Arab Strap Album

It was the biggest ever cock you'd ever seen, but you've no idea where that cock has been.
You said you were careful - you never were with me.
I heard you did it four times and jonnies come in packs of three.

She was the best shag I'd ever had.
That doesn't mean I'm saying, bedwise, you were bad.
I think you were working, we got a hotel.
We didn't have anything but I thought I might as well.

I never told the rest.
I was drunk and I told you I was thinking about a test.
You know I just said it for effect.
Then you laughed and said I'd fuck anything in a skirt once I'm erect.

And she's a famous harlot in this town.
I know enough to, but still I couldn't turn her down.
He said I'm an arsehole, what was I thinking?
It's far too easy to blame it on the drinking.

[No lyrics]

How am I supposed to walk you home
Wwhen you're at least fifty feet ahead?
'Cause you walked off in a huff,
And I'm that pissed I can't remember what it was I said.

And I don't doubt you wouldn't touch him now
But let's face it, you always used to go for that kind.
And if you ever really wanted two men at once,
All I'm saying is I better be one of the guys you've got in mind.

Here we go, same time, same place.
I don't like the way you kissed his face.
It's not that there's no trust as such.
I'd love to make up but I've had to much.

Now you know fine well I'm staying,
I've only ever carried out that threat once before.
And even then I couldn't get far and your mum came and
Called me back before I'd even made it to the door.

Here we go, same time, same place.
My embarassment versus your damp face.
We could talk down here or we could talk in bed,
But I'm afraid that's all, as I've already said.

You just have to be sure you're doing the right thing. I mean it's very easy to forget - she's was just sitting there in the pub with her new friends and her new life and her new hair and it might been five years but you'd know just to look at her.

I wasn't even sure it was her at first, I was ready to walk away but she smiled and called me over and we said hello for a bit. When we went back to our tables we were tried not to look over at each other and told our friends to stop staring.

I didn't see her for the rest of the night, but by closing time the beer's kicked in so I go up and speak to her and we end up going for a walk and talking about our new homes, our new jobs, our new friends and our new birds.

She says she's been going out with him now for about two and a half years, but they don't live together so he'd never find out. And you think about chasing her about school when you were wee and lying in your bed and listening to love songs and pretending they were about you. And the first time you asked her out she said no but one night you went to a wedding and when you came back to the pub she'd changed her mind and you went out. You remember the way she swung her arms when she held your hand but you can't remember how she kissed and now you've got the chance to find out.

But you have to remember there's this other kiss. And she's sitting at home, wondering where you are and what you're doing. And you work hard on this kiss and you know it inside out, it's as much yours as it is hers, and it took a long time to get right, it took months of practice and months of embarassment but now you've got it perfected and you've been looking forward to that kiss all week.

You can see her breath in the air between your faces as you stand in the leaves and she just asks you straight out if you want to come and stay at her flat. But you make sure you get separate taxis and you go home and there might be a slight regret and maybe you'll wonder what you missed but you have to remember the kiss that you worked so hard on - and you'll know you've done the right thing.

I said with me around she'd never come to harm,
And then she took a fork and stabbed herself in the arm.
She used to wank me off but I could never heat her up
And she used to tell all her friends that I beat her up.

I went round to her house one day, after, after school.
She'd bought me this steel ladybird thing, it was really cool.
And then she said she thought there was no future for us.
She chucked me, then chucked me out, and I cried all over the bus.

And that Sunday was my first experience of feeling alone.
When she wouldn't answer her door and she wouldn't answer her phone.
So I went round and banged on the door, I thought I had so much to say.
And then the pigs came and told me to be on my way.

It'd be nice to say, then, that that's where the story ends,
But she came way with some pish about still being friends.
And she seemed sincere so I thought I'd give her a chance.
And it was okay until I found her with her hand down someone else's pants.

I pulled them apart, it was all I could think to do.
Then another guy she knew flew to her rescue.
He tried to kick my head in to impress her 'cause he was trying to poke her.
I came home greeting and bleeding
And my mum threatened to go round to her house and choke her.

We were lying in bed, staring at the moon
And I was wondering if I was supposed to be in love.
But we couldn't quite decide if the moon was full.
But I thought, well, tonight it's full enough.

And this morning I was casually trying to sniff my fingers on the way back home.
I could smell you and I felt like a little boy.
And we've been on these open seas far too long
So take a breath, take my hand, there's land ahoy.

The night before the funeral, I got some.
I sneaked a young girl up the stairs and past my mum.
I took her clothes off and I played with her bits
And she did the same but it took ages for me to come.
Too drunk and getting old...

It was a lovely show for a god I don't believe in.
I couldn't sing a single note at the service.
When they did "How Great Thou Art" all I could think of
Was my old l.p. of hymns by Elvis.
There's no such thing as sin...

I said to Laura, "I hope I know you forever
And when I'm going, I'm going the Viking way.
Lay me in a boat with my favourite things
And set me on fire then send me on my way.
Kick me out to sea."
There's no such thing as sin...

Why could I not speak? You're not so unique.
My eyes stayed on the floor.
I make a little suggestion before I pop the question
But I was far too out my face. I was out my face.

"It's the first time in ages I've actually had the guts to ask but I'm feeling particularly confident tonight, if you know what I mean. But that's the thing - you don't know what I mean. The reason I fancy you in the first place is the same reason we'll no get on, 'cause you're just no into it. I mean you're cute and you're innocent and you're nice and that but you barely even drink."
No meeting was I granted but now the seed's been planted
And now you're in the know.
Too steaming to impress; not a no, not quite a yes.
You ask if that's okay. I suppose it's okay.

You'd already been half an hour
With pre-clubbing shower
And I'd always planned to have a look
In your special Winnie the Pooh book.
The place was marked
And it was there in blue and white
It just said simply, "Paul stayed last night."

Next I was on the bog
And you got down on one knee
You were protesting your innocence
And you started to cry
Just as I started to pee.

You said,
"I didn't shag him,
He slept on the couch in the kitchen.
He might as well be a girl,
He's a good for a laugh and he's good for bitchin'."

You said you'd never be willing or able.
And he looks like he was made on a fucking table.
Although, to be fair, I think he hides the bolts quite well,
But as soon as he opens his mouth you can just tell.

I had just assumed you'd completely gone off shagging
And I can you see you with your new Uni pals standing bragging.
Now, he's your boyfriend and I know you were talking shite
But you still denied it when I met you at someone's birthday party the other night.

You said,
"I didn't shag him,
He slept on the couch in the kitchen.
We have a good laugh when we're sitting bitchin'."

The words that you used to think turned me on
Just made me laugh -
"Do you want to suck my cunt?" in real life just sounds naff.
And when we were with your friends I just as well might of been no-one.
And you can't get over your dead dog - well it takes one to know one.

The bed's a mess when we're finished and at rest, and I can just see the post-fuck flush across your chest.
The telly's silent, the room's lit only by the screen, and now we're perfect moulds with just our pulses in between.

Well I'm not listening to what my mother said - what we're doing inside my bed.
And I'm not pretending this time you're someone else, but I'm cleaning these sheets all by myself.

Afterwards is best. You get up to get dressed - I think your pants are by the door. I think tomorrow we might be sore.

Even in this light, your tits look white against the tanning, and I know we're a couple now 'cause we went down the Family Planning.
It hit me in the waiting room waiting for you when you were getting what you need.
But I can't help be a bit disappointed when you start to bleed.

Afterwards is best. You get up to get dressed - I think your pants are by the door. I think we might be sore.

I pulled the ex last night, and it felt weird to feel her up again.
Knickers down and bra cast as if the past had not passed.
And she bought the drinks all night, that's okay, now she's got a job.
Her generosity - my curse. She even let me keep her purse.

But I couldn't get it up - too much to drink, too much to say.
She picked her clothes up off the floor and promptly headed for the door.

I was just trying to use my favourite muse.
I don't think I could ever want her back,
I'm just making sure she's still capable of being slack.

And she's got trouble with her boyfriend now. I always said he was a prick.
I told her from the very start, when she almost broke my heart.

And my room's a mess this morning. She left her fag-ends floating in a glass.
I didn't try and make her stay. I doubt she would have anyway.
I was just trying to use my favourite muse. It's nice to see she's still slack.
I could never want her back.

I need them for my headaches, I need them for skin.
We need it for a night out and sometimes for a night in.
The room stinks of poppers, the bog's full of bile.
At least I'm not shitting blood again.
I always sat it's worst in the while.

I hear we had a good time. I hear I was a riot.
I would've like me a lot last night, I could've put me to shame last night.

I feel out with a lover, I fell out with my friends.
I'm still trying to work out where the weekend ends.
No solids on Sunday, we can eat in the week.
You said I was fucked - you got some fucking cheek

I hear we had a good time. I hear I was a right laugh.
I really loved you a lot last night. I could've hugged you to death last night.

The first time you're unfaithful won't be the worst time you're unfaithful.
It will probably just be a kiss with a stranger when you're on the piss.
And the next time, if you might fuck him or, even worse, you might suck him.
I know I said I'd want to know but that depends how far you go.

How do you think we will adjust now we've incorporated lust?
And will you put my trust to test if the shagging's not the best?
You said you know what I'm like...

We were chatting with your sister, I was winding you up - you think I've missed her.
She was fairly adamant I'm nothing but a lying cunt.

And the first time I'm unfaithful won't be the worst time I'm unfaithful.
Once I've got a taste for it, I've everything to waste for it.

So do you think I can adjust now we've incorporated lust?
Or will I put your trust to test when my behaviour's not its best?
You said you know what I'm like...