Frank Zappa
"The Crab-Grass Baby"

Frank Zappa (guitar, synclavier)
Steve Vai (guitar)
Ray White (guitar, vocals)
Tommy Mars (keyboards)
Chuck Wild (piano)
Arthur Barrow (bass)
Scott Thunes (bass)
Jay Anderson (string bass)
Ed Mann (percussion)
Chad Wackerman (drums)
Ike Willis (vocals)
Terry Bozzio (vocals)
Dale Bozzio (vocals)
Napoleon Murphy Brock (vocals)
Bob Harris (vocals)
Johnny "Guitar" Watson (vocals)

CRAB-GRASS BABY:
Stroke me pompadour, pompaduooor, pompaduooor, pompaduooor. Stroke me pompadour, father. Stroke it nicely while I tell you about the problems I am having with my car an my girlfriend. Ooo-wo-woo, the white man's burden!

Her and her girlfriend used to go out and booze it up and tear up the upholstery; rip the seats completely out, and so I got a fifty-six Olds. About the time I got it running decently, she got in it and wrecked the trans...tore it completely up, so I had to get another Oldsmobile (either that or go to Tijuana or go to BROWN MOSES way down in Egypt-Land). It's so hard on a child when his car is fucked up. Buy me a Volvo, faaather.

HARRY-AS-A-BOY:
Isn't it terrific, artificial RHONDA!

CRAB-GRASS BABY:
One-Adam-Twelve...see the enormous white pompadour! Ha-Ha-ha-ho! That's a good one! Hoo-hoo-hoo.

HARRY-AS-A-BOY:
He's so young, and yet, SO WISE!

CRAB-GRASS BABY:
I pooped my pants, pooped my pants, pooped my pants! I went doody, faaather, sob-sob-sob-sob-sob.

HARRY-AS-A-BOY:
His vocabulary is astonishing!

CRAB-GRASS BABY:
So what if you suck a little cock every once in a while?

HARRY-AS-A-BOY:
Ohhh...I'm so lucky to have a son like this...

CRAB-GRASS BABY:
Barf me out...gag me with a Volvo!

HARRY-AS-A-BOY:
I can't wait to show him to all the fellas down at the MINE-SHAFT!

CRAB-GRASS BABY:
Take me to the movies. Buy me a balloon. Stroke me pompadour!

HARRY-AS-A-BOY:
Look! Look! Look at the pecker on him, wouldja! Goodjy-goodjy-goodjy-goo! Hoo hoo hoo!

THING-FISH:
Dis boy have a 'PROVLEM'! However, how 'bout a nice round of applause fo de three 'WISE MAMMIES', comin' atcha outa chute numba five!