up front and ye shall receive

Love is never in-between
if it isn't one thing, then
it's always something else

I don't even know what I mean
I thought that it was nothing, but now I
can't find nothing else
Oh, you can't hide
But at least you tried to

Call me, call me, call me

Are you ashamed of what you've done?
All we did was have some fun
I won't judge and I won't tell
And I'll forget you when you've gone
I pity all you working stiffs,
Living wondering "what if?"
"What if someday I was free?"

Words & Music by Steven Page 

The bravest thing I've ever done
Was to run away and hide
But not this time, not this time
And the weakest thing I've ever done
Was to stay right by your side
Just like this time, and every time
I couldn't tell you I was happy when you were gone
So I lied and said that I missed you when we were apart.
I couldn't tell you, so I had to lead you on
But I didn't mean to break your heart.

And if I always seem distracted
Like my minds somewhere else,
That's because it's true, yes it's true
it's this stupid pride that makes me feel
Like I have to follow through
Even half-assedly, loving you
Why must I always speak in terms of cowardice?
When I guess I should have just come out and told you right from the start
Why must I always tell you all I want is this?
I guess 'cause I didn't want to break your heart

And you said;
"What'd you think that I was gonna do,
Curl up and die just because of you?
I'm not that weak, you know
What'd you think that I was gonna do,
Try to make you love me as much as I love you?
how could you be so low?
You arrogant man,
What do you think that I am?
My heart will be fine
Just stop wasting my time"

And now I know that you will be okay, and that I
got what I want and that's rid of you
Good bye
And it's not cause I'll be missing you
That makes me fall apart
it's just that I didn't mean to break
No I didn't mean to break
No I didn't mean to break

Words & Music by Jim Creeggan 

There's a spider in my room
There's a spider in my room

And then a voice above my head
Said if that spider were made dead
I'd better grow some fins 'cause
it would make it easier to swim

I don't like spiders and snakes
The way they crawl, the way they shake
if a spider gets killed how does that make it rain
How could I be the one to blame

A whisper drizzled down from the ice in its eyes
it said, "Try pickin' on your own damn size,"
But the Hoover was quick, termination complete
in its bedroom home got a chance to eat.

in the corner beside my bed
Very busy spinning thread
Eight legs and a little head

I hear the thunder from outside
And the water's gettin' high

I don't like moths and bugs
They buzz, they get in the rugs
But where does a guy find some room
in this life raft home, a little rubber tomb

There's a spider in my room

Words & Music by Ed Robertson 

What does it mean to wake out of a dream and
be wearing some else's shorts?
I've been around the block, at least on my bike
I was prepared for the news but not for 
The Third World War

I found me an answer, in a grocery store
I found me an answer in the form of an old man with
a cardigan on, this guy's got thirty years on me but
he stops and smiles just to say "Hello,
didn't I see you on TV?"

Must've been the same thing
Must've been the same thing
Must've been the same thing
Charlie Brown went through

I'm in a comic store
Lookin' for some mistakenly priced comic I could make
A fortune on and in walks the Fantastic Four
I say "don't go; That last issue was cool!"

Must've been the same thing
Must've been the same thing
Must've been the same

These things all end
Who asked you anyway?
You'll have to bend
Who asked you anyway?

I'm in a thunderstorm
Staying out from under trees never holding
Golf clubs, but still seem to be getting
Struck by lightning... must be
something in my veins
My weathered veins

Words & Music by Steven Page & Ed Robertson 

Look at my mouth, a thin painted line
Look at my limbs, bent up and bundled in twine
Forever, ever mine
Form of a tree, shape of a child
I wish I could cry, stuck in a permanent smile
Forever, ever mine

Chorus:
I know you must have loved me sometime
But now I'm just a toy
I know you must have loved me sometime
But now I'm just a toy

First there was me, nothing but time
Till he came along, you told me you'd always be mine
Forever, ever mine
Look at his face, somewhat like mine
But look at his nose, you can always be sure that he's lying
Forever, ever mine

Chorus

Who needs you
A boy-to-be who
Needs to be

Better than him, worthy of you
Given the chance that he had, I know what I'd do
Forever, ever mine
I call him liar, you call him son
if I could move, I'd set him on fire and I'd run forever

Words & Music by Jim Creeggan 

Chorus:
I'm in the drink for love
And want to drink your love
Swimmin' a swim in the suds
I want to drink your blood

Up like a rocket, down like the rain
Back and forth like a choo-choo train
I have a secret that just won't keep
All I wanna do is brush your teeth

Butterfly kisses
And the taste of delicious
I'd like to sip the sap from your tree
And the honey in the tea
Dripping amber drips
Patiently

Chorus

I'm in the drink for love
And want to drink your love
Squishin' toes in the mud
I want to drink your blood

Caught a snowflake on my tongue
A feathery crystal in the flavour of gum
Dropping clouds fallin' fast
Are you going to try some while they last?
Once the birds have migrated
Come Spring twitter painted
Up the river, I journey on
'Cause this salmon is ready to spawn

if you have some swimming lessons
it would make it easier

Words by Steven Page & Ed Robertson
Music by Steven Page 

A key in the door, a step on the floor
A note on the table, and a meal in the micro
Note says "I'm in bed, please make sure that you're fed
if you're taking a shower, you can borrow my bathrobe
When I'm asleep I dream you move in next week"
I crumple the note and save it to put inside

Chorus:
My shoe box
Shoe box of lies
Shoe box
Shoe box of lies

it's under my bed, it's never been read
it's in with my school stuff and my mom never cleans there
From my first little fib, when I still wore a bib
To my latest attempt at pretending I'm someone
Who's not seventeen, doesn't know what you mean
When talk turns to single malts, or stilton, or

Chorus

Did somebody tell you
This is how it's supposed to be?
Or did you just find it
And you don't want any more from me?

Chorus

Was it something I said, or was it something you read
That's making me think that I should never have come here
I can offer you lies, I can tell you good-bye. 
I can tell you I'm sorry, But I can't tell you the truth, dear
And what if I could -- would it do any good?
You'll still never get to see the contents of 

Chorus

You're so nineteen-ninety
And it's nineteen-ninety-four
Leave this world behind me